Brand0calrisian
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My wife is the sweetest person I know. Always taking care of others and concerned for everyone's well being and happiness. She struggles with bipolar and postpartum depression hit a really hard this time. I don't know what to do. She's physically ok but I don't know how to handle a 1 month old and a 3 year old. Just having a rough time.
Fp edit. So people are asking she is physically fine. I was able to stop her before she harmed herself. She has been admitted to the hospital mental ward. I got her parents involved and between them her psychiatrist her therapist and I we convinced her that she needed additional help. This isn't her first time but the times before we didn't have kids. My family has really stepped up and are helping a ton with the kids. I've never been on fp before thanks for all your messages and support and please forgive my sleep deprived brain for not phrasing things correctly.
crapcomments
Postnatal psychosis? She needs help and quick. Take care of kids, she'll be OK with help
Nelliepoo
As someone that dealt with postpartum myself after my son was born- she is critical. Help her. She might be too proud to say she needs help
Nelliepoo
Also, she might be on a rollercoaster where she is doing great for X amount of days but then falls into a low for the same amount or longer
MadameRainbowPants
Your wife almost kills herself and is fighting for her life, you have to learn how to take care of 2 little ones and you ask for boobs? :(
MadameRainbowPants
Ah I see you have taken down the boob request. Better to focus on your babies and wife than other women’s breasts right now. Good choice.
Kittensmashh
Classy asking for pictures of breasts while your wife is mentally unstable.
Gerdalearnedme
Ask for help. Get help. Asking for boobs might not help...
IAmBiGiveMeAMedal
There literally isn't anything more critical than an attempt. She needs emergency help ASAP.
Brand0calrisian
Yeah I took her to the mental hospital. I stopped her before she could hurt herself then took her straight there.
TheRealAtticus
(1) @op can you confirm if you were trying to say critical as in her physical condition in the hospital or did you mean her mental health
MaryGoRound12
Was she admitted? A suicide attempt usually warrants a stay. It’s would be hard while she’s there for a few days but worth not losing her.
TheRealAtticus
(2) hasnt reached a “critical level” I think this site is in a frenzy and we want to know which one it is
RedLanternGrodd
Hey man I got a very soon to be 3y/o and we live a certain lifestyle where I am often a "single" dad. If you need help or advice or an ear.
Shellbear3000
Get her a therapist NOW! I had PPD. It sucks ass. I’m also prone to getting it again. This is my fear! Get someone to help stay with her.
Shellbear3000
Makes sure she gets sun too! Open the windows, go for walks, brighten up the house...she needs help. And yes, it’s critical.
Becker37
It's tv time for the three year old. Pop in something to entertain. Then get the baby taken care of. Get things you might need so you don't
Becker37
Have to leave. Secure the room y'all are in. Sit and try not to think. Watch them and try to be in the moment.
eqeffect
I have to say it - why would someone like have kids? I hope there is a path forward to a better place for all of you.
raffa312
Don't put this shit on imgur man, jesus bit of respect.
ceciliaray3333
I think it's fake. No replies, no updates. Worse than airing dirty laundry, faking it for internet attention.
tovicant
Attempted suicide IS critical. It shows she has plans, and tries to execute them. She needs professional help. Otherwise she will try again.
MsMarlee
My Mom took her life when I was young. I don't want you to suffer the same as my Dad has and I don't want your kids to feel the way I have.
MsMarlee
Get help for your wife and yourself wherever you can, however you find it. I wish you all the best and will keep you and yours in mind <3
hamburgerous
So, she's maybe not doing that well? Seek help, postpartum is an absolute fucker.
VInTheSkyWithElephants
He didn’t say she was doing well. He said the baby is doing well
hamburgerous
You are 100% correct, my mistake.
cheeselazerreaction
Maybe unpopular opinion. But don’t have babies if you’re bipolar. And before you may downvote me. Well this post is an example why
aJokePoster
This! Amen.
oobeedoobenubi
No problem has ever been solved by popping out a child.
retrodustpan
Please don't ask women on the internet to send you photos of their breasts when your wife is very unwell+has just given birth to your child.
Akumatorakyralyn
PPD is a brutal monster, but it can be beat. Get her help, be there for her and let her know you still love her and she’s still #1.
DarnThisStuff
I think you need some parenting classes. You definitely need to help more.
Yesyoudo69
Call out to everyone and anyone who might be able to help! Family, friends, neighbors, church - make sure to get help! Don't wait, do it!
PurpleScubaDiver
About kids: you're the father, you need to learn this anyway. Google it, ask your relatives and professionals.
PurpleScubaDiver
About wife: it could help her mental state, if she doesn't keep helping everyone. She'd need you to do the work now. You can do it, go on!
ChickenEatingMan
You might not know how to handle a 1 month old & a 3 year old but it is possible. You will pull through. Best of luck to you and yours.
ChickenEatingMan
Also she needs to be hospitalized. Now.
gordy77
Get help from your families. It's what they are for.
cre8majic
so much of being a new parent is like on-the-job training, being flexible for solutions
derspielverdorbene
Depression can be a sideeffect of giving birth. Not so uncommon.
HotFruitcake
Baby Blues or Baby Pinks she might need sleep or food. Get off Imgur be hyper vigilant
derspielverdorbene
This was 6 years ago
minuteye
Pregnancy is known to be spectacularly rough (mood-wise) for women with bipolar. It's likely a lot more serious than PPD.
SpecialProjectY
Yep, it's called Postpartum Depression and if a person has other disorders... oh booooy...
derspielverdorbene
My GF had it. Told me that she had reeeally dark thoughts about herself and her daughter. Grandma hat to take care of the baby for 3 weeks.
SpecialProjectY
I'm a pathologist, garbage can toddlers that are absolutely healthy and well fed but end up suffocated happen a lot basically everywhere.
derspielverdorbene
Well... this is just sad.
rubberbuscuit2018
You don’t know how to care for your own children? Have you considered that may be contributing to your wife’s depression? How can she she1/2
rubberbuscuit2018
2/2get a mental health break or time to care for herself if you aren’t capable caring for your children? You both need long term therapy.
rubberbuscuit2018
?It’s shocking that your not seeking emergency care for your wife & family. It’s almost as if you don’t care because it doesn’t effect you.?
iwanttoeatpie
I'm so sorry. When they get cranky, feed them. If that doesn't work, diaper, sleep etc. Also let them cry. Put in crib take 10 regroup
Lylafrecklerebel
Don't let the baby cry. I repeat: just don't.
spiko999
You can definitively let a baby cry, just not always and for ever.
JayEnfield
This works on the baby too.
[deleted]
[deleted]
Skycaptin
Self care is important but being the sole carer I advise against alcohol
wadenelson
I said ONE scotch. Not a bottle.
Skycaptin
I get that. I just think in a stressful situation 1 can become more. Better to avoid completely and find other ways
iwanttoeatpie
No one knows what they are doing with a new born and 3yo. You learn as you go. Your wife was just figuring it out too.
dogbeachesarethebestbeaches
The only people who know how to do it r those who went thru it, same as you, one day at a time. You can do it.
icouldnotthinkofagoodusername
1.I was going to say exactly this. Try to nap during the day when you put your 3yo down. it will help. house chores can wait. have a list
icouldnotthinkofagoodusername
2. in your head when the little one cries, is it: diaper, food, burping, sleep, bored? its ok to let the little one cry when dealing with
zebraspotsarenotstripes
I'd add that unless the last feed was more than 3 hours ago you check all other things first, then try feeding.
icouldnotthinkofagoodusername
the older one. My 2nd son learned to put himself to sleep faster bc of this. you got this!! Msg if you have questions/concerns.
HotFruitcake
‘My lovely wife in the Psych Ward’ also I feel like some co-dependency is at play here. The babies are already here lace up the boot straps.
ContagiousPersnapal
Being in a relationship with someone who has mental illness and needs to go to a psyche ward does not automatically mean co-dependency.
HotFruitcake
Oh for sure. It’s actually a book and a really good read. In this instance of op the wife is becoming unfrazzled and he doesn’t know what to
HotFruitcake
do. Which to mean would indicate that he might not be the one who had the primary caretaker role or contribute to the upbringing of babies.
ContagiousPersnapal
Oh yes that is a good point. Also I'm going to check out the book. It sounds good. Thanks for the recommendation!
iamthecomet
I've been in her shoes and I am so grateful to my husband for helping me through that time. If you have questions message me.
Dakrackinmedic
@op this. And get help for yourself too.
amuricano
Me too! Bipolar 1 & open for questions. I don’t have children but communication is key & knowing when you need professional help.
ThatOneGuyWhoLikesCorgis
Professional help. I mean your idea of critical and mine must be different. Attempted suicide to me is critical.
kitcatwackbatmattrack
After repeated times you can become more numb to it. Not sure if that's what he means but if so.... I feel ya
pinglis5
Maybe he meant not critically injured, I hope.
Brand0calrisian
Yes that is what meant.
SlithyBorogoves
One of the problems is that you cannot take most medication for bipolar disorder while pregnant... hopefully she stabilizes soon.
GetlnLoserWereGonnaOffendEveryone
It’s at least a 2, a sitter, a bunch of documentation, 15-min checks, and maybe soft restraints, which means, of course, more documentation.
Ryebread91
I thought he meant not in critical condition.
UmmonPrime
I would also suggest asking for help to take care of the children. There is nothing wrong with talking to your family especially now
darynu
he probably meant critical condition as in physical damage
tomatoboy
I also read it to mean she was not in “critical condition” from a physical standpoint. Obviously, her psychiatric state is unstable.
BootySmuggler
That's how I understood it
Brand0calrisian
Thanks that is what I meant. I've updated the post to reflect that.
trianglecircleline
He’s probably talking about the objective medical term, not his subjective opinion/feelings
oniraphobia
People are getting critical and crisis confused.
ambiencenever
Too many upvotes for a guy who doesn't know what medical terms are.
ThatOneGuyWhoLikesCorgis
ThatOneGuyWhoLikesCorgis
This is also part of why I decided against kids, fiancée has depression, anxiety, and just not worth the risk for me.
bakminn360
I was wondering why have a second with such precarious mental health. Not worth the risk.
Brand0calrisian
Well she did great with the first pregnancy, no problems and was super stable. This one was just completely different. Had we known this
Brand0calrisian
Would happen we wouldn't of had another.
PunchyFromCleveland
I’ve had two family members who were told that If they continued a pregnancy that they would almost certainly die due to the health risk>>
PunchyFromCleveland
2. Involved. They both had the baby. One is permanently disabled and dependent on her family for care, the other is about to die from>>
PunchyFromCleveland
3. metastatic cancer (treatable if they had handled right away). They both had 3 kids before this pregnancy occurred. I don’t understand.
Metzropolitan
Unfortunately post partum can hit with no history of depression. But I get the concern.
WeAllLiveInAUserSubmarine
You're not alone there. I also have a male friend who doesn't want to be accountable for a child's happiness when he struggles with his own.
Nalianna
This is why i don't want children. If i ever was to, I'd want them to be happier than i am. I can't promise that.
WuntchtimeIsOver
Might not be worth the risk for her...
ThatOneGuyWhoLikesCorgis
She’s at risk, but it’s not worth it to me and possibly make her worse. We’ve spoken and agreed it ain’t worth it.
Brand0calrisian
Yeah after the first one she was fine. She was better than she'd ever been but this one was completely different.
carebear5822
As someone who has suffered for years with my depression and anxiety having my child, which pregnancy had me in the hospital for attacks
carebear5822
that I couldn’t get to stop, was the best decision I ever made. Don’t let your mental disorder control you.
oniraphobia
If you're going to have a child and you have a mental illness, you need to have a n a, b, c, d etc plan with your medical team and>
oniraphobia
Partner. I want children. I have bipolar 2. More depression, less mania. I'm on medication, which manages my symptoms
margaretolson
Yeah that’s fair to your kid. This woman obviously feels differently. Don’t try to pressure people into choices they aren’t comfortable with
ThatOneGuyWhoLikesCorgis
I fear that she’ll get that post child birth depression and tbh it’s something we’ve spoke on and agreed on.
carebear5822
Yeah parenthood isn’t for everyone. I get that but never let of your mental illness decide your life,is what I was just trying to say.
Brand0calrisian
Yeah it is, I checked her into the mental hospital a couple of hours ago. She has a therapist and psychiatrist but it wasn't helping.
aninvisiblemaniac
gonna take some time most likely just try to be patient and understanding and always be around to listen
pileorats
You got help for her, now get some help for yourself and your children. Reach out. We’re not supposed to do this alone.
pssthtpssthtpss
So... on a serious note they are doing studies on psyllicibin helping with depression. I know it helped me.
BearsDontCare
Mental health is incredibly complex. Sometimes no progress seems to be made when its the opposute. Hang in there
fedeColorTerror
The therapy doesn't work in 1 month. It takes a little more to begin to be effective. Be patient and ask help to friends and family too
yabbadabbaderpityderpdurpderp
I hope you have family to help nearby?
mostlydrawing
If it's a choice between medication and breastfeeding, take the medication. I lived this and it's not easy. DM me if you need to talk.
Brand0calrisian
Yeah we got her on mer medication 3 days after the baby was born.
fozzibab
Meds. She has to start taking meds.
SlithyBorogoves
Yeah, but you can't while pregnant for most of them, so that's a good nine months that you have to go unmedicated and then deal with the /2
SlithyBorogoves
Post pardem stuff. It's tough to be sick and have kids :(
Helenmcmuffin
Being superdad isn't easy but you can do it. If you ever need help this whole community will always support you! I hope your days get easier
PoeticSoul
Yeah, superdads ask for boobs from other women to cheer him up while the mother of their children is suicidal and hospitalized.
fbutt09
@OP can your or her family support you? Family structure is also important and provides needed help at this difficult time.
Brand0calrisian
Yes, my parents live in my basement and my in-laws are 15 min away. They've been very helpful.
fbutt09
Good luck
kels2787
It will take time, there’s no quick fix, but you’re on the right track. I’m the one with the problems in my relationship; trust me, we 1/
kels2787
Want a solution as much as you do. It’s hard, and if we could wave a wand and fix it all we would
ImLukeSkywalkerImHereToRescueYou
Smart move, man. The thing you MUST remember is that having children affects women in ways you can't understand, and the mental 1/2
ImLukeSkywalkerImHereToRescueYou
illness and strain is immense. Be patient with her and support her. 2/2
adamant
Those places are no cakewalk. Make sure you both come up with a plan together. Learn the resources that are in your area. Take care of you
ForkOffPlease
Yes, some of those places are hellish. Please be sure that the place is a good one, maybe look for infos from people who were treated 1/
ForkOffPlease
There. Sometimes they just keep you numb for your whole stay and don't help you at all. Unsurprisingly a lot of people get out and try 2/?
ForkOffPlease
Again. You should look for groups specialized in BD and PPD (even self help) and a good therapist. I wish am you a lot of strength. 3/3
vaporwavecatrave
Also, consider researching a good facility. A 'top in the state's facility I went to was mostly a holding cell for the homeless. Saw a 1/2
vaporwavecatrave
doctor once total in 3 days. That being said good job being supportive and well wishes!
Sharklaserspewpew
Kinda the state of the system. Good doctors and staff do exist. Even with poor resources :(
Ronelyn
*such huge hugs* It doesn't always go easily. She's where she can get immediate, intensive help. Try hard to see that you get help, too.
Ronelyn
*additional hugs* You did good. You both deserve love, respect, and aid getting through this.
DonnaNobleInTheLibrary
Can you get professional help who helps with the whole family deal? Friend used to have someone come by twice a week for half a day.
Covidnineteen
I've literally been through this exact thing with my wife. My best advice is to focus on the kids when they are awake. Focus on yourself
Covidnineteen
When they are asleep. I know it's hard, but while your wife is admitted there is little you can do other than offer kind words of support.
Covidnineteen
It's hard, but you can get through this
tg2222222
Then you have done the best thing for her. Now you need help looking after the kids.