kinda just here to vent

EmeraldNight

1309

again just here to vent. Friendly advice is accepted.

Context:
- Her corner of the room was always hotter than mine (maybe cause she's there?) with a delta of +5 degrees over mine. I have no qualms with this. I did enjoy having our computers in the same place. not having two gaming PCs in one room has made temps better.
- We share a twin sized bed because we can't afford a larger bed. I, in my sleep, apparently push her off the bed regularly. I hate that I do this. She's started sleeping on the couch in the living room
- Cuddles don't happen. Lewds rarely happen. Most that's happened is I got to hold her hand in the car when we go places.

IDK i feel like she's losing interest in me. idk how to approach this topic in conversation; communication has always been my weakness. I do really like her still but it doesn't feel like a relationship anymore; more a close friendship.

Some additional context based on comments:
- our bed situation is down to financial issues; we can't afford a bigger bed. We have four people (two couples) living in a 2 bed. Partner and one roommate both lost their jobs. I'm not upset over this; both reasons are very valid. It's just made money tight.
- I have no problems with her desk being moved out of the bedroom due to the temp issues. It's in the absurdly wide entryway just outside "our" room.
- lack of lewd stuff isn't an issue. I'd just love to have the occasional cuddle sesh.
- My issue is more that I don't know how to open the conversation. I hate the "hey, we need to talk" thing. it doesn't help that I spent most of my life having any expression of emotion (quite literally) beaten out of me.

PenguinNamedWobbles

Have you tried dressing like Santa claus?

1 week ago |

Sulexar

However you approach it, do it sooner rather than later.

evolution4407

Show her you care by offering to trade with her. Tell her that you hate that she's having to sleep on the couch and offer her the bed. Also tell her you miss her (and her booty). Also, I agree with iamgnat: Maybe spend less time gaming. That's time you and your girlfriend could be spending together; take her out on a date.

wargames

just have her tie you up at night.

KnightWithShiningCamera

017renegade

https://media1.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1MWJ1YzRrYjR0aDB0dHlxZHM0OXU3N3N5ZmpnMDVyYXM2bWgybjRzbCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/mjjXtyaoQJ6BlhkpWp/200w.webp

ViolentlyJaded

Talk to her about it. Decide what you're prepared to accept about your life. Good luck!

mediumnonstickskillet

You don't have a girlfriend. You have an ex who hasn't moved out yet. Sorry man. It happens.

Teratoid

Remember the part of "friend" in boyfriend and girlfriend.

Talk to her with compassion. Focus on what she's experiencing.

Talk about the distance, and your concern.

But, mostly listen.

killallkingsclothing

Get a real bed.

RomanValkre

Move your rig to the living room, and get a bigger bed, don't have to be super expensive.

charondaboatman

Couples therapy. It helps, if you want it to.

ProChoiceBaby

Have sex with her computer and make her watch to establish dominance.

LilyBellGiantess

Maintaining intense eye contact the whole time

okay this is entirely the wrong answer but it did make me smile briefly so thank you.

iamgnat

Moving to the couch cause you push her off the bed is understandable. Maybe spending less on gaming for a bit can help with the bed situation?

That she moved her computer out and the intimacy has tanked, however, are a different kettle of fish. There is a good chance that she is done with such a relationship with you.

Doesn't sound like you are the only one with communication issues here if she hasn't brought it up either.

gaming isn't really a money sink; financial issues are due to her and one of our roommates in the apartment losing their jobs. Our plan was to get a queen or a king depending on how they'd fit but it's kinda hard when everyones money is going towards bills.

Fair enough. Didn't mean it like cutting down on Avacado Toast, was just a suggestion as I know gaming can be crazy expensive these days.

Maybe try reaching out to her in a private chat online? At least to get the subject started between you. Maybe the separation by being online will make it easier for you to say what you need to say?

her desk is literally ten feet away from mine. Any conversation had over text chat can be had in person. I just struggle with opening dialogue and in-person conversation.

MyHuskyAteMySandwichAgain

If you don't know a good way to do something, but you really need to do it, then you really don't have the luxury of choices. You simply need to say, "Hey, are we ok?" Your whole situation sounds like a shitshow wrapped in a stress bomb boxed in a clusterfuck. Some people need space when the whole situation goes sideways, and some people bail. You need to know what's happening for your own health and safety. Whatever else happens after, that's for the after part.

KilroyLichking

pro tip two twin matrices = king size mattress the standard walmart bed frame is adjustable from double out to king or if you cant afford the frame just put the mattress on the floor. the point is push the two twins together punch a hole through the corners and zip tie the together and just pop a king size fitted sheet over it bam snu snu is back on the menu.

Arcblaire

This isnt super helpful but an approach I use is start off blunt and soften as the conversation begins "Im worried about (lack of intimacy, motivation behind change in sleeping arrangement), its making me(sad, uncomfortable, scared) and wont go away by itself" Just say what you brought up here, doesnt have to be well thought out.

Digitalwolf

Hit the gym.

DoingItWrongSince1980

Ask her if there's anything she's always wanted to try in bed or if she has any fantasies.

If she gives nothing, tell her you want to try a few things and try some common turn-ons. Just the mild ones that don't hurt if it's a miss, like light touches while you gently kiss the back of her neck and ears, or whispering in her ear what you want her to do to you.

Don't just try to fuck her or complain that she doesn't. Be direct and find out what you can do to make her want to fuck you.

lightfoot2

You have a roommate. Is she paying 1/2 the rent?

ideally 1/4 but I'm a nice person and adjust expections based off employment and income. in a 2-roommate scenario if someone makes half as much as me I'll happily pay 2/3 of the rent.

WafflesTasty

I think you should probably just find a levelheaded way of telling her this instead of us. Seems weird you saying you can't approach the topic because it sounds like you're approaching it just fine

LitterBoxKing

Ditto. @op seems to have everything in perspective but doesn't want a potential confrontation.

(Which, for the record, I definitely understand...)

it's less "how do I have the conversation" and more "how do I open it"

for 20+ years I've had "you shouldn't share your emotions" beaten into me. I'm still learning how to express them.

charliethewizard

Start there. "I'm having difficulty expressing/understanding my emotions. I want to talk through them together." Explore what isn't being met on her end?

iI would like to thank you and @WafflesTasty for giving the only reasonable responses so far.

Yea man good luck. You are disappointed in the relationship now, but she may already have been disappointed herself for a longer time than you noticed. She may have reasons for being disappointed that you aren't aware of. And maybe once you understand those reasons they might become something you can actually deal with and get your girl on your side again

For some of us, there is a VAST difference between shouting our problems into the void and dealing with them in person.

Okay but there's no other way around it. This information at the top needs to go in the girl's head and a conversation needs to spark out of it some way or the other

Absolutely. I was commenting on your second sentence.

I totally get being able to coherently spout my issues online or to my therapist, but being unable to do so with my partner. It's the feelings that are the problem for me. As soon as they come into the conversation I lose the plot :-(

Oh yeah me too but I'm a raving autist. My solution is to keep looking until I find a raving autist gf

TruckerKunIsekaiGod

Bro, a twin is not a big bed.
What brought about her moving her desk into the living room?
I would say talk to her about it.
If the room can fit a queen bed, it can fit a queen girlfriend.
The .ain't thing is to talk yo her about it rather than letting your mind run wild.

It's actually in the hallway next to our bedroom (hallway is like 8 feet wide for some ungodly reason). the reason for moving her desk was both of our gaming PCs in a room with no AC was causing the room temp to become unreasonably high. I'm not upset about this part. It's just the first thing that happened.

How big is the living room? If it is bigger than the bedroom, maybe ask her if she wants to rearrange the house with you, or at least float the idea.
You can both game in the living room together.
Open up to her, I know the worst case is she really is putting distance, but the answer could be simpler and not as bad as that.

Ask if "we" should think about getting a bigger bed and gauge her reaction. If she seems enthused, then the bed might be too small.

Our two roommates have their desks in the living room already. Their desks won't fit in their bedroom. We've already settled on getting a bigger bed. It's just a funding issue. Idk if a bigger bed would help though

Ah, roommates.
I didn't think about that.
You don't have to pay off a new bed all in one shot, but I get that money is tight, it seems this way everywhere.

I would say talk to her. It's a lot better than beating yourself up. If something is bothering her, it's better to know than to let it fester.
I'm not sure if you have tried, but you could also just ask her if she would like to cuddle this fair evening.

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