wixodax1197
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Aug 22, 2025 10:36 PM
wixodax1197
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chormin
#1 probably the only way Id get into heaven anyway, so I'll take it
Exyr
#13 I have questions.
TiredBanana
#14 If i ever have a gay son i'm gonna tell him he's gonna have nobody to wash his dishes.
You know... Because belittling people based on gender is funny and wholesome.
https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1bHltYndwd2o5c3ZyY3p2OWU3aDM5MDM0MGQyM3gwb3o4aHZkZTR4NyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/XgXyfLgsf08yAoyrom/200w.webp
CritCatRedux
It’s a matter of punching up rather than punching down. Also the humor of this joke lies in that mother not having a better complaint, not actually a joke against men.
DanielZahn
#27 That's why the golden rings. Keep them waiting for more.
TattoosAndTENS
#28 TIL Schrödinger was a “shorts in the winter” bro
0RocketCat0
#1: On the bright side, in heaven, everybody has a perfect ass. And nobody farts except when it's genuinely funny.
IceWeaselX
If he's stuck in the rear end of a 2 person horse costume for eternity, every fart is genuinely funny.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
#1 so many disposable gowns
MechaNinja
If I was a gay woman, I'd date only gym rats. Fuck yo' jar.
Keabs675
#1 Ahem: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jfTgyl6NIQ
gorillaClutch
#1 I can think of worse ways to spend eternity than staring at my wife's ass.
brettfMagnet
#12 toad in the hole!
bassmidnitro
#6 I feel this so deep. See also: slowest traffic lane on the high way.
fartharder
#4 a soup bar does sound like a cool work party catering idea
ElecTech
#9 These are perfectly substitutable for games and fun.
InfocalypseRising
Until you do that a couple times and then realize your place is filthy and the only thing you have to eat is waffle cones
mafiacarstarter
Unless you like having your chores and errands done.
KatinaChoovansky
#27 Well they calm things down on the 5th day with a nice set of golden rings. Then on the 6th day, BAM, SIX GEESE ACTIVELY LAYING EGGS!
IceWeaselX
It's widely believed that "5 gold rings" refers to ring-necked pheasants, although the earliest known illustration for that part of the song shows jewelry.
justaguyinthebackrow
I wouldn't say widely, at least outside of imgur and twitter.
pixelscapes
pixelscapes
(Ring-neck pheasants)
mpowers2345365
#10 is Stephen King's mind
amp99
#7
levyathyn
That daughter looks crisp
eetsumkaus
#6 that's every line though. Grocery store checkout lanes taught me how BAD people are at following directions.
Rookvlees
#5 Madame, we are gay. We can’t be bothered about the worm girlfriends. Those pockets are for sunglasses and poppers.
zeebeez13
#12 Toad in the/a hole...
QueLinda1205
My mom always called them bullseye sandwiches. I call them eggs in a basket.
HurricaneShade
Egg in a hole also acceptable
ChickenTendercles
Eggs on a raft
ReleaseTheBeeees
Toad in the hole is sausages in a Yorkshire pudding
Roune
Bird’s nests
0xDEC0DE
I literally called this "the egg bread thing" because I had no idea what it's name was
ArcheiaSophiaMetatronsWife
Camel's eye
LoopStricken
Toad in the Hole is sausages in batter, not, this... egg in toast!
Grimman06
Eggies in a basket
demolitionlover09
I’d never heard of it until i watched V for Vendetta so i call it this by default
fivehelicopter
One eyed sailor.
BriefcaseTacos
One-eyed Pete
2dogsfing
Gas house egg - don’t know the origin , possibly German ? for guest house ?
Omicron416
It would be "Gasthaus" if so.
AydenBeeson
Eggs in toast we called it, but I've heard this too. I like Alabama eggs and will be using it now though
Skawomplious
That's how I know it.
synonymswirl
Toad in the A-Hole?
MomTheMeatloafWeStillWantIt
That's exactly how I read this comment too
TattoosAndTENS
#18 only four of these are safe to use.
anjeleyezjr
The ones with the flared base. The rest are ER visits waiting to happen.
bobthefunny
Only 3 have a flared base... but the angel has wings.
GanondorfLink
I'm only seeing 2. One doesn't really actually have a base, and the of the three that do one looks to be far too large to be safe.
pierceeze
#27 5 golden ring-necked pheasants. The birds don’t stop baby
nefroye
#16 While I love the sentiment - the response is so well written I don't think it was actually written by the same person.
Aerina
Honestly, I just want to see if there was a reply. Like how funny would it be if the guy was like, "Nice clapback, but I'm Mexican." Or something along those lines. What would the original guy say after that. Or maybe, "Why would I need to speak other languages when I speak the best one?" So many possibilities.
Arracor
Nah it's perfectly normal for non-native English speakers to be perfectly grammatical/literate until they get tripped up by a weird usecase.
SoberAndBored
#1 There was a TV series in the UK called "Rentaghost" One of the ghosts was Dobbin, a pantomime horse
KittyKlimt6
#14 if you like dick, they also have dicks. And if you choose wisely, some are capable of making money. Three green flags already. Oh and they reach higher and can carry heavy stuff. Fife!
tizme
By far, one of my favorite posts out there (and I’ve been on Imgur for like 12/13 years). Thanks!
WellThatsOriginal
So you're telling me that spiders have been around for 400 million years?
Yarnham1
around 380 rounded, yeah.
foreverinchains
At least 380 million years. Possibly more.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution_of_spiders
Fn0rd
Bro. It’s three in the morning, I just got woken up by my body who irrationally decided that 5 hours of sleep is more than enough. I just read through the whole article like I’m studying for an exam. Clicking reference links left and right and understanding only a third of the words written down. Thanks for letting me try find a boring topic to get to sleep again… yet this is no where near boring!!! And now I’m knee deep into a prehistoric spiders rabbit hole.
Wgafayihyd
Don't you love it. Tangents are what keep me going.
Fn0rd
Tangents were nice, random ADHD hyperfixations are a bitch at three in the morning.
bobthefunny
#22 1/7
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Fn0rd
#14 I personally know too many men, where this would be factually true. And some who are overpowered by jars on a regularly basis.
bluntforcedrama
I initially read "I personally know too many men," as ending with a period. I mean, I get it
raiker333
It's all about grip. They make oven mits that double as jar openers now
boevis
They also make can openers, crab claw crackers, and various other kitchen tools that the handles double as jar openers.
SheWhoRunsWithRaptors
I heard it as a ‘hole in one’
krill3
Just use the handle end of a teaspoon between the lid and jar to release the pressure, no need for any silly feats of strength or gadgets
Fn0rd
Exactly this! It’s the easiest shit ever. And everyone I use it in front of others they are astonished that it works… I’m happy to teach my friends new things, but this needs to be way more common knowledge.
ElbowDeepInAJedi
I want "Overpowered By Jars" on my tombstone
Illumian85
A tip for anyone who struggles with jars, you can get a small strap wrench at your local hardware store, and it will open just about any jar with ease. (If you also have trouble gripping the jar, just get a second strap wrench)
boevis
Do y'all really not just run it under warm water, or own a multi-opener, or a jar lid gripper, or just shelf liner? Literally $2 solves your problems.
Fn0rd
Or, look for a spot in the bottom of the lid where the glass and the metal are not engaging completely. Shove the end of a fork into it and lift outwards, air rushes in, breaks the seal and you can open it easily. I’ve done it this way for over 2 decades.
CeoHuntingSeason
What a lot of misandry, imagine saying women are only good for one thing, and then saying haha that's the only good thing he could think about women
Fn0rd
You are aware that I‘m a dude. And to be honest, there are some specimen among us that have only two braincells which are fighting for third place. How else could you rectify the turnout for someone like Trump? Actively voting AGAINST their own interest?
InTangier
Well, those jokes were the norm for, what, centuries?
ChickenTendercles
NGL, I had the same thought.
scrumby
Misogyny is still justified with the idea that women exist to have babies for men, so maybe pull your head out of your ass and see if some other, less stupid thoughts can make their way in.
scrumby
We don't have to imagine it because that's a thing that happened for literal millennia and was used to justify the disenfranchisment and brutal subjugation of women. When men are forced into slavery as jar-openers, I'll worry about reducing them to just one thing.
PostalHeathen
#4 The soup would excite me more than the DJ. Am I old?
IceWeaselX
Noticed these letters before the entire comment registered in my head. Am I old?
Mcmaclassie
Honestly, me too. Especially if it's ramen, but really any kind of soup.
InitHello
On his 90th birthday, dude's wife said "happy birthday, would you like super sex?"
He replied "ehhh ... I'll have the soup"
Willste
Nope, hungry. 😆
Omicron416
Depends on the soup.
anjeleyezjr
A delightful bowl of soup or some overloud button pusher. The choice is simple. Soup time, bitches.
nosimpleway
Old and correct, if that helps.
whatifdogwasoneofus
REEEEEE-BIIIIISQUE
LetsEatGrandpaCommasSaveLives
DJ Bisque is a badass
SkyHighInc
Yeah, well, 10 years ago, I would have thought the teeth thing funny
commentsbadcomments
Good soup can be hard to find, house edm music can ruin your day anywhere.
XuncuTheTiger
ElecTech
Depends on the soup. Miso and a rare select few others and I'm with you.
HelikaformerNubisKnight9
Maybe just hungry and / or a soup connoiseur?
Raventhief
Perhaps. But soup is awesome. I made an excellent cream of potato with mushroom and bacon last winter that I will forever be striving to replicate.
PotatoCatz
If you do, please share photos!!!
KaptainObveeus
You are my age. I am craving soup now. Not old!