I think about her every day

Nov 13, 2020 1:17 PM

My mother was a nursing home resident, and sadly she passed away from Covid this spring. My sister and I decided to honor her by buying some gifts for some residents who don't have any family. I ended up recruiting several family members to join us and now it's turning into a bit of a thing. I'm proud to be honoring her memory like this, and I know she'd be proud of me for doing so.

I miss you mom

Front page edit: I had several requests about how people can do this themselves, or if they can join in my effort. If you want to do something similar yourself I'd suggest starting by contacting a nursing home in your area and ask to speak with a social worker. They will know which residents don't have any family. I'd also try and get in touch with the activities coordinator, who will know which residents don't get visitors and are most in need of some charity. Ask them if they could create a personalized list of those residents and specific needs/wants unique to each resident.

Or, if you want to join my effort, that would be wonderful! I'm located in Syracuse, NY, and if you send me a message I'll happily coordinate with you. No money necessary! Crafts, artwork, Skype calls, and possibly even baked goods (still waiting for confirmation that it is okay with the pandemic) are all needed as well!!

secret_santa

wear_a_mask

covid_sucks

I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like passed on her compassion

4 years ago | Likes 140 Dislikes 1

Thank you very much. She was big on charity and giving back.

4 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 0

That's a great idea! I'm gonna use that.

4 years ago | Likes 55 Dislikes 0

Please, please do! I'd suggest starting by contacting the social worker(a) on staff at the nursing homes, and maybe the activities 1/

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Coordinator. They will know which residents don't have family or don't get visitations. Keep being awesome!

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

As a nurse in ltc may I suggest items like disposable razors, toothpaste/brush, deodorant and shaving cream as stocking stuffers?

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

These are cheap but valuable items for people with not family to provide foe them.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Thanks for the suggestion, that's great to know! Also thank you for everything you do

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Great way to honor your mother's memory @op. Good for you!

4 years ago | Likes 286 Dislikes 1

Thanks! I'm going to make it a yearly commitment of mine from now on. So far I've got 11 friends and relatives to join me!

4 years ago | Likes 20 Dislikes 0

I might look into this where I live depending on my funds after getting the fam their presents. Thanks for the awesome idea!

4 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

as well as activities directors who are familiar with any visitations those residents get. I'd start with them. Be sure to ask about 2/

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

That's wonderful, thank you! Every nursing home has social workers that are familiar with the family situation of their residents, 1/

4 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

specific requests/needs unique to the resident you are buying for! 3

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Cool, thanks!

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

lol. I've had 2 negative experiences. Didn't get a gift years ago. Decided to try again last year, same result. I know there is a (1)

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

"backup plan" but I never bothered. I didn't want a fucking pity present. I'll never participate again. (2)

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That's really shitty, I'm so sorry

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I send people all the origami I have made during the last few months

4 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

@OP I’m in NY too. (Downstate though). If you are looking for help, I can get together a gift or two.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I'm certainly not going to say no! Send me a PM and I'll let you know ASAP WHEN when I have more specific details in a few days

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

As a retirement home administrator, I just want to say Thank you!

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

This is something @freepizzadude should get behind. Maybe @freepresentdudebcpupd be a thing

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Ive done it twice, didn’t get anything in return either time. I’m not signing up for it again.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

You're not the only person to say this, I'm so sorry to hear that

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

What a wonderful idea. Can we all join in? I have no need for gifts from others, but giving something would be a great end to 2020.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

To join me in my endevour

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I've had several requests to that effect. I may either make an instructional post for how to do this in your own town, or requesting offers1

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

You rock!

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

@op please send me a mailing address. I'd like to Santa you and your sister a small hand made gift ❤️

4 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

Instead of a secret Santa, you'll be a sacred Santa this year, thank you for a such wholesome inspiration

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I'm trying to move and having to suffer from covid and loss of hours. Im still doing SS as it makes me feel good about myself

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Well, that's awesome! But who's gonna be your secret santa?

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

My blood boils every time I drive past the local nursing home and see the staff outside congregating without masks. Now I'm mad again.

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I would fire them so fast

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That's such an incredible thing. How can I help @op?

4 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

Call your local nursing homes and see if there’s some people who don’t have family visit. Get your family and friends to help you.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Sorry for your loss @op. You are making your momma proud!

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Thank you! I'm doing what I can

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

My mom used to live in a nursing home. She has been gone for six weeks and I still miss her.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It may seem trite but I promise it does get better with time. The pain never goes away, but it gets better

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

This is an amazing idea!!! I'm in NJ if someone wants to get together and do this! I hated visiting nursing homes as a kid because it was 1/

4 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

2/ so depressing. And now that my grandmother is in one, I want to make her holiday, and others' there, better now that I have money.

4 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Will probably be familiar with which residents get the fewest visits and are most in need 2

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Great advice, thank you!

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

My pleasure!

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I'd suggest contacting a social worker at the home and asking about residents that don't have families. Also the activities coordinator 1/

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I would love to do it but i just don't have the disposable income and i just don't know how much people spend on this thing.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Secret Santa is usually up to $25 or so, although if you want to spend more you obviously can

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Thats not too bad, maybe i'll give it a shot

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Just be aware there is a chance you may not get something back because some people suck. But I've gotten some wonderful gifts given to me

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I actually worry less about that than i worry about sending something bad.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

When you sign up you fill out a form about your interests, which gets sent to your Santa. Just stick to that and you'll do fine

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

What a good idea. I'll contact my grandpa's nursing home and see what I can do. I'd pitch into yours too if you weren't two hours away.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That's so thoughtful of you, I hope you're able to brighten up someone's holiday!!

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

After three negative ones I'm not doing it ever again

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That's understandable, I'm very sorry to hear that

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Serious question. What can/should you buy for people in nursing homes? I always thought they had pretty strict rules for what you can have

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Naw, they can have pretty much anything that's not medicine. I'm working with the social workers and activities coordinator to get a 1/

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Her stocked FULL of munchies and goodies at all times!

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Personalized list of wants/needs for each resident without family and going from there. My mom was known as the snack lady because I kept 2/

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That is an awesome way to honor your mom @op!

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Thanks! I think she's be rather proud of me

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Thank goodness, one less post about someone who didn't get their SS-gift and how the world sucks :D I freaking hate Imgur's SS

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

That seems like a far better way to spend your money! I should lose my bitterness towards the elderly in our country but I’m mad at them

4 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Our country, economy, and world are in a horrible state and not enough of them cared to do anything to stop this all from happening

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

You're not wrong, but we be the change we want to see in the world by living a life of compassion and not bitter hatred

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

This. <3 It's absolutely the only way forward.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Oh no. I totally respect you & others for your kindness and agree with that. Forgiveness is really hard for most people though, me included

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Forgiveness is very difficult, as I know first hand. But staying angry is "like drinking poison and hoping the other guy dies"

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Those in nursing homes aren't the ones to be mad at, it's the ones in retirement communities

4 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Holy shit thats a spot on point and picture of misplaced classist anger in our country

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

People in nursing homes can still vote, no?

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Can, yes absolutely. Do? That's another question entirely, especially if they don't have family to bring them to the polls

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I've heard they simply get help filling out absentee ballots, no family or travel required. They're still voting citizens.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I hope that's how it works, because that's how it should work. I drove my mother to the polls though

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I’ve been screwed twice in a row doing SS first from the person and then from the backup....it’s a great idea but I’m not doing this anymore

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

People like you make me register as a Backup Santa this year so this stops happening. Shipping is very high in costs for packages, but 1/2

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

maybe I can send you a german christmas card? As a compensation for the Secret Santa packages that never came to you. Just if you want it

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I appreciate the offer but i’m ok, I just assumed life happened and they couldn’t send stuff or it was lost etc....thank you though

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I’m sure whoever needs a backup will appreciate you being their to help :) thank you though

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I'm very sorry to hear that. I'm pretty sure my first time I accidently sent alcohol to a minor...oops!

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Probably an interesting talk with the family when the mail arrived haha

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

The account was several years old, but got deleted shortly after the gift was received. As an interest they said "booze" which it didn't 1/

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Occur to me until late that it was a very immature way to phrase that

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I signed up this year reluctantly. Last two years I was disappointed.

4 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 1

Same here. 2 years both gifters and back up ones didn't send either.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Same, I made a real effort and got an empty mail box in return.

4 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

An empty box, seriously? If you're going to spend money on postage, at least fill it with dead leaves or glitter or something.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I didn't realize ppl trolled Secret Santa too. That sucks.

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Jeez, you'd think if they made the effort to mail the box and pay the postage, they'd at least put SOMETHING in it. Like, cookies at least.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Participated 2 years in a row and was a backup gifter one of those years. Never received a gift back either. Can't afford it this year.

4 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

People like you make me register as a Backup Santa this year so this stops happening. Shipping is very high in costs for packages, but 1/2

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

maybe I can send you a german christmas card? As a compensation for the Secret Santa packages that never came to you. Just if you want it

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I would love to do a card exchange, I've been making Christmas cards! That sounds lovely ❤

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Had someone bail on me last year, my backup gifter kicked ass. Just doubled my family size for gifts or I'd be signing up backup this year

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

My SS ghosted me last year so this year I’ve made a note to even just send a card or token so I know you’re not justa SS freeloading asshole

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Last two years I was definitely happy with mine. If you are still disappointed this year, tell me.

4 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 1

That sucks you had negative experiences. Maybe this will be the one

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

uh oh. this is my first year. what was disappointing? I've been bipolarly dreading this and excited. I'm afraid I'm going to get rick rolled

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Fears abated, you guys are the best. hopefully I get one of you all.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

This is my 4th (I think) & have received some great gifts. I've also tried to get a few small things from the recipient's list of interests

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I've had good experiences from it but YMMV

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

3rd year for me, never been disappointed. Well one year the recipient never made a post, but meh, at least they got something.

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I've always enjoyed my gifts and the act of gifting. I never expected responses from what I sent. I think it depends on your expectations.

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Been doing it for years and I've never been disappointed! :)

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

but lazily, like just an envelope with a sticky note with a single written line 'Never gonna give you up' and thats it.

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I've did it once, had a really good experience. My GF was a lurker and opened an account to do it last year. Made a nice gift to someone. 1/

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

She never received a confirmation he/she received it and the person that picked her never sent anything. 2/

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I've seen that they match people who are active. I've registered again, It was fun for me. Worst case you make someone happy. 3/3

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

As long as you have fun with it, it will be okay. There's people who abuse this to get free stuff and not send anything. Hopefully that

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Doesn't happen but if it does, they have backup gifters to help out. Ive done it twice before and both times, the people I had were so nice

4 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I never even got a response to know if they got their gifts... It seemed like no one really liked what I got them despite spending hours

4 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Shopping for them...

4 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

They probably did tho, some people just lurk for their own reasons. I got a recipient with 0 posts, didn't post mine either.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

And I spent like $70 just on the shipping to frickin Australia from Scandinavia, I just assume they liked it. I would have.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0