NoobsStfu
119031
3197
100
Feb 14, 2021 9:20 AM
NoobsStfu
119031
3197
100
JustLettingPeopleBeWrong
Thumbnail is cropped to say 'Stop holding her hand' and I was WILDLY confused.
TheMarvinator
Argue in front of the kids. Show them how to talk, resolve a disagreement and make up. They need to understand and learn from you both
noReallyIamPrincessBob
If I have a fight with you, do NOT expect make up sex. Fighting does nothing for the ‘mood’.
ventikona
I think his point was that making up can do something for the mood, not that fighting can.
thoushaltnotpass
I wish my SO knew about this. These advise apply to both sides of the relationship.
doesntmatter
100%
NotQuiteBlonde
Send it to them. When mine wakes up, I plan to do the same, and to mention the things he's great at and what I plan to improve on.
edmac23
Check out the love nudge app. It's free and very helpful
VInTheSkyWithElephants
You actually should let the kids see you fight, so they know it’s normal in a healthy relationship. They should also see you make up so they
VInTheSkyWithElephants
Learn how to resolve arguments
CreatureFromtheBlackLegume
#9 is legally blonde but the quotes wrong
SweetMystique
My husband and I are a team. Us vs the world.
FILASchwinn
I hope to find this one day. Thought I did, but it was more her vs the world and me tagging along if I fit her narrative of the ideal.
khaosaugur
Married for 23 years. Very much in love with my spouse. I feel like if you need to be told most of these things, something's wrong.
CrispyNougat
Don't yell in your house when you want their attention. Go find them and speak in person. Save yelling for emergencies.
woodenrobot
I’m mean, good advice both ways
awkwardbeautiful
I agree, while this is a man talking about how to treat a wife,few things stated can’t be reversed. Women absolutely should treat their /2
awkwardbeautiful
2/ husbands with respect, love, honesty, and understanding. Couples need to communicate w/ eachother.
NocturnalGuy
Don't tell me what to do
amop
This projects so much. Love’s subjective, don’t listen to shallow, close-minded, pigeon-holers who think there’s only 1 right solution to it
Photeus
Some things I'd agree with. Keeping yourself attractive with one another, when it matters is important. Shows you care
Photeus
But willing to be lazy and unattractive with each other is ok too. Gotta also be willing to let down the guard and just love, imo.
amop
I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, i’m saying depending on who’s in the relationship, its validity changes
Youhavinagiraffe
Not sure if I agree entirely with the not arguing in front of kids thing. My parents use to argue privately but I'd notice the atmosphere...
Youhavinagiraffe
...between them and assume it was my fault
SybilCrawley
I've been married 20+ years and we absolutely yell at each other sometimes (no name calling though) and we call eachother out on BS behavior
SybilCrawley
My husband makes me a better person. We're a team working together against the world. But we're also not the same people that we married.
arcenlapin
9 is so hard lol. It's not just me rolling back over to snooze, it's both of us snuggled together. Hard to say yes to sweaty exercise, and>>
arcenlapin
>>no to happy, warm cuddles. Lol I can definitely say that it IS harder to exercise when it's only one of you though. So support is always>>
arcenlapin
>>great!
BestDadPiccolo
We poop with the bathroom door open because the cats will throw a fit if they can't come and go as they please.
sinding79
As long as that is what you want. Otherwise, animals shouldn't set the house rules, no matter the power struggle you'd have to go through.
Xanadulou
Why not put a pet door in? Then everyone wins, no?
justinfortheapi
Couples who poop together stay together!
MrShieldy
If it bothers no one, great. But I'm sure you talked about it and didn't just start doing it. Talking to each other could literally solve
MrShieldy
Each and every one of those up there. Be open and nice to the person you love. Shouldn't be a big thing.
BladeTurMoiL
Yeah we have 15.. im getting my privacy. They’re not even allowed in the master bedroom. We hear 6 am meows, but. I get one on one time.
BladeTurMoiL
Im not sure why i have 5 downvotes lol
toxcrusadr
CRazy cat people?
toxcrusadr
You have 15 cats?!
BladeTurMoiL
Yeah. 3 are mine, 2 are gf’s. My family moved in with 3 and a litter of 7 kittens, who never found another home. So they’re staying. Lol
2ToTooOrTwo
Arguments are part of a healthy relationship. Show your kids how healthy relationships work, don't gaslight them.
astrangehop
Gaslighting ≠ lying.
minuteye
Agreed. Watching parents argue in a healthy way and then resolve the disagreement is how kids learn conflict resolution.
angelghoul
I plug my BF’s dying phone into a nearby charger when he doesn’t realize his phone is gonna die. I’m sort of a romantic myself.
ShibesKeanu
Who poops with the door open when others are present? Seems really inconsiderate.
pretenditswhales
TL:DR Why are divorces so expensive?
ORIONBOUND
Bruh so my divorced parents did everything wrong? Eye opener.
MrShieldy
Some of these are absolute garbage. Don't do the extremes. Of course you shouldn't tell her how to cook her eggs, but if you don't like
MrShieldy
How she cooks them for you, tell her politely and find a way to cook them so you like them both. Don't just say nothing ever about her flaws
ventikona
It’s one thing to tell her your preference, it’s another thing to tell her she’s bad at everything.
MrShieldy
Also sometimes, distance is what you need. Stop in a fight, distance yourself and cool off.Afterwards talk about it without the fog of anger
MrShieldy
Also, who the fuck poops with the bathroom door open. Wtf.
DarkWingz
If you ever lived with someone who shuts it down. Cools down and refuses to discuss later then you'll find it's a legit comment.
MrShieldy
Well, seems like you made the wrong choice in partner then. Maybe you should know these things before living together.
notacobra
Australian TL;DR: don't be a cunt to your SO
notoriousplb
Coz they're written in the first person I was reading these thinking, you sound like a complete cunt.
Guy954
These three comments sum up the whole thing. Seriously, why would anyone think it’s ok to poop with the door open?!
MentatGamer
Fuckin’ poetry, mate.
noodalee
Oh god, can you imagine feeling like you always had to hold in your farts AT HOME? What kind of life is that?
whytheheck
Some of us are lactose intolerant. Choosing to fart is not an option :'(
whytheheck
Choosing to avoid dairy is an option, but I'm a stubborn cheese hound.
SybilCrawley
Ugh I wish I could fart on demand like my husband. I can out burp him any day but he owns the fart trophy.
AvagadrosAvocados
My marriage would have been over after the first trip to a Mexican restaurant. We both have digestion issues. Lol
DubhIainn
17:Do NOT allow yourself to take the blame for everything that goes wrong. Don't be afraid to stand your ground for integrity if you have to
Sace1683jl
underrated
DubhIainn
It can be a slippery slope and it becomes common place that you'll just take the blame, to make the confrontation go away.
Vaeyn
A lot if these end with, what sounds like, "and if you do this maybe she will deign to have sex with you that night." Dunno, seemed strange.
internetuserr
I agree! Like he’s sex starved or manipulative where he’s only being nice for some action
NotACanadian
Yeah the whole "women are the holders of men's worth and value" just sets the stage for a toxic relationship
dothedu
That is only mentioned in 2 out of 16.
whytheheck
I count six. 2, 4, 6, 10, 15, 16.
zwinzCookieTerror
2 much
minuteye
1/ This mixes some really important things in with completely trivial things. Yelling "honey, where are my keys?" across the house isn't
minuteye
2/ going to destroy your marriage. Being hypercritical or becoming emotionally distant to punish your spouse definitely will.
melveys
Raising your voice to be heard is not the same as raising your voice in anger.
minuteye
Yeah, and #5 is explicitly talking about "lazy yelling" not "angry yelling".
TavrinCallas
Some great advice. Although you should also take note that relationships aren’t one size fits all.
LocalZoophile
Yeah. Pooping and farting in front of me usually shows vulnerability, which is a positive. Just try not to be too stinky ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
NerdyBird92
Also this is very obviously directed at "husband to wife"
AnnieBahde
Which ones don’t generalize well to “how to treat your partner” regardless of sex?
ImOPsMom
People get angry at the use of "He" and Her" nowadays even if it's super easy to just interchange it for "Him/Him" or "Her/Her"
Akurei00
Yeah, a lot of these are house, a few are weird. Farting in front of someone? Never having an argument on front of kids? Maybe not scream, »
LadyAzzura
Yea me and my husband are 10 years together and laughed at a few of these. Still in very much love. We have our own rules lol
Akurei00
Same. I've been in a relationship with my wife for 18, now. Jesus, I'm getting old.
LadyAzzura
We aren’t old. Just aged like fine wine.
Akurei00
« but letting your kids see how you're able to resolve conflicts with your spouse is a positive.
MrFancyPanzer
A relationship is a two way street or so I have been told, the responsibility of keeping it healthy shouldn't rest on the shoulders of one.
bmouse127001
Yeah.... When I got to number 4 and counted 3 'do x for her', I stopped reading. A relationship is work for both, or I don't want it.
JennifirTreesCrowsNest131324
Omg they're just suggestions, I'm a woman and thought I could apply these to my husband. At this point you're choosing ignorance.
lunaWonderland
@ the men that are sweaty after reading this. This is great advice for both people in the relationship! Lool calm down
FILASchwinn
This, the expectation of one side putting in the 200% being returned with concurrent appreciation and intimacy is not the case.
FILASchwinn
*always
IamRodHull
ArielUnderfoot
I was once told it’s like building a bridge. You are on opposite sides of a ravine. And you can scream and shout all you want about 1/2
ArielUnderfoot
What they need to be doing, but until you start doing the work on your side, nothing is going to get better.
HighrockTendales
I don't think there's anything to stop Women reading this as well and transposing the information...
Noismute
The ones that want you to maintain the relationship are the same ones that want you to regulate their emotions and responses... no dice.
FuckGlitter
This is true. But love languages for men and women tend to be different. Im sure you can adjust these or see how to use them as a woman.
CuttleFishOfCthulu
Thats obvious....
robcod
+1 After 15 years with a bipolar wife I have now broken every one of these I suppose. So burned out trying has only prolonged the kids agony
professionalopinion
But it’s all YOU can do. Your partner has to do his/her part. Or you’re sunk.
zwinzCookieTerror
Right, his is her. I'm pretty sure man like holding hands too.
8gigsofshark
Exactly. Good advice is centered on what YOU the listener should do, not what someone else should do.
GodzillaBoomingMarketOfDiabetes
I was just about to comment on how these are mostly directed towards the woman
AnotherHumanoid
How?
GodzillaBoomingMarketOfDiabetes
By half the advice boxes literally saying "her" why are there none for "him"?
LonelyVoid
Because you can use your brain and switch them in your head. It doesn't matter who this is directed to, it's good advice regardless
2ToTooOrTwo
Good thing you didn't...
ventikona
You’re right. This is from an article written by a guy who says he let his marriage fail and this is what he would have done differently.
GodzillaBoomingMarketOfDiabetes
Ok bro
ventikona
https://www.google.ca/amp/s/timpritchett.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/16-ways-i-blew-my-marriage/amp/
faja6419
each should take their individual responsibility less than that implicitly abdicates part of the responsibility
RayMC
Responsibility’s the most important thing in a relationship. You dont HAVE to take it though! I avoid relationships to avoid responsibility.
creechville
How does one go about getting their s/o to take more responsibility? They are the type of you ask or tell they want to do the exact opposite
faja6419
Learn to communicate, after my divorce I found a partner that does we can settle problems. Not always easy, but so good for both
creechville
I try to communicate but reacted to as if I'm bitching even if I say something as nice as possible or ask nothing at all
Kaleopolitus
Some people need to learn to communicate in a helpful manner. It could be either of you, as far as we know. Consider outside help.
FILASchwinn
My ex was like this, communication was only a one way street where it was correct if it only worked for her. Everything else was word vomit
xeonan
Seems like very traditional advice. One side submitting to keep the peace seems like a road to unhappiness and divorce.
harpti
You’re not always going to agree 100% of the time. To characterize voluntary concession as submission instead of resolution is selfish.
Raptor2023
You read this as submitting? An awful lot of these very specifically mentioned mutual failings, or had the speaker as the offender.
smellf
That's a very binary interpretation. I think the common thread is working on your own efforts within a relationship. You get what you give.
xeonan
Agreed. My GF and I work to keep a equal level of understanding, commitment and responsibility in the relationship which isn't what I read.
smellf
Gotchya. In healthy, balanced relationships both should work on all these things. Gotta acknowledge your own responsibilities, tho.
ventikona
It’s from an article where a guy writes about what he learned from his two failed marriages.
MissRepresented
Ooo do you have the sauce? I'd love to read the whole thing!
ventikona
https://www.google.ca/amp/s/timpritchett.wordpress.com/2012/10/20/16-ways-i-blew-my-marriage/amp/
tcpolecat7
Traditional does not always mean wrong.
xeonan
Traditional works for some I guess. I look at it that I would rather have a partner than a wife. I like a level playing field w/o all the bs
illegalacorn
it's also about self-awareness, which is good no matter how traditional you are or aren't.
xeonan
I can see that. My GF and I probably communicate more or something. We've never had a problem with a majority of things listed here.
TinkTheTank
^^^thats my partner and if they did half the shit that this post recommended we'd have some problems for the way our relationship works
Sace1683jl
well, this advice comes from someone who obviously had a failed marriage.
SerialChickenLover
I feel like these are all from the male perspective because collecting male voices was the point. Not because men have to submit, but/
SerialChickenLover
/maybe I’m too “new school,” but no one should “submit” in marriage. It is and should be an equal partnership.
xeonan
I agree that a relationship should be a level playing field for both parties involved. With is why I expressed my discontent with these tips
xeonan
My parents had the "traditional" relationship and that ended in a good ole divorce. Very not fun for me in the siblings.
xeonan
Maybe I have a colored view on things because of it... * Shrug *
ventikona
It was a man’s blog post about what he personally learned from his two failed marriages.
SerialChickenLover
Well, there we go. The dude I was replying to was just projecting, then.
ventikona
I don’t see any of this as submitting though. It’s basically “don’t be a jerk and don’t be gross”.