StevenAlleyn
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I last saw her at her wedding. Our lives were busy & we lost touch. I knew she had cancer but I didn’t realize how bad it had gotten.
My sister called me Tuesday & told me she had passed & I’ve been in a daze since then. I periodically, privately burst into tears. I’m in a weird, emotionally hypersensitive state - I heard a YouTube science personality read a positive comment today & I got so choked up I nearly had to pull over.
After 10 years without her in my life I’m embarrassed by how hard her passing is hitting me. It feels like it comes across as performative, so I’ve been keeping it private. But I just… I hate that I’m never going to see her again. I hate to know that the world doesn’t have her in it, anymore.
I’m just very, very sad.
EDIT: Thank you everyone for your kind words & I guess also that one guy for his needlessly hurtful ones. For those worried - I’m not in crisis, just sad. I genuinely appreciate all this support. Thank you.
#FuckCancer
huellbabineaux911
You feel something. Make the best of it. Good or bad.
I learned my first love died a year or more after she died. I wept. I cried. I sought comfort in friends. I cried with them. (They didn't know her). I had not talked with her for well over a decade.Now I think of the time I had with her differently. She was beautiful. And unstable. Her parents abused her. I protected her. She didn't care for me. I thought about her often but never reached out. I wanted to know something, anything probs.
nevermas
Fuck cancer
CouldntCakeLess
I'm sorry for your loss.
TalkingSnake
Even if it's small, reach out to people from time to time.
frischcode
Don't overthink your feelings. You're allowed to feel sad. Perhaps you hoped to one day rekindle that friendship, and now you never can. Fuck cancer indeed.
softfrogsafe
You are allowed to grieve the way you need, you still care deeply for your friend even if you haven't seen them in a while.
PirateRubberDuck
It is weird how hard the death of someone you haven't seen in so long can hit you. My friend from college died a couple of years ago. I hadn't talked to her at all in 15 years, and it still hit me hard.
monkeyfly
You're allowed to be sad. Make sure you have some support around you. Look after yourself.
PeaceBaby
Grief is grief. It can be different for everyone, but very valid.
adventureswithadhd
I have moved my entire life and during adulthood I’ve lived in 4 different overseas locations and two stateside. I have a lot of friends all of the world that it’s not possible to keep in contact with all of them all of the time except seeing their fb posts to see what’s up with them. Even though I don’t talk to them regularly over the last 25 years of marriage, it still wrecks me when someone I had a connection with at one point in my life is gone. DO NOT BE ASHAMED and allow yourself grief
Tapthisbong
r/griefsupport
ltoka00
In 2018 I was a couple of thousand miles away from home visiting my uncle and got a home call from my friend “G.” I cut the call short as I wanted to hang with my uncle but said I’d get in touch with her when I got back. Mind you, I met her at my former job and hadn’t seen her in almost a year. I was home for about a week when I heard she was in the hospital then boom! This 37 yr old woman died! It was shocking and unexpected as it was a complication from surgery. I still feel unbelievably sad.
Somethingstolen
You don't need to grieve alone, loss in any amount hurts, especially one so definite as a friends/loved ones passing. Just because you hadn't kept in touch for a while doesn't discredit all of the joy and love and memories you shared together, and you clearly still regard them fondly. I would encourage you to not allow embarrassment or shame of untracked time prevent you from properly grieving and honoring the memory of them. Much love and peace to you in your time of mourning though, friend.
Gwenx
I went to a funeral of a guy i didnt really know, he was a friend of my best friends, and he had gone to the same school as us but one year after me, i didnt attend that year, but i still "knew" of him and met him a few times.
He was 25, he committed suicide..
I HULKED at the ceremony, i BAWLED my eyes out abseloutly SOBBING and i barely knew the guy!
I felt so, wierd about it, and it still makes me tear up when i think about him.
Its okay, sometimes it hits hard, its okay also after 10 years
MagmaCarta
Don't be embarrassed. Despite the proclaimed "stages" of grieving, there is no direct path or process. Mourn her loss, mourn your loss of her, but you can't get stuck on the time that could have been. "What if?" will not make things better.
It's not easy. It's not quick. But take the time you wished you spent with her and put it forward into someone else. Use this as an opportunity to change someone else's life. She may have passed but her love hasn't - keep that shit going.
MidnightBaelfire
Exactly. I've learned recently that the 'stages of grief' was actually done about being confronted with your own imminent passing.
There's no right or wrong way to grieve. Be kind to yourself in this time. Allow yourself the ability and time to mourn.
Realitycheck34
This is the kind of positive advice i come here for :)
mkmac13
Denial is part of grief, too. Let yourself feel how you feel, it gets better over time 💜
notsol337
I lost track of a childhood friend, reconnected in college, dated, broke up, and lost track again. She died 10 years after we split up, and it hit me like a truck. Grief doesn't follow time, it follows impact.
Freeasabird2015
You have nothing to be embarrassed about, losing someone we love hurts like hell. Crying helps, take a day at the time but don't feel bad about how you are feeling it's completely natural.
Joecoin2
Yes it is sad. But 10years isn't that long.
GrandChampion
Find time to grieve. I guarantee you can talk to anyone on the side of the street who will listen.
It’s going to hurt.
Let it hurt.
You can’t heal without out hurt.
Safflower777
R there others u c reach out to?? The only way thru grief is thru it.....
WhichOneIsPink25
One of your core memories just got kicked in the ass. It's ok. Grieve.
ASquirrelNamedLloyd
Fuck cancer. Everyone grieves in their own way. If I were in your situation (and I have plenty of friends I’ve lost touch with) I’d feel the same. It was still somebody you knew, a person who meant something to you, and the human in you can feel that loss however deeply you wish. Please consider accepting professional help if it is offered.
GreenMnM
Sometimes just knowing a person is out there, breathing, sleeping, working, and being their silly ass selves is enough to keep your world together. Even if you don't know how much until it's no longer there
ArcaneM37
My favorite uncle recently died. I cut off my parents 5 years ago and haven't talked to any extended family since. I was surprised by how much it hurt and for how long. I guess love remains even if contact fades.
RNHurt
There is no wrong way to grieve.
DWolf
Condolences and allow yourself to mourn. Bottling it up will make matters worse. Go to the funeral and reconnect with others so you don't say the same about them. Reach out to other old friends. But let yourself mourn. It's natural and shouldn't be embarrassing.
loma45
There's no statute of limitation on love, and I always like the expression that "grief is just love with nowhere to land". I'm sorry for your loss my friend. Honour it in whatever way feels most authentic to you.
GrandPubabofMoldistan
Its okay if you feel the way you do. I learned that a friend I hadnt seen for 15 years passed and I needed some help to get through that time too. You are allowed to feel how you feel. Please take care of yourself and seek help if needed. We are only human
huffnpuff72
You can grieve. If it feels like a lot, it could be other stress relief combining with your grief.