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Boot Failure troubleshooting flowchart
Friendly Versions: https://imgur.com/gallery/bFt0X
Printer Friendly Version (pure 2 colors bitmap): http://i.imgur.com/0UNFBX8.png
Mobile Friendly Version (scaled down): http://i.imgur.com/qOdccGA.png
favorite and forget for a bad day
this image is like 12 000 x 12 000, right click and view image/open image in new tab to actually read it and save it(it saved my ass once, it may save yours)
Mobile user, it's a 5MB image it will take time to load, let it load and save it to your device to actually read it
Obligatory Front Page Edit: Send boobs (No, actually, send me your offset guitars pics and weird pedals)
Mailvirgo
Das Boot.
KtotheUZGandaUn
Just throw the computer out the window. "B-but it won't work anymore" But bitch is it troubleshooting now?
MahmudAdam
Flowcharts form like Voltron.
wheregoodideasgotodie
A god amongst men, thank you
kubi
At first I thought it was one giant flowchart, not several.
Nurmikko
Flow charts are the most unprofessional way to be professional, love'm
twofishtails
I give up on flow charts by the fourth step and just start doing random stuff.
odamanda
xkcd
KapThat
My mom's computer started having this problem yesterday. The stars align and I may actually seem smart. Bout to be the tech savvy kid!
AReptileDisfunction
2013...
ATimeTravellingRobotFromTheFuture
Just pixels on mobile. :(
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ATimeTravellingRobotFromTheFuture
Sadly, also pixels. I hear this was a bug that was supposed to be fixed in an update though, so it's not your fault. I still favorgetted it.
imwithcayde6andproud
Got some more of them pixles?
LokiKingOfJotunheim
As an IT guy, have you tried turning it off and on again?
agumonkey
1) unplug your mouse
ericssin
I had a couple PCs at work that would work again by unpluging the power cord pressing ON and pluging the power cord again, so kind of true.
orangatuan
What is this? Flowcharts for ants?
mordaedil
Open it in a new tab
orangatuan
Damn you and your helpful advice, I would of been ignorant if it wasn't for you meddling kids.
DPearly1
I'd just buy a new pair o' boots...
d0nni
can someone invert the colours for me so it doesn't completely MELT my printer? :)
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d0nni
legend
electricfreddy
When a question like 'CD or DVD Drive?' is answered YES or NO I die a little inside.
fuckyouandyourwittyusername
Why? imagine it's preceded by 'do you have a'.
ThatOneGuyThatDidThatThingWithThosePeople
Or even, "Are you trying to boot from a..."
CanadianEngineer
The software engineer in me is loving the flow chart, the human in me is crying.
ent0mbed
Double penetration? Very naughty!
wyrmbear
Loving the flow, crying inside, yep, sounds like double penetration to me. Have a +1.
anamethathasnotalreadybeenchosen
il save this for the inevitable day/days to come.
johnvictor
When the tech asks you for what it is doing exactly, it is so they can skip as many of these possible causes before touching your machine.
kurjenmutka
PATA or SATA? Yes/no
jaakkis
What was the problem? If you have PATA or SATA, then go yes. Otherwise go no.
withoutahead
The problem is that's not how it would normally be read (at least in dev), it would be read if PATA -> A, if SATA -> B.
CatSnakePlissken
You fuckin' slip it on and lace it up how hard is it?
3leggedpup
Hard enough I'd be arrested if I walked anywhere near a school zone ;)
Azated
Does it boot? No, jiggle cables. Does it boot now? No? Fucking fuckity fuckity hard drive mother fucking fuck. Now? Yes? Fixed it. Suck it.
rampitup46
i think sucking it may break it
Azated
Maybe less teeth?
Azated
I think you need to work on your technique.
ObscureMeerkat
wherearemytesticles
FAAATHEEEERRR!!!
bbirbb
Get a not shit phone.
Samoht
But if I can't boot my computer, how the fuck am I suppose to read this?
IHaveALotOfWallpapers
sssssmmmmmaaaaarrrrrtttttppppphhhhhooooonnnnneeeeesssss
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Tattoo it.
NinjaFood
Mobile
MrPoliceOfficer
Print it? Backup pc / mobile?
rugmiem
No good on mobile. Cannot see a thing!
uhhMurdok
When would you ever only have one computer around. Or not bring a laptop with you?
Monstermatt2
put it on ur phone :)
MichaelBay
You save this picture on your phone and you carry it everywhere
EchidnaCandyShop
This is 100% unreadable on mobile lol
TheBlasphemingTomatoGuy
Try to stiletto it then?
ZorasDomainNameSystem
Oh. My. GOD.
ZorasDomainNameSystem
Dad joke of the fucking year
SatansLeftNipple
OUT! ---------->
TheBlasphemingTomatoGuy
*passes boot polish* you might need this
acme64
What?
ZorasDomainNameSystem
As opposed to 'booting' it
acme64
Gmayor61
A real IT person would turn this into a room scale rug and play a human size board game with it
ntauthority
>current year
ntauthority
>not owing a 'jump to conclusions' mat from Office Space
Kaysmira
This sounds super fun for when family calls me for help. Walk in, shake out the rug, ask for random objects to use to track progress.
didaf
NOT add to favourites ! DOWNLOADED in .jpg !!!
vehkiya
Straight to a folder in the cloud so I can access it even if the PC dies
Phocbutter
"have you tried turning it off and on again?"
SweetknuckleJunction
what is this, troubleshooting for ants?
brutaloyster
No, Computers.
ByThePowerOfSCIENCE
Too bad. My ants are acting up and I can't reach that silly Dr. Pym.
funnymunqee
because this is how you get ants...
MnemonicMonkeys
It's not a small picture. It's a really large picture that imgur scaled down to fit on the screen
angryeunuch
TLDR
Jahooo
TL;AR - Too Long; Actually Read
Froth06
Heres a summary
rdrdtheta
bisqwit
Try this version. It's easier. https://xkcd.com/627/
LtCmdrJo
I knew this would crop up somewhere
BoozeHound001
TLDR you fucked if you need this chart
DennisReynoldsIamtheGoldenGod
SirGigglyBits
I'm tempted to turn this into an interactive guide where it asks you these questions one by one to come to a conclusion.
Chronomechanist
Try my version, it's a lot simpler. Have you moved the mouse? No: Move the mouse. Screen came on? No: Go to "Pt. 1, Yes": The power's off.
gablestout
1-move mouse; 2-click right button 5x; 3- click left button 5x while moving mouse; 4-hit spacebar 5x; 5-hit ESC 5x; 6-fuck it, browse mobile
MyFartsAreMethaneFree
Have you tried turning it OFF AND ON again?
OtherErinFromTheOffice
"No, wait, I'm sick of sayin that" -Roy
RelaxImAProfessionalRussian
Tldr: have you tried turning it off and on again?
gjpeery
But... it's boot failure... this is literally an issue with turning it on..
usersubbordercontrol
Try turning it off and then ON for the first time.
TheSaintedPhysicianDoctor
It has to turn off for it to be turned on.
blitherypoop
TS;CR (too small;can't read)
SirGigglyBits
Do you even Imgur bruh?
SirGigglyBits
FYI click in new tab. You can view it at 100% size.
ZombieAstronaut
Dat zoom doe
Witmonger
Is not nearly enough to read it after.
ZombieAstronaut
Ctrl+Scrollwheel is a hell of a thing
Witmonger
Touche.
tehPhreakmang
Oh god help me... this shit's been committed to memory for decades...
mrducker
Yes it has. If you look at the chart, it's actually pretty good. You know, for someone that doesn't actually know these things.
tehPhreakmang
Yea I saved it, gonna give to my kid next time she says "it's broke" lol
OnceYouPopYouCantStop
Is that a boot print? Shit those are words! No, not on mobile, not today son.
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OnceYouPopYouCantStop
Thanks!
fishfishcro
I'd say. My 'puter doesn't allow that much of a resolution either.
bbirbb
Said it before and I'll say it again... y'all motherfuckers need better phones if you can't read/zoom on this.
OnceYouPopYouCantStop
Edge s7 zooms fine...but so much scrolling
W4RNVRCHNGS
It dosnt. Oh whatever
iamJiNXZ
Hold on the image, save it. It actually zooms in nice then :)
DefinitelyNotAShittyGameDev
Love you
rmoran
Heh.. boot print
GregPilcher
Tried on mobile, came out blurred. Ty tho
GregPilcher
Tried agin, worked ty
ahwhoamikidding
You gotta wait for it to load on mobile, takes a while sometimes... But it's worth it
SkyZippr
Soooooo...maybe tomorrow?
OnceYouPopYouCantStop
Maybe. Depends on how much I drink tonight.
OnceYouPopYouCantStop
Side note...I don't own a computer.