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The cousin explainer
Dec 10, 2018 6:49 PM
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MartyDiBergi1
I thought a first cousin's child was a second cousin
DrunkRightNow
So there are two possibilities for first cousin once removed? How do I know what the other person means?
ActuallyMyNamesMarina
I find myself fortunate to have never been in a family big enough to have to worryy about this lmao
themuttonisniceandlean
I don't even try. If they're significantly older I call them aunt/uncle and if they're near my age I assume they're cousins.
Qualtagh
This is dumb. Can we throw out this naming convention and try again?
Kahleesi
Agreed
limerind
second cousin once removed, for example, can refer to relatives from sometimes very different branches of the tree
usernamecloud
Being Hispanic, I call my parents cousins as tío or tía. And my tíos or tias kids are all my cousins.
DavidMiaowie
It's the same in Bengali culture too. If you're on the same generational line then you're treated like siblings/cousins. Makes sense too 1/2
DavidMiaowie
Like, why would I want to treat my parents' cousin like they're my cousin when they grew up with my parents and not me. Auntie/Uncle 4sho
Senninha
Cool. So I definitely lost my virginity to my third cousin.
JinxRocks
Since we are all at least 50th cousins, or 30th cousins 10 times removed.... Hmm..
JugOfVoodoo
Please ignore my earlier post where I say this is wrong. I'm a misinformed ding-dong. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin
POTUSBrown
I understand how this works but I still call my cousins children, my second cousins. Oh well! I'm a ding dong.
NZSheeps
+1 for admitting fault on the internet. Also
PekoeBOO
..........I thought this was wrong as well.
KezzySarus
I swear it's different than ones I've seen before, but I'm too lazy to look them up
SrtaTacoMal
I laud you for your admission.
ShaunDreclin
Kind of a stupid system when the same name is used for vastly different branches of the tree
syntheno
I didn't know how this shit worked before I saw this image, and now I understand it even less
nero4ty2
I've always wanted a useful chart explaining this
SrtaTacoMal
Wikipedia has one, but IIRC as of 5 years ago, it wasn’t this easy to follow.
wolfspirit21
As a mexican, its either tios, tias/uncles, aunts or sobrinos, sobrinas/nephews, nieces
LUCKELEO
In Sweden we don't say Grandpa or grandma we say Fathermother or Fatherfather or Motherfather or Mothermother. For us it makes shit easier.
LUCKELEO
Oh yeah almost forgot we also say fatherbrother or motherbrother. May sound weird but in Swedish we are so used to it so its normal.Fun fact
teamansik6
What is this, a dating app?
Kmusic20
I count 12 cousins....so it's true, cousins do in fact make dozens.
agentouk
In the Deep South, this is the equivalent of Tinder
ihavenonam01
Fuck you
godofhorizons
"You're more like my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, aunt
freeelf
This did not help. Why does "first cousin once removed refer to both my first cousin's child as well as my second cousin's parent?
Ratnavati
Because the naming convention is the order of relation, then the generation removed. First cousin to your parent, once removed to you 1/2
Ratnavati
Or first cousin to you, once removed to their child
beekgur
Why is your uncle's great-grandchild AND your great-grand-uncle's child are both your "first cousin twice removed", yet 4 generations apart?
LarryFine
All of these relationships are relative to one's self, not to each other.
Hutchy01
Someone should try fit the family of Charles II of Spain on one of these.
TheRealGeorgeMcfly
it'd be a circle
GhostHessian
I still dont get it. One column goes from first cousin once removed to second cousin. And another goes from first cousin once removed to 1/
GhostHessian
first cousin twice removed..why?!?
391mcKittenMonster
Okay cool but why the hell did you bend the top corner of the page you savage
MeezerStandardTime
I think that it is actually a napkin.
allibaster12
To save it for later.
crazydiamondmlp
It's a tea towel. You can buy them online somewhere.
LKPerrin
My grandma and her sister married brothers, so my Grandfather is my Grandma's husband AND brother-in-law. My cousins are (?)double-cousins??
LKPerrin
My Mum also found another Double-Second-Cousin at work recently, they've been working together for 4 years not knowing they're related!
MegaMetal
So my Cousin's child is my first cousin once removed?
SrtaTacoMal
Yes. Many people’ll call them 2nd cousin by mistake. I’ve heard stories from peers who had patients who won’t accept it’s not a 2nd cousin.
Ratnavati
If it's your first cousins child, yes. The "once removed" refers to how many generations apart you are.
MegaMetal
Thanks! Going up to parent grandparent I couldn't make sense of it as both families came from war torn areas and those folks are long gone
FadeIntoBolivia
exceptions: West Virginia, Kentucky, Alabama chart = straight line
grundig79
Arkansas
opism2
is this the same as assuming that mexico is full of rapist and criminals?
dryrunner
Depends on whether you understand humor or not.
AsheLake
Nah. Making fun of a few poor white Americans is different from fearmongering about a whole country of brown people.
AsheLake
To clarify: There are significant differences in the Targets, the Accusations, the Accusers, and the Intent.
FadeIntoBolivia
You got it. Don't forget Asians that can't drive.
heushveusgwu
Yes, it is. Either both or okay, or both are wrong, and no one can make up their minds about it
ClaudeWicked
Not really from a utilitarian perspective? One inspires racial hate and fear, the other is demeaning.
heushveusgwu
Take the racial part out of it, and they're both demeaning, and both inspire hate and fear.
ClaudeWicked
Does it though? Not really. The inherent nature to incest jokes is a claim of deviancy -- with the knowledge of inbreeding causing-
lawideas
samsonsimson
Making the important additions.
JayEnfield
AsheLake
Some of these categories overlap a bit too.
Ralvuimego
So what you're saying is that you can't go fuck yourself.
DutchKincaid
Einstein’s reaction after he married his first cousin:
itsForcedPerspective
I think I'd make the cousins twice removed at least yellow.
YesmynameisGreg
Hey, cousin, I fucked your grandkid. That ok? Cool? Cool.
AwkwardKeming
Fun fact from an estate attorney: this is called the Table of Consanguinity.
invalidated
I read that as Constantinople. Not Istanbul, I read it as Constantinople.
usigebeathaelixirooflife
Table of Ms. Congeniality
Batham1
kinda sounds like lazy vampires sitting around a dinner table that has a lazy Susan on top of it.
findacureforstupidplease
Intestate succession requires a probate. Get an estate plan people. Otherwise we bottom feeders get a large taste of the goods.
AwkwardKeming
For non-lawyers: dying without a Last Will requires court, and us lawyers get $. Wills actually require court, and are ignored if wrong.
notime4sleep10
5 times trying to say it, and I still sound like I'm having a stronk.
Iwontbeback
BAMES NOND IS HAVING A STRONK
ImHereSoIWontGetFined
I'll call the bondulance
MediocreExtremist
+1 for stronk
shyriath
Call a Bondulance.
HassanAlSabbah
kahn-san-gwin-i-tee
OneGuyWithSixGuns
KAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!
OverthoughtUnderedited
We were 50 miles outside Consanguinity when the drugs began to take hold
AwkwardKeming
Start with "sanguine" meaning blood. Then, yeah, just stroke out a little from there.
Zreen
Table of "shared blood"? Yeah that works
Enquidou
"Table of shared blood" sounds like either a Catholic communion register or a socialist vampiric menu.
russrob84
Great comment bro
ClaudeWicked
Let's play... Catholics, or vampires!
Zreen
"Old man pretends to be high schooler to impregnate a bitch" Catholic or Vampire?
RigorMortisBaby
Neither, that's Twilight and everybody knows that doesn't count.
WitchUndertones
What about sangria
AwkwardKeming
I don't practice Santeria.
thehighestfever
I ain't got no crystal ball
sturmhauke
I had a million dollars
AwkwardKeming
But I ... I spent it all.
AGrammeIsBetterThanADamn
Literally "blood cocktail", so sure
doctorsnorky
As someone who is consanguinally challenged, this doesn't help much. what about my wife's relatives?
AwkwardKeming
It gets a little tricky with marriage, e.g. spouse's sister is the same word as sibling's wife: sister-in-law. Otherwise yeah, add "in-law".
hereforrecipesandcats
+in law
Jonibus
Add "in-law" after it
FloppyFingers
So .... which one can I sleep with?
Dodain
ONLY your great great grandparents!
Dodain
The rest are forbidden;)
NZSheeps
Not according to some ... videos .... I've seen!
Epleskrott
Everyone, as long as you live in the south
Lavos5181
four out from you. I know because of medieval history it was often used as a reason to get divorced.
Lavos5181
that is if you dont want any genetic defects.
SlickerThanNick
Any of them with 4 lines of text
DarkArrow096
As long as your in Alabama you can sleep with your mom
OriginalNameDoNotSteal
Keep the blood of the dragon pure
DooksandPooks
Second cousin is where the chances of inbreeding begin to fall away significantly. But best not to sleep with any cousins.
Burdman1516
Andonemorething
I mean, all of them technically.
Plaird
not everyone's flexible enough to sleep with themselves
SitDownAndStudy
Thanks, Queen Jocasta.
suomynonA
MisterRaunchyMudslide
Ironblitz
Especially yourself.
SitDownAndStudy
JustBoone
It's a checklist lol.
youtah
so is the box with "YOU" inside it, kind of like the Free Space in Bingo?
57Chlover
No. You are fucked by life first.
AlexanderGibson
Andonemorething
Don’t you gif me in that tone of voice!
sturmhauke
It's Baby Princess Bean!
Retromorphic
Love me some sister/brother
PoopholeAintALoophole
I'm an older fella... Old enough so that my teenage porn XP was Hustler and those cheap 3pack porn rag deals at the convenience store... 1/2
PoopholeAintALoophole
Is incest porn REALLY what it takes to get you freaks off now? I mean God damn...
Retromorphic
Incest no. no, much much worse.
Erumun
i mean it's kinda god's fault when there was only Adam and eve. whom were their children gonna fuck?!
secretoaster
Technically, even if they're dead.
Chirikain
Eleshar24
You are technically correct, which is the best kind of correct.
rasengHero
In this case...no
ramshead91
Genetically two degrees of separation more is better though
alexh0691
https://giphy.com/gifs/IUZtGhVO8hZ6w
BuorGi
Welcome to Finland, first cousin is just fine here, legally....
KillingTlme
The further right, up or down 1 from there as well.
JayEnfield
Got you covered, fam:
gnochi
*Got your fam “covered”
AxlHeck
TheFamilyFroot
Personally I think I would count the great niece/nephew as incest... Just sayin
JayEnfield
"Incest" happens at 25% relation. Grand niece/nephew is 12.5%
PoorSucker
Fox311
What state are you in?
SrtaTacoMal
Genetics here. 3° or less is usually our red flag (follow a line, every box is +1°. E.g. aunt is 2°, first cousin 3°). 4°+, it depends.
jdh2b
In Alabama, you don’t even have to move over to the cousins column.
pyrrhusepirus
I'm tired of all the incestuous jokes my parents barely knew they where brother and sister
neil137
"yeeeeee-haw!"
ThunderfuryBlessedBladeoftheWindseeker
Roll Tide
moeojelly
you'd probably already be your own Grandpa anyways
ArtOzz
*should even you both wanted to in order to avoid the whole 3 thumbs situation.
zanzeh
I think second cousin is ok
Pseudobatrachotoxin
"Can" means "to be able to." "May" asks permission.
Gianttesticlemonster
Your unrelated great aunt's niece/nephew
ihavenoideahowthisworks
You mean which one can I have babies with without worrying about it coming out 'special'
livinglife9009
I think genetic wise, it’s anyone after the sixteenth cousin generation.
Sheari
As someone who is technically their own 17th cousin, are you saying I can safely sleep with myself genetics-wise? :D
StepRightUp
Come on, like you never have?
Sheari
Shhh ;D
hihohe
twerksforfish
if you are both over 60 and get fixed you can legally marry your first cousin in the USA
gasfiltered
You can legally marry your first cousin at any time/condition in most of the US and Europe. It carries a very low genetic risk
Cheomesh
Socially, none. Biologically, I recall hearing 3rd cousins have advantage over random other people.
onlyspeaksSarcasm
Depends on which side of the mason dixon line you’re on.
JeAlterEgo
Asking the important questions
AJerkyMcJerkface
Just yourself. But no mirrors
InfinityDragon
Yourself.
kalamander85
No.
Iamhereforyourviewingpleasure
Which state you in?
NickRichards1951
Northern Appalachia or Southern Appalachia?
Appel99
Most States are ok with first marrying cousin; If that is what you’re ultimately asking.
StepRightUp
Like Ted Cruz!! Married to his first cousin.
AwkwardKeming
The right-most two columns.
[deleted]
[deleted]
InsolventTacos
Of course there's a Wikipedia article. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cousin_marriage_law_in_the_United_States_by_state
DooksandPooks
There is no law against marrying second cousins in America.
manslut
It's more like, second cousin, first cousin in some places - as far as America
ClosetLink
I'm pretty sure first cousin marriages are legal in most of the word, including most of Europe.
TheIrrelevantZerooo
Genetics wise, anything from second cousin and father is fine.
LurkerOfDarkness
Most places it's first cousin, and genetically it's alright too as long as it's not done too much, like wait a century or two between each.
2graves
Gross
mattihase
So I'm gonna need a lot of Viagra then?
TheIrrelevantZerooo
In Germany you are allowed to marry your 1st cousin. And I just learned, even uncle/niece is permitted.
Hutchy01
And that's why Charles Von Habsburg ended up so fucked up.
mudkipfucker2
imagine telling your sibling that your shagging their kid
lifny
JayEnfield
2graves
I suppose
BartanicGarden
Hey, I can fuck myself as much as I want, and I will not be shamed because of it.
JayEnfield
mglaive
Legally as long they're of age and there is consent, any of them.
Vyrro
So are you trying to plow your sister?
malakim
Well, i'd draw the line at siblings and your own offspring. Your parents or nieces/nephews is probably frowned upon as well.
Somanyquestions
But your grandparents is ok, good to know!
IWasDoingFineFarting
"Hey Gran... Sup?"
neil137
got-da*m
malakim
As are your grandchildren, obviously. I mean who wouldn't tap that...
EvanJones10
Canada it is illegal to sleep with someone who is a sibling, parent or grandparent. Cousins are fair game but it is immoral.
neil137
genetically ugly, but why immoral?
EvanJones10
Some sort of stigma I don’t know. I guess people don’t want cross eyed kids, but how else are we going to get mutants?
659992812
Cause all my cousins are also just ugly