WeatherWiz
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Very unlikely will I be buying a boat. But just like the cat, I too am pondering things in my life. In fact, I’ve sorta hit a point where things have gotten stale and repetitive. I’m already 30 and, while that still sounds young to people in their 40s and 50s, I feel as though I still have a lot I haven’t done and age is never getting younger.
I’ve also been trying to come to terms with my own self. Not just identity and body but a sense of purpose. I’ve got issues and habits I’m not happy with. Health related things that could be better. And being single, should be a blessing and cherished, but I’ve viewed it as a negative to life and it’s been a goal to work toward having a relationship. I think it’s a sign of me thinking that I’m unworthy. Which I know is dumb. I’m loved by friends and family, but it’s that intimate love and compassion that I yearn for.
I’m just at a point where I don’t know what to do next. Speaking into the ether here, so don’t mind my rantings. If anyone has gone through something like this, let me know what you’ve done to combat this feeling. Because I’d love to hear your advice
Whirlednews
Midlife crisis at 30, not too bad, I mean how old do you really want to live to be anyway.
oneduringwanderer
As a fellow 30s singleton, I share in your sentiments. I've got wonderful friends & family, a good (if soulless) job, traveled 3 continents, & have plenty of things to be thankful for...but when I wake up, I have only myself. There is a degree of freedom in that, but also a sense of longing for 'intimate love & compassion'. Small consolation, but you're not alone in that. You're reconciling what you hoped life might've been with what it actually is. And that's hard. Mourning the potentials of...
oneduringwanderer
the past is OK as long as you don't sacrifice the opportunities of the present. As for what to do next, you're already doing it. The fact that you're this self-reflective is a green flag in my book.
Just a reminder–you are worthy of love, you don't always see the ripples of good the smallest of your actions can cause, & I admire the optimism you displayed here:
WeatherWiz
Thank you friend!! I’ve been meditating more the past week than ever before and trying to just be mindful and present with myself. I know I’m worthy to my friends and family, but I think still deep down I think I’m not worthy of someone else’s romantic/intimate love. Which is probably because I need to be more self loving. So that is 1000% true. I’ve never been comfortable being single, and I should be.
whyforetho
This reads like I wrote it. I don't really have advice, just commiserations.
That "a lot I haven't done" feeling doesn't get to me, though. As a kid I had "potential" thrown at me so much that I caved and gave up. Sure, maybe I could be a rock star, president, or astronaut. But when you pick one, you kinda shut the door on all the others. So if you can't ever meet 99% of it, is it really worth worrying about? Even the janitors at NASA helped put men on the moon.
whyforetho
So I guess if I'm getting advice-y, I'd say you don't have to be the astronaut. Think about what you want, like putting men on the moon, and then find a role - any role - to help make it happen.
I'm also constantly feeling that "I know I'm not unworthy" feeling. I'm fortunate to come from a loving family, & the few friends I do have express appreciation for me. I feel guilty that they're not enough.
Common dating advice seems to be: apps suck, engage in hobbies, meet people, and it'll happen
whyforetho
As for habits, I read James Clear's Atomic Habits and found it not just helpful but fairly interesting. It's got a lot of flaws, but it's got useful ideas the core ideas behind the structure of habits are solid enough.
WeatherWiz
I appreciate your comments friend. They were very helpful!