The Great Skyrim Cheese Mod

I keep Skyrim fresh by installing various mods on each replay. No gameplay or graphics improvements, only ones that add content and quests.

And then I wandered upon the Great Skyrim Cheese Mod. The description said it added various cheeses to the game and a unique quest with a fully voiced Sheogorath.

Upon loading, over 200 different types of cheeses are added to the game.

Some are easily spotted in dungeons, on tables, or bought at vendor stalls.

Others are harder to find, blending in to their surroundings or uniquely placed in the deepest dungeons.

There are even regional variants found randomly in loot sources in each hold.

Each cheese is uniquely textured and has various healing/stat boosting effects.

Some of the rarer cheeses have unique effects, like summons and insta-death.

All together, it seems underwhelming, until you get the quest from Sheogorath.

You activate the quest by “accidentally” eating his cheese in the Pelagius Wing of the Blue Palace, after his vanilla deadric quest.

The voice acting is superb. The dialog is amazing. It feels canon and totally in line with Sheogorath’s unhinged mental state.

He quests you with … collecting one of every cheese scattered around Skyrim.

He comments that this quest is completely optional and nothing bad will happen if you ignore it.

But he knows. He knows that you are a completionist. He knows that you need to see all those check marks in your quest log.

So he offers you a deadric weapon as incentive and sends you on your way.

It doesn’t seem that hard. Wander around. Check. Look around for loot. Check. Dungeon delve. Check. Buy and horde items. Check, check, check.

Stuff you were doing anyway, right?

Except, there are over 200 different cheeses, scattered everywhere, with no map or directions.

At first, it was easy. Just go to dungeons and shops. That got me around 100 cheeses.

Then I started browsing castles, jails, and temples with a more critical eye. That got me 50 more.

Then the dirty work started.

I started systematically sneaking into people’s homes while they slept.

Scouring shelves and tables, door to door, tiptoeing past ignorant villagers.

I was caught many times.

They were hiding the cheese from me in plain sight. So tantalizing.

Soon, my storage became full of glorious cheeses.

Who has time for questing? I need to find all those cheeses.

I was not proud of how obsessed I became with this quest.

I ignored valuable loot and became angry when a dungeon didn’t have cheeses.

Again, I was ashamed. All I wanted was to get all the different types, like Pokemon.

5 left. It slowly dawned on me. Sheogorath was laughing at me.

He had designed this quest to drive me insane.

There was no punishment for giving up, just my own obsession.

1 left. Never give up, never surrender.

I scoured the world, dungeons, cities, quests, DLC for the illusive cheeses.

I could not let him win.

I wonder what the villagers thought of me.
“There goes that crazy cheese lady again.”
“Quiet! She kills dragons for fun! You don’t want to be on her radar.”

I became someone completely different when I spotted a new cheese.

Hand it over slowly and no one gets hurt.

No amount of time will ease the guilt from the crimes I committed.

Finally! Finally! The final cheese was found! It’s all done!

So I go strutting off to Sheogorath with my bounty. So proud. So naive.

He hands over my “reward.” A fork. A cheese fork. With a unique little enchantment. 5% chance to turn a target into a random cheese on kill.

So, I have to test it. Obviously.

Dragons, mudcrabs, deadra, bandits, wolves. All fall before the mighty cheese fork.

I am certain at this point I have a manic grin on my face. My eye twitches slightly. A childish giggle escapes my lips. The dogs slip quietly out of the room.

My bounty. It sustains me, it provides for me, I sleep upon it. Normal stuff right.

Boethia, Malog Bal, Hircine. They may try to claim my soul upon death. But we all know I will live in the Shivering Isles.

I looked at my collection, all done, so pretty. Now what? I’d done everything in my feverish pursuit of cheese. There was nothing left.

The Prince of Madness strikes again.

*Most Viral Edit*
As if the heavens have heard of my epic struggle, I saw the YouTuber, dougdoug, playing Skyrim today with a cheese spawner mod that causes all NPCs (including chickens and horses) to spawn a cheese wheel every second. He topped out at 60k-70k cheese wheels before be got crashing issues. It is as entertaining and chaotic as it sounds.