I Am A Fool

Apr 30, 2025 11:40 AM

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17749

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404

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I'm kind of getting sick of lambda functions. It's starting to feel like the "look at how witty my code is!" bs from back in the day. Half the time it looks like folks are shoe horning them in just to brag about using one.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

I did a code once. I fully respect folks that can stick to a coding standard and still finish projects without becoming a criminal.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Hey, what's wrong with write-only code?

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Fun fact: that regex matches both "Hey, what's wrong with write-only code" and "Hey, what's wrong with write-only cod".

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I had to diagnose and fix a regex on a call today, in real time in front of other developers. Fortunately it was a very simple one. Most of the time I've had to do it, it's taken many, many hours of fiddling about in testers.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Fixing a regex is easy. Step 1: delete it and rewrite it from scratch…

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I manage to write code neither me, or my computer, understand.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Mel Kaye would disagree, and he was the Realest Programmer ever.

http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/story-of-mel.html

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

77 MY-COMMENT PIC X(80) VALUE "GRACE HOPPER WAS RIGHT".

3 months ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

RPG II entering the chat. Tried to dechipher a small program about 100 lines of code. I still have nightmares about it.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

My poems are for computers

3 months ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

OK, you know what? This is beautiful and I want to hate it but I can't.

3 months ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

The early days of the Internet were rife with contests to write the most obfuscated Perl possible. https://perl.plover.com/obfuscated/ it was glorious.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

...and great programmers write code that computers and humans understand _to mean the same thing_.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I wrote code that I myself didn't understand, and that's why it didn't work either, and that's why I dropped out of my c# course.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

Past me is an idiot programmer and future me doesn't understand my genius.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Higher level functions can go to hell. Why I gotta google your gibberish? Just use standard operators like everyone else. It all runs the same in the end. Tertiary operators are fine, I’m talking about your fancy linq one liners.
Human readable code is how you work in a group. Being able to scan with eyeballs and catch up with your end goal is how we collaborate, don’t be the guy refactoring all the existing stuff into higher level anonymous functions.

3 months ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 0

Eh LINQ is just another tool and is readble when you get used to the syntax. If you can read SQL, you can read LINQ. This has "old man yells at cloud" vibes to me.

If the LINQ statement gets too overly complicated, maybe it needs to be encpsulated in a method so the method name makes it very clear what the intention is, or if nothing else, then the varaibles used within the statement (and the one that the result gets assigned to) should be descriptive enough for another programmer to follow.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 2

It’s not that linq is not readable. It’s that someone replaces 15 lines of very readable code with some multi Boolean linq one liner that’s impossible to quickly run through in your head. The compiler converts that linq mess into simple jump if not equal anyway so it’s just not good teamwork to try to be fancy pants in the codebase.
I almost think these kids are feeding 15 lines into ChatGPT and asking it to make it a one liner

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I know when I was first learning LINQ, I would write the code using my normal set of nested foreach loops and then let VS transform it into LINQ. It could be they are just doing that as well.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Agreed. I've written some pretty slick one liners and after swimming in dopamine, taken them apart to make them readable.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I like it when regular expressions have . also match newlines. /s

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Perl enters the chat

3 months ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

Perl uses, like, a lot of regexes. They're an important part of the language. They're besties.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I programmed in Perl for a year. After 2 weeks I couldn't understand my code, even fully documented. Decided to give up after a year.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I have been programming in Perl for almost 25 years, it’s a beautiful language. Unfortunately it was the php of its day; lots of idiots who didn’t know crap wrote incomprehensible garbage in it. Good luck maintaining garbage.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yeah, well, I'm one such idiot and I disagree with the "there's more than one way to do it" moto of Perl. It means several programmers writing the same code will do it in completely different ways, and they won't understand each other. I'll stick to C where there's only one way to do it.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Perl isn't so bad. Now, Lisp on the other hand...

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

So many fucking brackets.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

always write your code as if the guy who has to maintain it is a psycho, who knows where you live.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I always write my code as if an idiot who has no idea what the code does will have to maintain it a few months later. That is often the case, too. The idiot is myself.

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

welcome to the club. i have written z80 and 68000 assambler code in the 90 and you cannot believe how much days or even weeks i have wasted to find bugs, because i had to understand my own code.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I don't even understand the regex I write. I love regex for what it can do but damn... coming back a year later and seeing an 80 character regex string I wrote fills me with a certain unique dread.

3 months ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 0

Pff, while writing any complex regex, I have no clue if it catches too much input, just that it catches one positive and negative test case

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I love regex. It’s so much fun.

No I’m not kidding.

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

The puzzle is fun

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Sometimes when one has a problem one decides to use regex to solve it. Now one has two problems.

3 months ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

yea and some languages are slightly different with it. The regex websites that break it all down are very helpful

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I have never written regex without using regex101.com

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Most regex implementations support comments. If it's not clear break it out to multiple lines and add comments. Though, if it's long enough it isn't clear at a glance then you should reconsider the problem and write some extra code and/or break down the data differently instead of a complicated regex. Also including pattern examples of what does/doesn't match makes it easy to understand the intention of the regex, but again if you need that you should consider alternatives and why not those.

3 months ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Good point, I'll try comments and line breaks!

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

As an added feature, pcre comments look like groups and confuse juniors no end.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Great programmers write code who programmers can understand who read it years later, alone and who then can deduce from the little they read how the rest will be setup. And then there is Chat GPT.. it writes okay looking code, and has no idea what its doing, just likelihoods. Its a potemkin village that compiles..

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 1

I asked chatgpt to write me a simple python script to sift through files on q drive. Nothing fancy. It did. And the thing was slow. I tweaked the code best i could. But got sick of the slowness. Loaded the python back to chatgpt and asked if there was any way to optimize it. It said "sure! First, this os.walk func is slow. You should try using scandir. Wanna try it?" Mfer, you wrote this code! The scandir rewrite ran in seconds vs hours. Ugh

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 1

Brilliant programmers create programs that enable computers to comprehend people.

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I spent my 35 years as a programmer trying to convince my colleagues to write maintainable code - you can't get promoted out of a position if you have made yourself irreplaceable.

3 months ago | Likes 123 Dislikes 1

I've recently been taking the approach that if they don't make their code maintainable, then the code gets replaced. It's not like they're writing new code as their jobs are a cottage industry of maintenance.

3 months ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Bet?

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Too many cos today are still running very old programs. They put off replacements for years due to cost$...which wb SKY HIGH NOW!!!! Million$ & Million$!! And cause major far-reaching upheaval. It's not a good situation..... It's right up there w failed grids & massive power outages but will take years, not days, for recovery.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

35 years? How are you avoiding the burnout? I've spent a decade less than you and I feel like retiring, especially with the whole GenAI craze these days. As a user, I've been bummed out by general enshittification of software, but as a programmer I know it's going to be a million times worse when the majority of code is written and maintained by LLMs. And that's not an "if", it's a "when", because every fucking CTO out there is drooling at the prospect of not having to pay programmers.

3 months ago | Likes 19 Dislikes 0

I burnt out. The last bit of code I wrote was written in 4 months - budgeted for 2 years. 18-hour days when your in your 50s are not advisable. The code was fucking incredible - the use of Meta Data etc. Having trained the DBA myself, 20 years earlier, gave me an advantage.

3 months ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Sorry to hear that :(

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Why? - It was 10 years ago. I look back on my career with pride...to do all that, raise a well balanced Daughter with Down Syndrome; a Son, currently doing his Masters in Neuroscience, and living in a foreign, humourless country. One hell of a ride. :)

3 months ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

I misunderstood. I didn't realize you meant you burnt out and the recovered later. That's great to hear :)

3 months ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Don't be so sure: people keep trying to make it work, but they have been fucking up ever so worse, it seems.

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

I wish I could be that optimistic, but the core principle behind the constant enshittification is that it doesn't matter if it's worse, as long as you can get away with it. So what I predict will happen is that they'll keep trying until "fucking up ever so worse" becomes "still fucking up but getting away with it". We love to think that the industry has matured and we're making solid decisions. For anyone who still believes that, I recommend reading "The Leprechauns of Software Engineering".

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

What I meant, in turn, is that they have caused catastrophic damage, so at the moment they are not quite getting away with it. A few instances have even made headlines.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

You can't get fired either.

3 months ago | Likes 55 Dislikes 0

You most certainly can!

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Business' are extremely irrational from a reasonable human perspective. Never count on them do to the "sane" thing.

3 months ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 0

This seems to me like it's a very common and recurring pattern atleast with consultants. The amount of hyper abstracted overengineered unmaintainable fucking piece of shit code I've seen over the years sometimes makes me want to gouge my eyes out

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Oh you definitely can. They'll limp on using the same solution for as long as possible, then pay 3x as much to get new software made, or to license someone else's.

3 months ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

You think management is gonna care that firing you will destroy the software's ability to work?

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

"Hold my beer"

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Tell that to DOGE 🤣

3 months ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

I've read plenty of stories about a company destroying itself or costing itself a ton of money because of cost cutting the person that maintained their code.

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Have you ever seen Perl?

3 months ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

line noise that (maybe) does something

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Hah, kids stuff APL enters the chat

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

What about Brainfuck?

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Apl is a real language used in production......

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Where do we draw the line? Because Brainfuck is crossing over into "esoteric toy language" territory, like Malbolge.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Agreed, no one has seriously tried using BF in production code.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Perl has the most readable code, very close to plain English and also the option to be the most unreadable, if you want.

3 months ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 0

Also regex is a native part of perl, unlike languages where you have to specify to treat the next part as regex.

3 months ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

This is why I always nag developers to add comments for every regex they write

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

/x

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I agree, but hopefully the reg ex pattern is saved to a well named variable at least.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

regex101.com

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

yes!!!!!!

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I once had to learn FORTRAN to decipher a PhD's old fatigue calculations. That was certainly an experience, deciphering someone else's uncommented code in a new language and getting it to compile.

3 months ago | Likes 40 Dislikes 0

First interview out of college.. "almost forgot, how are you with Fortran?". " You mean like from the 70s? Not great .. " " we'll teach you"

3 months ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 0

fun fact, there's a FORTRAN 90, 95, 2000.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I did use some F90!

3 months ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

When I was doing my MS in math back around the turn of the millennium, my prof made us use f77, even though f90 was out.

3 months ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

It was pretty easy, honestly. Once you understand how to structure code generally, most languages are just syntax (generally, obviously higher order coding can get complicated). And if you can program in Assembly, anything else is cake (or at least won't make you cry as much).

3 months ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Exactly. Knowing HOW to code is important. Learning a new language to code is generally easier

3 months ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

Mostly the trick is to learn all the standard libs (both built in and de facto standard) and learn to avoid specific pit falls/use specific patterns.

3 months ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0