I just want others to be happy, and to leave me the hell out of it.

This can die in usersub for all I care, I just need to vent.

Applied for disability because I can't go outside without having massive panic attacks or seizing up completely. Have been battling with them for two years over it, and over the two years I've had my best friend die, been kicked out of the home I was living in due to my medical issues making my own mom uncomfortable, been forced to move to a new home, moved in with my father and step mother, lost virtually everything I own, sleep in a fucking sleeping bag on the floor, and only just now got on medicaid.

The Administrative Law Judge who reviewed my case read over everything that had been going on for two years, and conflated things that happened in the last month with things that have happened 2 years ago, when I was in a slightly better mental state and not free-rolling down the fucking hill of life. I don't even know if I want to appeal. I'm not suicidal. I'm not wanting to hurt myself or others.

I'm just.. lost. I'm broken. I've done everything I can in my life to try and be a big strong person and it's gotten me nothing but grief and trouble. It got me diagnosed with PTSD and a host of other mental disorders I can't properly clarify, put me on so many pills I could be mistaken for a maraca if you shake me hard enough, and made the only person I thought I could turn to in the world fucking turn their back on me.

I don't want to bother anyone. I don't want to upset or offend or be a burden anymore for anyone around me. I'm tired of watching my dad and step-mom have to take care of their fully grown, adult 'child' because I'm too much of a fuckup to take care of myself. I'm tired of watching them have to sell their own shit, when they have so little, to afford a shitty one bedroom apartment.

I just want everyone to be happy, and leave me the hell out of it. I don't deserve kindness or happiness. I bring grief to everyone around me, so if you read this and see it passing by in usersub.. just.. be kind to someone today. If you're in a position of power, remember the people under you. Everyone is going through some shit, and you don't know how badly you can hurt them with a word or two.. I'm not saying censor yourself or blow smoke up their ass.. but instead of just saying sorry for a fuckup, say thanks for bearing with me or whatever.

That's all. Thanks. Sorry to waste time on your screen.