I’m tired of pretending to sleep. Will I ever be able to sleep again?

I'm not super comfortable right now, due to a frustrating level of hormones and pain; one of which was brought on by the storm outside. ( When it's humid outside it causes problems for my joints and muscles. Suuuuuuuuucks, hardcore.) The other bit is dysphoria and I won't go into that..

Life just keeps on throwing me one-two punches, but hey, at least I have CBD gummies. It's some silver lining in the dark cloud surrounding me.

I apologize for my mood. Just everything is so much and I'm really not in the greatest headspace. I've been dealing with more health issues and limited mobility. So I'm at the point where I want to scream and rage, but I do not even have the energy to..

The gummies are helping my mood and pain, some. I know it's not a cure all - but I wish I could just go back on meds and the only caveat with that is therapy usually follows. I do not trust therapists, long history of that going south for me in many fucked ways. I'd rather vent to the void and do things that way - rather than dish out 100+ bucks for someone to give me vague answers and toss me onto a grippy sock vacation if they don't like how I respond.

( I hate measuring my speech around people. I'm not an ass, but if I'm in a bad mood or upset - I usually just speak from my chest, if I trust them. Which doesn't happen alot..)

Truly, I hope anyone that finds this vent post knows how amazing and wonderful they are. I might be in pain and overwhelmed - but I just don't care to spread negativity. I want everyone to know how loved they are. I may not know you, but you are loved.