drousnavat
39568
1457
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I really need to stop getting my hopes up.
She didn't even get out of the car to talk to me. I was standing outside the sushi place, waiting for a text from her. I was there 15 minutes early, but she was sitting in her car, watching me to make sure I was who she thought I was. I never catfished her or anything. I sent just normal selfies I took of me. She said I looked better in photos and she was not interested in me anymore cause she feels like I was lying to her or shopping my pics or something. I didn't do anything wrong, but apparently I am too fat for her. I am not even that big. I am average size. I am 6'4" and 260lbs.
This made me feel like absolute shit. I honestly had expected more from her, and for that I am a dumbass. I wish there was some way to tell who was going to turn out to be shallow or hateful. I cannot blame her for having personal standards, so I am not mad about her changing her mind. I am just... feeling like shit because I was not good enough again.
I used to be bigger and I have lost a lot of weight working out and dieting over the last year. I thought I was doing well, but I guess not.
TLDR: Apparently I look better in pics that I do irl and that makes me a bad person or something. I don't fucking know.
foodandbooty
6'4" and only 260. You're not fat, I'm 6'2" 300 and at my fittest I was 250 and I was skinny and fit. With 2" and only 10lbs from that no way youre even a step from healthy.
JohnSmithterms
I turned up to a date once and she was a lot more overweight than i expected. She hid this with her online photos in the way they were taken and angles used. I still hung out with her for an hour to see if there might be a spark but I'm not attracted to fat women. So it was a waste of time for us both. Since then though many years later my wife has put on weight after kids and im still super attracted to her. So tastes can change after you fall in love with someone.
fuehrSleepVoter
Ok. Shallow. Appearance is in the eye of the beholder. Old line that I used to despise hearing. Her actions are not those of a nice person. No worries really. Karma is a bitch. However, I understand how this type of encounter feels. I've been there a few times. Soul crushing. I wouldn't care to know a person that pulls stunts like this.
lightfoot2
You're 6'4? Find someone who will climb u like the tree you are (6'8 here :-)
drousnavat
I fucking wish
CraftyGiant
Meet girls through hobbies, online dating is trash. You want a hot goth girl, go to where goths are and make friends with some of them. If you are a decent guy they will push you towards their single friends.
drousnavat
Honestly the hot goth was a bonus. She liked all the same games and crafts as me. We also hate all the politicians
lightfoot2
Well, sorry the Goth was a flake. As I like to say "The odds are good, but the goods are odd". Delete the texts and start over somewhere else.
drousnavat
Trying. Literally took a year to match with someone who was NOT a bot or scam account asking for apple giftcards.
justbeingjessica
The irony is that she thinks she’s too good for you… when her personality is clearly beyond trash. Don’t let it get you down @op!
drousnavat
Doin my best to not let that stuff get to me. I know I can do better than someone like that.
SickSadWhirled
Would you still be interested in an overweight goth girl? Asking for a friend.
drousnavat
Probably, the goth part is bonus but I just want some who I can share hobbies and interests with
falsetruefalse
Her loss. Don’t give up, the right one is out there.
drousnavat
With a username like yours, I am not sure I believe that.
Argusdubbs
As a fat, short, balding dude who's been happily dating/engaged/married for almost 10 years I will reaffirm: don't give up! Remember that most people may not be right for you but you don't need everyone to be, you just need to find 1 person that fits!
VibratingNipples
trust in the nipples
drousnavat
You know some days the user names are really the best part of this website
WeatherWiz
I’m a wizard and I approve of this comment.
WhiteKnighted
I'm sure you're a fantastic wizard, milady.
clearlyselfloving
woof, sorry dude, sounds like she sucks though.
Soufange
Yeah she ain't worth it
MadnerKami
I'm certain he was hoping she would.
clearlyselfloving
lol
TiredSnowball
In general, I recommend people add to the mix pictures of themselves where they don't look flattering, especially full body ones. This filters out really shallow assholes, and the rest are pleasantly surprised when meeting in real life. I'm not saying to look awful on purpose, more try a boring everyday angles/hair, like a "work party" for example.
pleaseconsiderthatImightbejoking
always have one pic in a sweater of +10 pounds
drousnavat
If the selfie rule was not a thing, I would have shared a couple of pics to see if I looked bad or not.
Gwenx
I feel like the selfie rule is mostly there so people dont abuse selfies, many people show off their selfies in weight journeys, cosplays, and other situations, surely you can share in the comments a selfie because of the context :)
TrustMeImADog
Bro, dating websites are absolutely awful for men unless you're an absolute Adonis. The site's self analytics show that 90% of women are messaging 10% of men. Interestingly, that's not true of male users. The complaints of those who use the sites are telling too. Most men can't get a date on these sites. Most women can't get a relationship. Please don't place your self esteem in the hands of "hot girls" who are nonetheless on dating sites!
TheSongofRiver
Why? Our opinions dont matter in that. Are you happy with how you look? If so, you look good. And you will find someone who appreciates you as a whole.
januarylover
Even that seems like a waste of time tbh. Attraction is 100% subjective. & often people become more attractive the longer you get to know them. It's different for everyone. Don't put too much stock into how you look (despite not meeting this particular date's personal criteria).
alwaysthecheesegrater
I think the selfie rule is just for posts (to keep *those* people away from this site). I don't think it applies to comments if people are asking for it...?
adrianontherocks
This is the time of year where you can do that. Or make a hidden post and link it in the comments if you genuinely want. I feel like most people on here are kind, but there will always be assholes, so just think it through before you do anything.
drousnavat
Yeah, making fun of selfies is one of the things for imgur lol. I know better. Might post one for Christmas in a couple of days.
amismenow
Honestly I wanted to see a pic and was gunna tell you what features I liked.
drousnavat
I could DM you one, if you want?
Predacane35
It's Christmas tomorrow in Australia
Leetcheeks
Saved some money you did.
drousnavat
Yeah, the sushi place is like 40$ a person. I still went in and had some by myself tho
bitchgotaname
Hell yeah!
SwankyPotato
Good on ya mate!
OhIfIMust
Her loss, I've seen your cooking!!
drousnavat
Right. I would love to have someone to cook for, but I want that person to actually give a fuck
shining1
Wow. That stinks. You really did dodge a bullet.
drousnavat
At this point, a bullet would probably feel less shitty than dating.
Okaybutseriously
Tell her the My Chemical Romance sucks and then block her.
drousnavat
I would but she blocked me first
charondaboatman
Hey. You’re doing great. Sorry you went through that. Don’t stop looking, and be yourself for yourself.
GBMaker
Um, she did you a favor by showing how unbelievably shallow she is up front. Now you won't be wasting your time, effort, or money on her.
meadowmeal
most people cant really have romances without physical attraction so its pretty reasonable to eject if you feel like its not gonna work on that level
hamburgerhands
This. It's shitty that she was so brutal to OP but she is just being honest to herself. I respect her trusting her gut instinct and not wasting his time
mmmerf1
That, I respect. Telling him he's too fat is unbelievably cruel. If the genders had been reversed he'd be branded the worst of misogynists. Well, misandry is a thing too (although I fully admit not as big an issue in society).
Why is it okay to destroy OP's self esteem, just 'cause he's a guy,?
Kitehammer
People are allowed to be dicks
BlueDsc
Yeah. Not finding a person attractive is a totally fine reason to not want to date them. That been said, the way this person went about it was total shit.
petpet3d
What's the right way? There's no easy option here, although of course it could have been better than this
coolbrood
At the very least, cancel and say something other than 'you're too fat'. If it ain't there, it ain't there, but you can still find a kinder way to communicate.
mmmerf1
Exactly. She clearly doesn't understand people on a fundamental level. Telling someone that they're too fat and wrongly blaming them for lying about themselves is an incredibly awful thing to do. Of course OP feels destroyed, because it turns out he's a human being. OP, you dodged a bullet. She was always gonna rip out your heart and stomp on it. Be glad she did it early.
Kaoss01
If you get along with the person, go to dinner, chat, have fun, but make it clear that you're not into them despite their personality. I've done it many times, nice person, great conversation, no spark... Doesn't mean you can't have a nice night with someone new
januarylover
It depends. Some guys react terribly to this (especially straight guys from what my friends have experienced). Even when you're trying to be clear they can misinterpret/not listen & think their dates are 'just playing hard to get' & then have a temper tantrum later when their expectations aren't returned. Gotta be careful & safe out there. You can't predict how people will react.
poochyena
Its not shallow to have preferences.
Sickemm
It is to act in this way about preferences tho
poochyena
explain
Sickemm
You could do so many things that are a more respectful adult approach about this situation than acting like you're in high school again
NationalistCanadianMooseWarrior
Nah, this is pretty fucken shallow tbh
poochyena
Would you be ok with dating someone who doesn't find you attractive? Most people wouldn't.
OffTheGrid99
Is it shallow to cancel last minute ONLY because of shallow visual preferences in a rude and impersonal way?
Pally01
It is shallow to treat people who don't fit your preferences like shit.
Redbeard54
Exactly.
swearty
sure, have preferences, but you can still go through with a scheduled date making clear things won't go further - this stuff happens all the time when dating, no biggie. don't have to be a dick about it.
Morbidly0btuse
Dodged a bullet with that one. Which doesn't make the experience less shitty. Sorry that you had to go through this, but it truly is her loss.
I don't understand people like this chick who invest in getting to know someone online, see that there is enough of a connection to meet up and then proceed to judge the other person by looks and not even have the balls to tell them in person. Seriously. What's wrong with these people.
GTimgur
Dude you HAVE been doing well. Don't let some random asshole take that away from you. You had a shallow scratch at how someone presented themselves online, so it's not like you really knew the two of you hit it off. That's not the same as real life. And there are often red flags, but they can be hard to spot even when you're face to face. Learn from it what you can, then move on to the next, obviously better, thing!
januarylover
I just wanna point out (gently) that it's weird that we're applauding his goal of getting a 'hot goth girl' but mad at her for wanting someone she felt attracted to (I'm guilty of this too, & I think I should take a little look at that). Rejection sucks, especially rejection for your physical appearance. But I can't help but notice that I, along with a lot of the comments, completely gloss over the fact that her appearance was also very much a factor here.
drousnavat
Take a look at my previous post where I was excited about the date. I talked about how we had so much in common and how much I enjoyed talking to her before I knew what she looked like. I put "hot goth girl" in just cause its a imgur thing to point out.
januarylover
Wasn't trying to drag you. & I get where you're coming from too. Rejecting someone for such a superficial reason, without even giving you a chance SUCKS. But obviously, this was a first date & part of why you were excited was because you found her physically attractive. I'd chalk this up to not being compatible. You haven't even met her but you already know how she rejects people & that she communicates in a way that's hurt your feelings. Not exactly a soul mate for you. Bullet dodged!
MiHaleEsSuHale
That sucks man. Unless you're absolutely jacked though 260 is considered obese at 32% body fat. Don't kid yourself into thinking that is normal sized and a date wouldn't notice.
MoonAmericanFloydHeywoodR
Anyone who would do that is cruel and shallow. You are better than she is. And you haven't lost any real long term prospect. She sounds like a heartless narcissist.
ArandomDane
Not cool how she left, but dude reality check... I am 6'9 and 260lbs with an active lifestyle, I stile have a lot of visible lard to get rid off. So while it is really cool that things are also going in the right direction for you. We are stile a ways away from being in the healthy range of weight. Now let spite motivate you! you are no longer getting fit just to feel good about yourself, but to show her up!
JOKERZwild86
Time to hit the gym bro and show her what she was missing!!
ifounditunderthere
Definitely a jerk move on her part to stall like that, but 6-4 260 also isn't average build
IDriveAMinivan
Oh. Those are two measurements….6’ and 4”. 😉
drousnavat
For where I live? It is pretty average. Southern states in the USA are like that.
cwblackandyellow
Nowhere in Earth is 6’4” 260lbs average. I do feel like OP has a right to be hurt, but that sentence is objectively inaccurate.
ifounditunderthere
I'm 6-4... never heard someone link average build body type to their neighbors...
drousnavat
I am average body shape and size for my area.
cwblackandyellow
Where is the regional average size 7” taller than the global average height and double the global average weight?
ThanatosElNyx
Unless your area is a 1m x 1m, you are probably mistaken.
ElbowDeepInYou
Isn't that what average means? You take a selection, be it gender, age, location, and put it all together and divide by the number of subjects to get the, you know, average?
ifounditunderthere
No. There are published and generally accepted height weight ratios that give you bmi... can adjust a little for how athletic someone might be, but generally this example would be considered high risk over weight, if not officially obese...
GarmBlack
I dunno if I'm happy or sad I'm the opposite. Literally had people say "I wasn't sure with your pic but you look a LOT better in person"
realair
Sorry but 6'4 and 260 lbs is not average size, thats a BMI of 31.6 and firmly puts you as obese
ThingsThatDontJustifyGenocide
BMI is as accurate as QAnon and if you believe in it you should delete your account.
Dannoboyo
Don't worry, it isn't contagious. Now go to the mirror and tell yourself how great you are for not being overweiight.
TurdBurglar3000
BMI is such an idiotic way to measure anything nowadays when everyone and their mom lifts. I actually lost weight during last months due to being sick constantly and not being able to work out. I had a complete dogshit diet and did not exercise at all but my BMI was "better" because I lost muscle mass. Yay!
Margrave9000
Fuck you, fatphobe. Some ppl are bigger & naturally healthy, while sad losers like you feel the need to invalidate others for made-up reasons. Your behavior is unhealthy and toxic AF. This can trigger a plethora of psychological traumas in anyone reading your shit. Your opinion is actually dangerous to society.
Malibloo
Ah yes, the opinion of another random internet stranger is much more dangerous than the overweight your body is trying to deal with. That makes total sense. /s
ThingsThatDontJustifyGenocide
You need to install one(1) hinge there, mate, but I agree with your justified anger at the person spewing "BMI = obese" horseshit on principle, just not the way you worded it.
bigslongnoodle
Iam 6 3 245 and pretty lean, his size doesn’t mean he’s obese at all
Zergspower
BMI charts stop working afdter 6'1 - being 6 7 and im supposed to be 220 and if i was i'd be a starving
dobe0TieDancer
I'm 6'5" and 210 lbs. The biggest challenge is buying pants.
Frelioan
BMI is horribly out of date and does not account for people who have denser bones. I'm 4' 11 and 180lbs I need to lose a few pounds certainly, but BMI says I ought to be 110 and I'd look like a sick barbie with a gaunt face, wide shoulders, wide hips, no boobs and like i had a permanent corset on.
Kazzle
Yeah, everyone's structure is different so BMI just doesn't work as a standard. I'm 5'0" and 94lbs-- I think I look normal, but I've been considered severely underweight my entire life. I've been told I can't even donate blood unless I get myself to 120lbs, but I'd have to put on some serious muscle to make that happen.
LeeeB
You do know that muscles are heavier than fat right? Most athletes are "obese" if you go by the bmi. It's Christmas, maybe @op posts a selfie and we can hit on him in the comments 🤔
[deleted]
[deleted]
LeeeB
You don't know our kinks! 😎
vegivamp
You know how anorexics will think they're too fat while being walking skeletons? People's judgement isn't always accurate.
amismenow
Fuck her dude. Sounds like for the best.
AlwaysInTheshadows
Any normal person with half a heart would still complete the date. Sparks don't need to fly on the first date. That's the whole point of meeting up. I've had plenty of girls tell me there wasn't a connection, and vice versa. For her to pull something like that... You dodged a huge bullet. And no, don't fall for her trying to make herself seem like the victim.
drousnavat
Oh no, she was absolutely aware she was being shitty. She just did not care. Said she was "Not going to settle for less than what she wants"
Imapseudonym
You should do the same as she did. You expected someone who wasn't a superficial bitch. Would you settle for someone who was?
drousnavat
No I would not but I would at least talk to them to see if there was a legitimate reason or if that's really who they are. I'm the kind of dumb ass that will give a person a chance.
BitchCake
Sounds like that would've been a relationship of way too many hard, non-negotiable expectations. I'm sorry about the confidence hit, still.
RunawaySpoons
Wow, that is stone cold. 'dodged a bullet' is in danger of becoming a cliché in these comments, but … you really did! She did you a favour in a really horrible way. It's definitely not a you problem, purely a her problem. You deserve someone so much better!
Valaar
Are you sure there was a goth girl behind that computer ? Could be some dumbass playing with you, no ?
drousnavat
Yeah we video chatted for about 3 hours over the course of a week leading up to this
Valaar
Bummer. Then, as many mentioned, she doesn't seem to be a good person. Whatever she thought, she could have met you, and draw an opinion after that. If you had common interests, it would at worse be a platonic date. Sorry for you, and merry christmas anyway.
Chaetre
Hahaha. Feel bad for her. She's going to have her heart broken by a train of men using dating apps for sex. The ones who want a relationship are already dating, and they aren't dating shallow bitches. When she finally figures it out she'll be diseased, or pregnant, or both. This is just how dating is, Be glad you didn't have to waste your time on her.
bernardthehermit0
Well you got to avoid spending money on an asshole, that’s a small win, surely ?
TJRocketship
Bro keep your head up. Someone like that would derail all the work you’re putting into yourself to be better.
drousnavat
I am doing my best
Autittuderp
When we make other people shitty opinions of us our narrative, it always hurts. Expectation kills so much. You will meet someone that values you.
drousnavat
Like FUCK I will. I am not gonna be trying again. I am so tired of this kind of stuff and the just fucking horrors of dating in America. No one here seems to have loyalty or wants anything more than money, free food, a place to live or sex. It's not like that everywhere in the USA, but the shithole backwater town I live in is nothing but terrible people and meth. I am just not gonna be trying anymore.
DonkeyGoat
Bullet dodged. Sounds like she did this for her own self esteem
lenonova
Yeah, this says a lot about her character and very little about @op
DaveSamsonite
Yeah dude, you dodged a major bullet. No matter how hot she was, I guarantee you that someone out there is sick of her and she was probably also cheating on them.
xXxX66SICKXxXx
Wow… who hurt you?
DaveSamsonite
No one. I know people. That kind of person is a piece of shit.
hyptosis
She doesn't sound like a hot goth to me at all. Just a goth.
airfonzo
Definitely this. Also I've heard dating apps can be brutal.
drousnavat
They really are.
CoinedWatcher
Imagine the worst possible bullet. She could have been catfishing you. Could have been planning to jump you, and didn't realize from the pics you were 6'4" and got scared off
SirKaill
This is my thought as well
HandoB4Javert
Is this how it could have gone?
pickinganameistoomuchpressure
lmfao what a sigma
pickinganameistoomuchpressure
...sigma balls
CoinedWatcher
Not to give bad people tips, but this is negging done correctly. Not balatant lie (like calling her ugly), and her tone immediately changed, and she actually stepped in closer to him. I'd be willing to bet if the video lasted just a little longer, she'd drop her hand from her hip into a less stand-offish stance
drousnavat
Probably. Still hurts tho
chaos021
More importantly, fuck dating apps. They're all largely terrible.
drousnavat
Yeah, seems like most profiles now are fake girls from asia trying to scam money, or phis personal info.
MightyUrto
Only because it punches you where you're already tender.
DonkeyGoat
I know. I'm sorry I can't offer more
helyx
Damn bro, we're the same height and weight & this shit hurt my own goddamn feelings. On the plus side, you made a great first impression. I haven't had any goth ladies interested in me, so you've at least got that going for ya.
logicalawesomeness
I'm sorry to hear that, you are attractive though, and you're working out to be healthier which is great, it's a long road, keep walking it, you'll find your lady at the right time. Focus on refining your body and your spirit in the meantime.
wadatahmydamie
Nothing stops the pain right away. Defy her cruelty by keeping your kindness. Fools like that are garbage people, only existing to make people as miserable as they are
januarylover
Everyone gets rejected in their lives. It hurts. It does. It's natural that it hurts. But remind yourself this is HER not being good enough, nothing to do with you. & you're much closer to meeting actually decent human beings if you don't waste your time with rubbish ones like this date. She showed her true colours early on. Thank goodness.
Haemaelaeinen
Don't worry king, we root for you here! You'll find someone worthy of your love.
Isthe4thtimethecharm
Dating sites are not good for egos.
drousnavat
They are not good for anything it seems.
hiyo365
They're right; she's a twat, for sure. Definitely don't let it get to you. As a single lady dating myself - you're rocking some perfect stats there, Sir.
drousnavat
Thank you. I am doing my best with it. Dating is fucking rough now lol.
pxlphile
Grudgebearingmidget
It never feels nice but always remind yourself, it's better to feel sad now than sad for 3 years into a failing relationship with someone that can't love you *for* you. I learned that the hard way too many times.
OhIfIMust
I'm not gonna post my usual commiserating gif, but I feel you.
Zunderfeuer
Going through your profile, you seem to be a very versatile, skilled and fun person to be around. I just hope you stay true to yourself and if someone likes you the way you are now, you can be sure they like you for the right reasons.
On a personal note, I know how lonely things can get and with 6'6 (plus a few units more) and about 508lbs and the feelings we feel about our own self image. But you are doing it right, you made a huge step and that is what counts. Not that cunt of a person.
Zunderfeuer
Stay strong! And if you need someone to talk to or make new friends, give me a holler on the messenger here, I am always up to meet new people. Things are far easier when not being alone :)
drousnavat
Thanks man, we gotta stick together with stuff like this. The community support has been amazing.
Wrinkle666
Not the One move on .