stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
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I’m on the spectrum and honestly unsure about the social cues here, guys. Weigh in on whether this is neighborly vs passive aggressive please? I don’t know these neighbors as they’re new. The howling is INCESSANT. Partner and I are both dog people so we’re not like, mad about it per se but it’d be swell not to hear howling for 9 hours a day you know??
arfysdad
Maybe you could offer some puppy sitting too? Getting paid a bit while being with a pupper sounds pretty good.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I have dogs too and would happily trade dog watching duties off when asked!
VinnyVeritas
I think you're good. You shouldn't have to deal with an unreasonable amount or level of noise. Further, if those neighbors are responsible owners they;ll appreciate your thoughtfulness. You are giving them the chance to make it right, if that doesn't work...
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
If that doesn’t work then unfortunately we’ll probably have to talk to our landlord
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stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
ALL DOGS can be taught. I’m not saying the dog can never make noise; I’m saying it has to stop screaming for 9-10 hours of the day
PennsylvaniaPalindrome
Comfortable earphones and classical music did it for me. When i felt my shoulders up around my temples I finally figured out it was making me tense. heaped off at first but it gave me cauliflower ear
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I cannot wear headphones and listen to music all day
rbudrick
I had a neighbor that was never home, dog barked CONSTANTLY from the porch. Louder than all fuck, and just rapid arf arf arfarfarf 12-14 hours a day from 3:30am to sometimes 5 or 6 at night. I noticed a neighbor set a wifi network name something like "54 (st name) yellow dog STFU PLZZZ YOU NEVER STOP BARKING WTF" shit finally died down 3 years straight of that.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
That’s a level of petty I can appreciate
dogoodbegood
Just leave the gifts by their door, “congrats on your new puppy!”, nothing more. Implying someone doesn’t know how to care for their pet/child is virtually guaranteed to elicit a negative reaction, no matter how justified the constructive criticism may be.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
This is exactly what I’m worried about
Imadethisaccounttopost
I had a friend who had a Yellow Lab Puppy, when he was home, she was his world. However, he worked 12+ hours a day to afford the town house he was living in and the expenses of owning a dog.
So, he'd lock her away in a kennel in the basement of his house every time he left.
She'd howl and whine so loudly, neighbors would leave complaints on his door.
So I started to take her back to my house and let her run in my parents huge back yard, only bringing her home when tired out.
Imadethisaccounttopost
Thankfully, after a few months, he realized he couldn't live like that.. found a smaller, cheaper house, and sadly gave up the dog.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Unfortunately I can’t offer to constantly puppy sit as a) no thank you and b) I already have 2 dogs at my place. I don’t want them to get complaints from our office and be forced to rehome the dog
Imadethisaccounttopost
Rofl, this was 20yrs ago.
electrica77350
we were ultra nice to our neighbours when their godawful dogs finally got too much for us, they slammed the door on us, won't speak to us and have done nothing about the dogs.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
…that’s encouraging. Why I’d rather leave a note
prettytiedup5280
I think your solution sounds very thoughtful! They may not even be aware that their little guy is having trouble adjusting to being alone.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I wouldn’t be surprised if they have no idea tbh
PirateRubberDuck
I think going over with gifts for their dog should make it obvious that you have good intentions. Just say hello, introduce yourself and say that toys like this helped your dogs to howl less. Then you will have been polite and sated the problem by describing the solution and trying to help with the solution by showing compassion to their pet.
Seems hard to misinterpret that.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Dude people are crazy these days
sockshoesockshoe
It's hard to know how any individual person will take things. I think that your effort would most likely be appreciated, and IF it isn't, don't spend too much time worrying about it. Sometimes you just get a grumpy/unreasonable/delusional neighbor and there's nothing that can make them happy.
I spent years and years not knowing what was "appropriate", and being scared to interact at all, because I was surrounded by emotionally immature people. Reasonable adults shouldn't hate you for this!
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Thank you for the perspective and reassurance :)
RPhoenix
Look, if my neighbors told me that my dogs seemed to have seperation anxiety and offered up some puzzle toys for them, I would thank them profusely for letting me know, and for the toy, and be plotting out how to bring my dogs to work.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
That’s how I’d react too but idk how everyone would you know? People be crazy these days
Birbsicle
Leaving it at their doorstep would be kinda passive aggressive. Talking to them politely and giving the gift would be amazing. I understand being on the spectrum can mean talking or possible confrontation could be a bad option, but at the very very least add a nice letter
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Oh I was definitely going to leave it with a nice note and even a bottle of wine or something
ProfessorBanesworth
I feel this. I live in a condo, with units above, below, and to either side. The upstairs neighbours never properly sound proofed and got a puppy about a year ago. That dog is constantly either barking or crying throughout the day. I love animals - so so much - but I definitely don't want to be hearing someone else's animal all day, every day. I'm socially awkward and anxious (and who knows, maybe I'm on the spectrum, too)... no idea how to deal with it, so I settled on quietly suffering.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I can’t suffer in silence. Repetitive noises are such a trigger for me! Though I think ANYONE would get sick of it
ProfessorBanesworth
Oh, I know. I get triggered as well, but I don't want to go full Karen and my social anxiety doesn't let me go upstairs. Do you have misophonia?
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Yes, as well as tinnitus. It’s a fabulous combo
ProfessorBanesworth
Oh jeez, I'm so sorry. My partner has misophonia and I know how hard it is to deal with.
thedoorman42
Let them know. They probably don't have a clue and then can hopefully do something to help calm the dog.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I think as long as I do it politely it should be okay?
thedoorman42
I'd want to know for sure.
PleasantPeasantPheasant
That does seem to be what is expected of people. My therapist wanted me to 'reframe it' when I complained to her about suffering from the noises the neighbors made.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I’m not reframing my annoyance; it’s valid. I’m reframing my reaction from bitching about it to being part of the solution
sockshoesockshoe
Why does everyone else seemingly get to do what they want, but us "reasonable people" just have to re-mold ourselves continuously around their bullshit? ((I'm worried about seeking therapy because of this type of attitude. Just because I CAN adapt doesn't mean it's good for me or that I can do it forever...))
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Therapy helps. Just shop around for a therapist you actually jive with
ProfessorBanesworth
Get therapy anyways. If your therapists guidance seems to go against your values, discuss that with them. Maybe it'll reveal a problem with your value system and/or thought process, maybe it'll validate your feelings, or maybe you'll find you're on different pages and need a new therapist. Whichever, happens, it's important to seek the help you already know you need. I've gone through two therapists this year and I'm taking a break, but I plan to find #3 soon, because I know I need it.
Neurisko
Getting a social animal for a pet and leaving it alone for 9+ hours a day is animal cruelty, IMO.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I can’t say for certain that the dog is left alone; it might just be howling and they’re home and don’t know how to stop it. I watched someone impulsively buy a puppy this weekend while I was getting feeders…. People don’t always do the proper NECESSARY research before getting a pet
Snooj
You are right but that might not be the case here. It might be howling just because it's a hound and they're home.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Yeah, they might just be new dog owners and not know how to get it to quiet down. People impulse buy animals all the time unfortunately. A hound puppy was a poor choice for apartment living
Snooj
One of my neighbors has a basset hound and he walks her alllll the time. She's adorable. She's normally quiet but if you give a little awoo she will immediately respond in kind.
thedill2000
The in-laws had Tibetan Mastiffs. I've seen them sleep for more than 24 hours straight. There are whole days they wouldn't know if anyone else was around.
letsbehonestimatwork
When I adopted a senior dog, I never heard her make a noise. My neighbors left an unkind note on the door to let me know she was barking all day. Turns out she had separation anxiety and we did play dates at grandmas until I moved.
I would have appreciated your approach more than a nasty note.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I definitely don’t want to leave a nasty note! I want to be part of the solution not cause them extra grief
SpaceHaggis
Chap their door.
Alright mate your dogs too noisy can you keep the noise down.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Dude it’s so tempting to just be straight up about it but NT people think that’s rude so….here we are.
SpaceHaggis
Bark bark all day it is then.
Better buy so.e good headphones.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
There’s other ways to go about it. If the nice way doesn’t work then it’ll have to be a more direct…not confrontation but conversation?
SpaceHaggis
Just chap the door and nip it in the butt
QueenOfTheFey
I think the way you're doing it is awesome. It's basically saying "hey, I know your dog is struggling and I want us to work together to find a solution"
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Thanks; I’m just worried about overstepping some boundary. Like I’m telling them they’re shit dog owners or something
charondaboatman
Do it, but deliver it in person and explain why, nicely.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
A nicely written note isn’t sufficient? :/
NoNameFred
And miss the opportunity to be introduced to and play with the puppy?
sens22s
Deliver in person to make sure your message comes across the right way. A note is still easily misinterpreted (especially a note written by an autistic person).
Talk to them, as awfull as that is (I know, am autistic myself)
charondaboatman
Perhaps, Include a bottle of a nice wine, a nice note. “Welcome to the neighborhood’ type.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Oh I can do that!
charondaboatman
They will, most likely, come over to thank you. Just prepare yourself.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Not if I leave it anonymously they won’t :)
JohnSmithterms
I would offer to take the doggo in while yhey were at work. But i like doggos. Not everyone is human.
QueenOfTheFey
Not everyone is human? Explain
JohnSmithterms
I am half joking. "People who do not like dogs are not human" ... also people who do not help in their communities or help their neighbours are not human. I do not mean that literally. We cannot always spend energy helping our neighbours.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I too spend time and energy helping my neighbors. I wouldn’t mind offering :)
JohnSmithterms
Well i hope you do offer. Good for you.
QueenOfTheFey
Ah, fair play then!
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I wouldn’t mind helping out assuming the dog and I got on
thedoorman42
It's either that or rip down the door and take the puppy over to your place... honestly though, it's probably good to let them know.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I do not want a puppy, particularly a hound puppy. No thank yew.
thedoorman42
Honestly hear you there!
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
XD
IgnisInvictus
Do it. Think of it this way... it can't make things worse.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
True. I’d much rather go this route than bitch to our front office about it. I truly want to be a solution not cause them extra grief.
abcdefg912
God forbid the inconsiderate people causing problems for those around them experience any grief.
IgnisInvictus
It's also in no way passive-aggressive. It will help the new doggo. It is neighborly. It's not like you're leaving an unsigned note telling them to shut their dog up. You are being part of the solution.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
I guess the fact I don’t want to knock on the door and talk to them —I’d rather leave a note— is what has me anxious
IgnisInvictus
Leave a little card in the gift basket. Sign it. But there's nothing wrong with a little gift basket with a note.
Seriously, there's nothing wrong with this idea and it is part of the solution.
stonedlikeicheckedoutmedusa
Thank you :)