gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
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Oct 7, 2025 8:26 PM
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
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Feonir44
Been with my two gals for going on ten years now, has worked fine. It's not for everyone that's for sure.
fiveclovers
Currently in poly/open relationships. Anyone who tells you its easy is full of shit.
OctopusStinkhorn
My partner of 15 years dumped me because some other guy showed interest in her. He lost interest in a month and dragged it out for another two months before he dumped her. Now she wants me to take her back. Nope.
Huor
My ex-wife raised the idea, obviously wanting it. I said no. She went ahead and got a boyfriend anyway, then ended the marriage.
MeowMachine12
Unfortunately, that's how most poly attempts go or something similar.
UnbridledStupidity
Because she didn’t want an open relationship. She wanted someone else instead. Many times, “Let’s open it up” is the lazy “I don’t want this anymore.”
chaos021
Exactly
MeowMachine12
Or a piss poor but real attempt at fixing a relationship with problems. Same energy as having a baby or getting married will solve our issues.
mithiwithi
Even without going there, I can deduce that a subreddit named r/openmarriageregret is clearly going to select for failed open/poly relationships. So it may be good for keeping you away from a relationship that's not good for you, but it's not particularly good at evaluating open relationships in the general case. 1/2
mithiwithi
That said, if a relationship STARTS OUT monogamous, and THEN one party wants to open it, that is almost always just a breakup with extra steps. So good on you for skipping the extra steps, and do whatever it takes (within reason) not to get entangled with your ex again. 2/2
powwerbottom
Your boundary is just as valid as her needs. She's not a bad person for wanting that, and you're not a bad person for not. Congratulations to both of you for knowing what you want instead of compromising yourself.
UnicornRaline
I'm poly and have been for a long time. It's definitely not for everyone and very hard to do right. A lot of communication and honesty is needed.
chaos021
Smart man.
fractalsphere
There ain't no drama like poly drama. I support people who can live that lifestyle, but my wife and I are on the same page that we do not want to.
eion85
And that's how it should work!
spacerobot142
I could never be in an open relationship, I don’t want to share my partner.
LoftheDesert
I had a girlfriend who asked about open relationships. While I was intrigued, the issue for me is I have no game. While she figured she'd use her free pass like once or twice a year, I probably would have taken lots of effort to achieve very little success and I figured that would have made me resentful. So we didn't do and broke up instead. Good terms overall due to communication and honesty.
PorneliusHubertII
I know it sounds lucky, but I wouldn't mind a partner hooking up with others as long as we have a good emotional connection and my sexual needs are being met.
Xenarion
That's good. You realized you weren't compatible and went your own way amicably instead of resenting each other.
gluttonygreedpridewrathslothlustenvy
My wife and I have an agreement that I'll just pay for it from time to time, and if she goes on a business trip and hooks up at her hotel, no worries. We don't talk about it, it's not a voyeurism or cuckolding thing, it's just a transactional stress reliever and considered a private choice that doesn't impact our day-to-day marriage.
LoftheDesert
Do you live in a country where sex work is legal? That does sound like a good solution.
gluttonygreedpridewrathslothlustenvy
Tolerated if not strictly legal. You wouldn't be arrested for it unless it was related to sex trafficking or underage abuses.
crazyspelling
This. I've noticed a lot of relationships fail, not really because of the cheating, but because of the lying, gaslighting, trust issues, and just plain the mental/emotional gymnastics someone goes through to villify their partner in order to "justify" the affair to themselves. Just admit that "dude hot, loins go brrr" and get that animal itch scratched without flushing the good stuff in your life down the toilet.
crazyspelling
Biologically, many of us are wired for monogamy, and some aren't. That's how you keep a healthy cave man tribe together, with a few people sneaking off to mix genes with the next tribe over and sneaking back. But we're all pressured, as a species, to pretend that's not happening and we ourselves aren't the "type" of person that would do that. I mean, would I want to date a serial cheater who made it her whole identity and weekend goal, no. But if there's an oopsie, just make it up to me.
dextarrogue
So what's the plan if someone causes a pregnancy?
gluttonygreedpridewrathslothlustenvy
Condoms, IUD. The same stuff we use at home to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It's this really a question?
dextarrogue
Foreverinchains responded exactly how I was going to.
foreverinchains
You didn't answer the question. No birth control method is 100%, even when you combine multiple methods.
Have you talked about what you would do in the event of an unexpected pregnancy?
dextarrogue
Thanks, you took the thoughts right from my head.
gluttonygreedpridewrathslothlustenvy
Yeah we don't need kids so we'll abort. But it's been a non issue in 15 years of marriage.
BlueDsc
I hate shit like this, because it just perpetuates the idea that polyamory is the same as cheating. It's not. Polyamory is just a common scapegoat cheaters use.
Also, fun fact, you can make anything look terrible by going to a subreddit dedicated specifically to bad experiences.
doodlydoofus
The only genuinely hot woman to ever show interest in me was a married woman who wanted me to be a part of her polyamorous relationship. I genuinely considered it before saying no because that just sounds so......so fucking awful. That's how much I want absolutely nothing to do with polyamory or open marriages, I said no to a hot goth chick.....I will never find anything as good as that.
GreeenTreeWizard
sadurdaynight
Adding a baby or other people's drama to a failing relationship is a sure-fire way to patch it back up! Works every time! /s
jakedafish
I’ve been in many poly relationships.
They ended because I found out they were poly.
bottledham
spontaneous9
I've had 2 gfs like that. Drove me insane.
One parted ways willingly, one stalked me because she knew I could not resist her face to face. I quit her 6 times, she still came back. Finally I moved & left no fwd address.
Plot twist: she worked for the post office. Spotted a piece of mail with my new addy & pursued further! I saw her coming, begged my roommate to get rid of her which he did. Then she kept leaving flowers on my truck for the next year or so.
Yeesh. Get the fuck away from me.
bottledham
arthlvias
It's an older meme, but it checks out.
ProbablyCrazier
That's what protection orders are for.
smashole
I had a threesome last night....had a couple no shows. But I still had a good time. https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1NmU3cjE1czQyYXN5aWtnd3ljcXQzNGxrYTRnc3VueG9iZzBnajAxeCZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/3i7zenReaUuI0/200w.webp
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
I had a threesome once. It tucked. We just fumbled around and no one had fun. I was young but it isnt as fun as porn makes it seem.
chaos021
Yea. And if it's FMF (most guys' dream), it's a lotta work.
smashole
I can barely please one woman. Let alone two!
akafluffy
Leftinya and Rightonya showed you a good time?
smashole
https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1OHk3MnM5Nzh3bmFseGhqang3NGQwaHlyazZoN3NiaHBxc2RjcGkydiZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/l41JRsph73VokN6ik/200w.webp
akafluffy
BRRRRRRRRRROTHEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRR
seenunseen
There's 2 types in a poly relationship, the one that wants it and the one that goes along with it to not lose the relationship
MayhemPotato
If you vocally enter new relationships as explicitly Polyamorous, you tend to weed out the ones who don't want that.
CraftyGiant
This is generally true of relationships that start out closed.
TofuGolem
In my experience, in open relationships, there is usually one person who wants it, and another person who goes along with it because they think they have to in order to keep the relationship going. Do not do this unless both parties actually want it. Ever ever ever ever.
MaybeIllDisappear
If one partner isn't 100% into it you might as well end the relationship. Forcing someone to be poly or mono isn't fair to either partner.
Ulthirm
We call that poly under duress and will never end well.
Sironagold
*raises hand*
I'm poly? It's been fine? I just chose good people who I trusted with my life first?
The first poly relationship I was in was a horrific shit-show 'cause my partner wasn't someone I trusted as much as I wanted to anyway, but if you trust your partner, and they trust you, you can trust they have good taste in people you'll get along with so it's just ended up in everyone having closer family than before ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Ulthirm
Indeed, quite happily non monogamous. Ofc we have always practiced open communication and we have a personal opinion that the moment we have the thought of lying about something, that is something to talk about. Reddit in general, like most social media, tend to magnify the worst rather than the best unless you specifically operate a community focused on the best. Those sort of stories just gain more traction.
eion85
Happily poly here.
Nobody looks at failed monogamous relationships and says "look, people are just supposed to be alone forever."
ResemblingRemarks
Also happily poly here! Partner is moving in this month, and his mom's coming to stay for a couple of weeks. Best people ever, so glad my family's getting bigger.
Harm
Poly relationship is not for everyone. Stable,exclusive relationship is not for everyone. Relationships aren't even for everyone. Or solo life. The goal isn't to get a perfect stack of pancakes to cover everyone but that everyone finds a bit of at least one pancake to fit under. Plus if you're hungry, there's pancakes.
ilovetraveler
It works for some people, but I know for sure that I'm a strict monogamist and would not do well in an open relationship.
billstranger
An old roommate of mine referred to me as a "serial monogamist."
akafluffy
Good for you, I've bulled for a few couples the girl wanted to be poly but the guy didn't, and holy shit, those guys were miserable after a while. Know yourself, and if that's a hard line for you, don't pretend you'll be able to change it by just pretending it doesn't hurt.
jimhotep
I've been in two polyamorous relationships. They are certainly not for everyone. When I read stories on that subreddit, I recognize folks who should have never tried it.
crasemana
Forever is a long time. No harm if everyone’s on board and honest about what they’re after. Sex? Or emotional fulfillment? Or both?
tumepie
I've been in more than a few. They feel like they are just as likely as other relationships to fall apart or be successful, but with more moving pieces. Easier to fuck shit up.
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
98% of poly relationships are just excuses to cc heat
triggrhaapi
I don't know if I necessarily agree with that statistical distribution, but certainly there are people who are interested in polyamory because they want to be sexually promiscuous without regard for their partners' safety or well-being.
OhNooNotAgain
Carbon copy? Credit card? Closed caption? Copywright? Cubic Centimeter? Cash credit?...
tumepie
Poly isn't for you, you seem like a cc heater.
hfctom
"All relationships end in tragedy." You ever want to go down a rabbit hole read "Stepping off the relationship escalator" by Amy Gahran. Friend recommended it after the ex started reading a book about "Bedroom Death" her friend recommended (which said you can either work on it or leave and she was lazy) After awhile it's just lists of people and their different relationships and gets boring, but it's eye opening. https://offescalator.com/
rshini
Don't be an asshole. It's not for you fine, but don't be judgmental.
Phoelixx
The problem is that people open up their relationships to solve relationship problems. It works about as well as having a kid or getting married to solve relationship problems.
You are adding to the stigma of demonising poly relationships, despite the fact that most humans aren’t naturally monogamous. It’s not an excuse to cheat, it’s a recognition that love is abundant and can be shared with more than one person.
MySeventhUserProfile
cruise control?
SwagicalYololord
Carbon copy?
MacklinBurtMacklinFBI
Closed Caption?
Weneedbees
Hot ones
donthatemecauseimwittier
Copper coins?
pachyderm
Conceal carry ?
DiracsDelta
Man you have a really bleak outlook on exclusivity and those that don’t value it like you do.
eion85
Statistically, 97% of statistics are made up on the spot, including this one. Why include a fake stat?
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
UnbridledStupidity
“Some studies suggest”.
Aah, the old “trust me bro” argument.
eion85
It's a bullshit "article" by a law firm trying to drum up business. They cite themselves as a source multiple times.
/gallery/xXaUgcK/comment/2477475551
meme2zombie
Again, source for this.
UWAGAGABLAGABLAGABA
Trust him, bro.
eion85
It's a bullshit "article" by a law firm trying to drum up business. They cite themselves as a source multiple times.
/gallery/xXaUgcK/comment/2477475551
BlueAngel3141
I know many poly couples and they are the happiest couples I have ever known.
rossimus
I know some happy ones and some miserable ones. Ultimately it looks like way more work than I could ever imagine wanting to deal with.
I feel sorry for the kids getting raised in a poly family, though. The ones I know are basically just props in that emotional rats nest.
BlueAngel3141
I know ones with very happy kids.
You seem to be presuming a lot about a lifestyle you know nothing about.
rossimus
Not every critical observation of something is a personal attack on you and your experiences. When someone else's lived experience personally offends you, take a moment to think about why you reacted that way and how you can be better in the future.
OhNooNotAgain
While poly couples can be happy ...I take it you dont know many people or for long, are very young, or poor ability to notice things..
BlueAngel3141
Known them for years.
They or I am not young by any means.
They have issues like any couple and talk about it but know how to work through them like an any solid relationship does.
The assumptions vanilla people make about poly/lifestyle people are filled with ignorance and bias
OhNooNotAgain
You are just doing the exact thing you are accusing me of. I've known some poly people who all ended up in crazy breakups. I've known "straight" and "gay" couples of all endings so far, but they have been much happier than the poly people I knew.
foreverinchains
Maybe you should try actually talking to some poly people about their experiences rather than just imagining what you think they're like.
OhNooNotAgain
I've known some poly people who all ended up in crazy breakups. I've known "straight" and "gay" couples of all endings so far, but they have been generally much happier than the poly people I knew. Again, I'm sure some can be, but saying they are the "happiest couples I've ever known" is silly exaggeration that doesnt jive with reality I've seen.
foreverinchains
Making up numbers to make your case is a pretty dumb thing to do, bud.
The fact that you dont understand polyamory doesn't mean it's just about cheating.
If it's not for you, that's fine, but dont make up bullshit to justify your opinion.
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
Barely made up
Omnimorph2112
Marriage seems counter intuitive to polyamory though. And also seems like a terrible metric to judge the success rate of relationships on.
meme2zombie
Especially with how rarely it's even legal to get poly married.
eion85
This isn't the flex you think it is. And you're not sharing a citation to it.
jimhotep
Even if this were a valid study, it isn't; the issue is the question, not the relationships. The factors that make polyamorous relationships work are not one-to-one with traditional monogamy. You cannot put both of them in the same Venn diagram, except when there are two people. If you think polyamoroury is all about cheating, then those aren't poly relationships you are talking about, they're just cheaters in a traditional monogamous relationship.
foreverinchains
"Some research suggests" isn't a very convincing source, bud. That's just an opinion piece presented as fact, which is dishonest at best.
You're also citing an opinion piece about polyamorous marriages, which is only one type of polyamorous relationship, and pretending that it covers all of them.
Next, look up the divorce rate in monogamous marriages. At least half of all marriages result in divorce, and there's actual data to support that number.
meme2zombie
And even with all that it's still 92% "failed" not are an excuse to cheat.
MaybeIllDisappear
Open marriage isn't the same thing as polyamory. I moderate a polyamory discord and most of the relationships we have are steady. You do tend to break up more often though at first as you are dating more people.
SaltyAndBitter
A regular relationship sounds complicated enough. Adding more people adds more complications. But I'm sure it can work in some situations.
kleinheiko
Have you ever gone over to check out r/relationshipadvice? That place is a shitshow. Makes me glad that I'm polyamorous.
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
Relationship advice is a lot less miserable and delusional. Also tons of poly people post of their shitshows there too
ResemblingRemarks
So much toxic monogamy. Some people literally think it's impossible to just be friends with the opposite sex.
CanIGetSomeExtraSalt
so.. she's single?
bitemark
ish
Huor
Ish.
Xenarion
No she's triple.
Dontstopbelever2000ismyfavoritesoap
Sorta?
Sageypie
She's multiple
fractalsphere
No, she's got like 5 boyfriends now
rookie23
Oh, not the burger place.
Zetor
chaos021
Anything but
alt86er
Probably not...
GatorConspiracy
No, “single” is for monogamous relationships. She’s open, meaning you might get a turn, but just make sure you wrap it first. You don’t want to share in *everything*.
mrbadxampl
kinda, apparently
atomright2718
Actually, she's multiple.
AgamemnonsMemes
her three boyfriends sure think so.
MajorNikon
Far from it, but might have an opening left
DisUsernameAmsDildos
Teamwork makes the dream work
CanIGetSomeExtraSalt
MuffinProof
StarmineRendezvous
Oh no...
MajorNikon
That's the spirit
InfocalypseRising
I'm not gonna say open relationships are *entirely* bullshit but I feel like a decent percentage have to be one person saying "I want to cheat on you" and the other having such abysmal self esteem that they just go along with it
zylokun
Nono. You are entirely correct
knotch2
My friends girlfriend wanted to do this with him I'm like. She basically is telling you "I would like to suck other dicks" and I'm like "are you okay with that?" And he was like no... And I was like okay you probably have to break up with her unless she doesn't want to suck other dicks.
FajitaPrinceofAllMexicans
I felt so bad on a Discord when I saw a girl admit that she has an open relationship only on her end because her boyfriend can't make her climax. It was so much sympathetic psychic damage I had to close the app and stare into space. I hope he's happy with this.
Turkleturts
Unless he's paralyzed from the eyes down, I can think of a dozen ways to make her climax. He's either being selfish, isn't into it, or is a cuck but doesn't want to admit it.
PorneliusHubertII
If they are talking about it and asking permission, its not "cheating". They could easily just do it and not tell you.
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
My ex already had her brothers friend lined up when she askec
rshini
Meaning she's not actually poly, and you're conflating poly with cheating bitch
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
Its how most open relationships start. One person wants to cheat but doesn't go through with it til they bully and gaslight their partners into it
magicrhombus
Look I get it, but the slur isn't deserved. She wanted somebody else, but instead of acting on that desire in secret she communicated with her current partner. I can understand how it would feel like a betrayal and lead to a breakup, but it isn't cheating. Cheating is a much, much bigger betrayal.
Xenarion
It's not cheating if she's asking before doing anything.
ThM1ck
She's already done something, and is trying to get retroactive permission.
Xenarion
Maybe, maybe not. We can't judge from the outside with little information.
eion85
I've been in a stable poly relationship for the past 10+ years and always like to remind folks that you don't tend to hear about the successful ones because we're just going along living our lives.
You hear about the ones that don't work because that's just what happens when there's a train wreck.
MichaelLC
And just like train wrecks, a good poly relationship only has one train at a time.
eion85
From personal experience I can confirm this is not accurate
StillNotBunny
I suspect starting out poly is different than someone asking after the relationship started.
eion85
Like being kinky you're either born poly or you meet someone who you go poly for.
UnbridledStupidity
Absolutely. Been married to my wife for 8 years now. Have two other partners, for 1.5 and 2 years each. It’s fucking work, and a scheduling nightmare, but it’s also 100% worth it. People don’t go online and post about their crazy loud drama-filled clickbaity successes. Because that’s not how it works.
Junktrunkjunkie
I know a few successful poly folks. Not for me, but that’s just because dating in general isn’t for me.
foxybelle
THIS
meganical
Welp, having kids complicates things and housing costs and commute to work and distance from family so it’s nearly impossible for everyone’s needs to be met in those kinds of relationships. The only reason I’d consider being in one is if I didn’t want to have sex with my partner and it felt like a chore
eion85
I mean, kitchen table polyamory should make child rearing and housing costs more affordable.
I don't know how monogamous people manage in this economy.
GooteMoo
This is an extremely valid point
eion85
You've earned a hilarious and accurate Star Trek poly affirming meme.
Selfawerewolf
Yep my polycule's fantastic and I wouldn't trade them for the world. I don't typically go telling to public about how great it is. Unfortunately for OP their need to see other people's failure in order to soothe themselves is exactly the kinda relationship a poly person doesn't want.
eion85
Definitely sounds like OP would benefit from unpacking all this in therapy. They clearly aren't over their ex and it's causing them to have some animus towards others.
pyroshen
Out of curiosity, are you talking multiple relationships or one relationships and "side adventures"
eion85
I live with my two partners, we are all mutually romantic and sexual. In addition to the polycule we have other people we are romantically and sexually active with separately.
eventide215
The other part is a lot of people seem to think a poly relationship means a certain style. Like with me and my 2 BFs we're all in a relationship together. It's not me and one me and another and so on. It's one relationship shared with 3 people instead of 2. It could be a different way where each person has separate partners the other never really sees much if at all. Whatever works for them.
RatsLiveOnNoEvilStar
My poly relationship has been going for about 20 years now. Three of us, with my partners married to each other.
Just living our lives.
eventide215
That last line is what I always have to tell people... It's irritating how shocked people get and start thinking weird crap.. literally just living our lives and it happens to include more people than some people.
Waidonut
Also most people can't even handle one relationship
Xenarion
True. Still, they require work and aren't good for most people.
eion85
All relationships require work.
The skills are the same whether you have one partner or 12.
tylerdurdon
You hear a ton of stories about monogamous relationships not working out but for some reason nobody blames monogamy.
UnbridledStupidity
That’s a great point I’ve never thought of. Because monogamy is the “default” doesn’t mean it’s right, or easy.
A monogamous relationship is WORK. Most people are unwilling to do that bare minimum. Adding more work to the thing you’re unwilling to do is just going to make it fail faster and more spectacularly.
eion85
You've earned a wholesome Star Trek poly affirming meme.
Lonewolfing
All true. But it's probably important to add the successful ones work when everyone is on-board right away. A husband or wife reluctantly going that path to prevent a divorce however... there's your train wrecks.
eion85
I would agree that everyone needs to communicate their needs and be on the same page. I wouldn't agree that a successful poly relationship can't begin as a closed relationship that becomes poly later.
Based on OP's other comments it sounds like he got cheated on (emotionally if not physically) and is now blaming all poly people for that.
eventide215
The last bit is exactly what I gathered too. It's a rude post about blaming all other poly relationships and acting like they don't work simply because they are what they are.
scrumby
That kind of poly is just a riff on the classic "fix your relationship with a baby" idea. If we make things more complicated, add stressors, and reduce the time we have for each other overall surely that'll make this relationship start working again!
SayRamrod
TheBigBadBonerBiter
Poly's a lot of work, and I don't think many people realize that until they get into one regardless of if they did so voluntarily or were browbeat into it.
Also I'm curious how many people throw the word "poly" around when really they're just looking to swing. They're not interchangeable terms, my dudes.
eion85
I live with two partners. We visit each other's families. We bought a house together.
Definitely poly.
Relationships are hard work, period. Communication is vital.
Eristicrat
Yes, and: I think people seriously overlook how much of effective communication comes down to the ability to sit with and identify your own feelings. You can talk all day, but if the problem you're talking about isn't the root issue, you're not gonna get anywhere. I think some people go "our communication is great! We talk about everything!" and go gung-ho into poly without realizing that limitation.
eion85
Fighting fair is a relationship skill we don't teach people and should.
And yes, everyone needs therapy.
TheBigBadBonerBiter
Oh I wasn't saying you didn't know better, I was just saying that might be another reason people assume it's doomed to fail; they either don't fully know what they're asking or they think they're only asking for one thing when they're asking for something more involved.
radarforest
Right? On top of the stigma and society structure, I guess most people have barely heard about Wonder Woman's creator.
eion85
I got to share some fun (work safe) facts about William Moulton Marston when we took DISC "training" at work.
The S no longer stands for "Submission" but the D definitely still stands for "Dominance," yes even in the workplace version.
RefurbishedArcReactor
In a long term poly relationship as well. Me and my girlfriend (14 years), and her and her now-husband (16 years), we've all lived together for 12, and we have a near 10yo son. It's honestly just normal, unexciting, and gloriously boring most of the time.
eion85
It really is for us too.
I'm thankful this post was a place many of us could come and show there are successful poly relationships out there.
UnbridledStupidity
My favorite most exciting part of poly? The hours of discussion/communication to keep everything healthy and on the rails. Woo-wee hoo boy the exciting drama filled clickbaity stories I could tell.
The ones that work aren’t attention grabbing. Just normal boring life. Well, except the fun days where I have sex with 3 different women in the same day. That part is pretty great 😉
RickTheMarshallSelke
@OP.
It's not okay to shame poly people because you can't handle it. Knock it off.
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
Nah I'll shame them all I want. Poly people are cringe.
DHDragon
There's also a huge difference between relationships that *start* as openly polyamorous, and relationships that start monogamous but where one partner eventually asks to open the relationship up to polyamory.
pandemicmodedad
At that point, your partner is just saying that they dont want to cheat but want sex from someone else. They still want to be ina relationship with you, but doesn't just want you to satisfy their urges. Most people are not okay with that whem the relationship starts out as monogamous. My ex said to me before I found out she was texting other guys that if I wanted to go with someone else, she was fine with it, just dont bring them home.
eion85
I mean, we didn't meet our boyfriend until we were already married. We were open before that, but not poly.
But if people discover later they aren't compatible why should they continue on the relationship? It's not a suicide pact. Sometimes caring for someone means breaking up with them. Doesn't mean you have to become bitter and regretful about it.
Yogsothott
Hey yeah I was forced into polyamory from a monogamous relationship where my partner spent so much time with the other person and comparing me to them that I ended up in the psych ward because of how miserable it made me. Where was my partner when I was in the ER? Spending time with the other person. I'm queer and run queer events and the literal only poly person I know who is actually happy is my poly therapist. Fuck off with your "poly is fine actually" when it's often used to abuse people.
RickTheMarshallSelke
You're incredibly shallow.
Findrek
You being abused doesn't invalidate all the other poly relationships in the world. By that logic monogamy doesn't work either cause there are certainly plenty of monogamous abusers. You're painting a whole lot of people negatively based on your singular situation. And I'm saying this as 100% monogamous person.
4etherling
I know a few people who are happily poly and are not abusive. It sounds like you're scarred from your experience. It makes sense that you are bitter. Your bias does not define reality, however. Be kind to yourself and others if you can find it in you.
Yogsothott
What about my friend whose long time poly partner in 2 other relationships cheated on her and them? What about my friend who found out 2 women are lying to him about their stability to manipulate him into a throuple? What about my partner whose poly experience boiled down to "they all gave me the bare minimum attention because they had other partners, who they also paid bare minimum attention to since there wasn't enough of them to go around". Time and againI experience people with poly regret
therealzombiejesus
And it sounds like you're using your personal experiences to justify all poly people as not abusive while also taking the chance to shit on the guy by assuming they are bitter and then top it off with some self righteous bullshit. Fuck ALL the way off
TheDoctorCrankenstein
Fuck off with your bitter ass judging the relationships of others and using your misfortune to justify it.
thotterpop
Every friend that has told me they were in a open or poly relationship ended up not understanding the open aspect of it, and ruined it except for one... But I think even
thotterpop
Dang I got distracted and cut off. The exception is that they're still married, but their version of open relationship is pretty much, they can cheat as long as the other person doesn't find out, or sometime like that... Which is pretty much just the friend lied in order to tell me about some chick he hooked up with
eion85
It's not cheating if it follows the rules of the relationship they all agree to.
Their rules are "I don't want to know about it. Be discreet."
They know it's going on.
thotterpop
Ah yes, the, "it's only cheating if my partner finds out about it" rule. I guess many more people are in open relationships without realizing it.
eion85
We're talking about different things.
I'm talking about people WHO GET CONSENT FROM THEIR PARTNER to have sex with others, and the partner is fine with that but doesn't want to meet them or find out about that.
You're just talking about cheating.
storytaletime
Thats a crazy rule.
thotterpop
It's... Yeah, no, hes just a cheater. I'm 90% sure he took advantage of a drunk/high conversation with his partner by wording things a certain way. He's notoriously insecure and manipulative, and he does similar stuff to that all the time. The whole, "she's ok with it as long as she doesn't find out, so don't tell her about it." Is like the next step of bro code...
eion85
Do you actually know she's being lied to and didn't consent? Or are you just assuming?
storytaletime
Karma is a bitch. >.<
DiracsDelta
13 year relationship here, with 9 years married. And an 8 year relationship. And a 3 year relationship. https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTY1YjkxZmJlZzc4NjQyY29nOTN4bDR1cWdnZmx6bXR6aXB5MnF6YmNmNWY4OTVicyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/5xtDarmwsuR9sDRObyU/200w.mp4
seafox7
Game night!
pyroshen
Is that all simultaneously? Like do you have 3 relationships right now? Or did one end
DiracsDelta
3 simultaneous. But it’s worth noting that I live with one, try to see another for a day/night once a week, and the last is dependent on what they are in town and tends to be intermittent sprints. Each has its own needs and expectations in different ways, and kinda settled into its own niche and comfort zone. They also have their own partners, and while it can be a strain and time management is a common struggle, we all relate. More commitments but also more people in your corner supporting you.
EmptyHouseBurglar
Same. 15 years, 6 years, 1 year... And many close friends / former sex partners I'm still close to. It's very possible for good people to stay good to each other.
To me poly/enm is never neutral. It's got to be something both people want, are aligned for, are willing to put some effort into. Not weaponized or to save a chilling monogamous relationship.
A huge fraction of "faithful" relationships end, many badly. It's a function of the people involved and less so relationship structure.
eion85
Congrats!
drummergirl16
How the hell do you have the time??!
UnbridledStupidity
God that’s the struggle for me every week. Making the schedule work.
Eristicrat
You date people you share hobbies with and combine hobby time and hubby time!
Xenarion
I'm guessing with a group, you don't need each specific person as much as a monogamous person would their partner.
eventide215
Basically this. There's less stress actually because if someone's not in the mood for something you can go to another. Helps a lot with venting about your day and such. Whereas in a monogamous relationship you really only have that one person you can truly confide in and rely on.
DiracsDelta
lol that is really the biggest struggle for a lot of us. I knew one person who did solo poly and literally just made their google calendar open and reservable. But in all seriousness, different scales and time commitments and expectations in each relationship.
Xenarion
Solo poly?
onlyhalfghost
for me and our five, a lot of it is by doing group parallel play or just hanging out together.
EniChaos
congrats on the D&D party that can't use a scheduling excuse
onlyhalfghost
three of us are tabletop game *authors.*
DiracsDelta
Kitchen table poly can be sooo convenient lol
onlyhalfghost
it was also fun to rock up in War Thunder or Enlisted as an actual squad with coordination and kick ass with the power of love, but we burnt out on those for now
gamingfoodgifsandrecipes95
Successful ones are nearly non existent.
CanadianLadyMoose
You triggered a lot of insecure people who seem to feel the need to defend themselves to an internet stranger. Apparently your opinion on their relationships matters A LOT. Weird.
LoquaciousDude
It's not fun for ones orientation to be shamed and attacked, so it makes sense that people are calling out the bigotry. I can only imagine what its like for queer people to be given the side eye or treated like weirdos merely for who they are. I wish people would adopt the "not my relationship, idgaf" approach, but, bigots persist, and damn right they need to be fought.
CanadianLadyMoose
OP was telling a personal story, yall got triggered so he's defending himself on his own post. But yeah ok you're a victim, sure.
DiracsDelta
Your definition of success is fucked in my opinion.
philmoregraves
You're working with a confirmation bias. Poly isn't for everyone, and it seems like it wasn't your jam. Thats totally fine, but myself and my brother have both had separate poly relationships, as well as meeting ppl that have had successful poly relationships. No one polled us or the ppl we know. My failed xp is when I offered my gf an open enm relationship, and she said no bc she gets jealous. I respected that, she didnt with 7 other ppl including her abusive ex bc "sex is for funsies"
philmoregraves
Don't paint poly oriented ppl poorly bc of ur xp. U didnt have a good partner that matched you. That's it. Ur failure, their failure, it doesn't matter. Its not an ensureccessful thing that happens, its the people and their flaws, and shit communication that happen
UnbridledStupidity
No they fucking arent and repeatedly posting your “just trust me bro, some sources suggest” screenshot from a divorce lawyers website is proof of nothing other than your unwillingness to think critically.
eion85
Can you share the link to this?
Also, most poly relationships don't involve any civil marriage at all, and those that do have ZERO legal poly marriages, since that's illegal everywhere (no, polygamy doesn't count)
madjo
here's the link, it looks like some BS to me... It pretends to have references (but it just links back to a similar article on the same site without other references)
https://mainedivorcelawblog.com/what-percent-of-polyamorous-relationships-end-in-divorce/
Eristicrat
And it also says that poly people are happier on average than mono people, lol. That page is all over the place and none of its claims are sourced. I wonder why OP didn't post the link, hmmmmm 😂
eion85
Gee, a divorce blog. Totally reputable source on this topic!
BlueDsc
That has gotta be the most comically shit website I've ever seen. Not a single actual source in sight.