Just...venting to the void.

TLDR: sick man is learning that family may truly be who you choose, and not about blood.

Hello Imgur. This is a throwaway account, as I wanted to remain fairly anonymous. I just...need a place to vent. The photo is just a free rose wallpaper I found online, I've always loved roses.

I was on the way to my dream of being a counselor. I worked very hard for years and years to get my masters, and managed to do so with a high GPA, higher than my undergraduate. It wasn't easy but I constantly pushed and pushed.

But in the last days of my program, I started to feel nauseaus often in the mornings, eventually developing to throwing up in the morning almost every day. It slowed my eating; my appetite was completely gone and I'd eat like a meal a day.

I began my first job when I finished my masters 3 days later, eager to pursue that dream. But it just...kept getting worse. I resigned from that job after only 2 months - something I worked 8 years for in school through all my other health issues.

It slowly became clear I couldn't support myself as my stomach got worse and worse. I had to leave a state I called home for nearly a decade and move back to my hometown with my Grandmother. This was meant to be a time of healing.

There have been growing pains with me being here. However, some things have gone beyond that. While my Grandmother is a wonderful support, my uncles are continously hounding me for things I cannot accomplish easily while sick.

For the past 3 days I had an episode of my stomach issue, and so the dishwasher wasn't unloaded for two days. My Grandmother said nothing and knew I was struggling, but my uncle decided that me not completing that was enough to shun me. He came to the house, attempted to get this done, and chose to ignore me with wireless headphones, ignore his mother's pleas to speak with me if he has an issue, and then threaten to not come back and help his elderly mother.

Then he did; just left. I have tried so hard to be as respectful and do as much as I can while here, but I have fallen short so many times from this illness. The problem is is I am noticing its stress that does this, and after that altercation with my uncle (one in a long line of issues) I just balled my eyes out, and then threw up all night. Having no sleep and a night like that, I called out of my work, which I struggled with going to anyways but had a lot of pressure from family to get a job, and I was fired.

I don't know what to do. I want to return to the state I was before, but the cost of living is very high and I have no family there so it's worrying when I'm sick. However, I crave that independence again and have to remove myself from this environment if it perpetuates this sickness that is dominating my life.

My options are 1) to stay in this small town that I don't know anyone in, and focus on my new goal of a computer science degree this Fall. My mental health and physical cannot warrant my return to counseling and using my psychology degree that way. Option 2) is to make that return to the state I was in and take the leap back to friends who are open and inviting me back and who genuinely have shown so much love and support for me even though I've been gone for about a year now.

But I'm terrified now. So scared of failing, of not having the money to make this move the right way, of just making the wrong decision. My Grandmother even hit me with a "this may be the last time we see each other if you leave..." and if it was up to her I think she'd have me here forever.

But I have to make the right decision for myself, right? I don't know. I'm so lost. So I guess I'm reaching out to internet strangers to see if people can relate. Thank you for reading all of this.

Cat tax. This is Eggnog. She's my best friend and has been through all of this with me, ever sweet.

She kinda chonky.?