IAmSauce
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Sorry ahead of time if it seems incoherent, but today has felt like I've reached a limit of sorts. Lately, I've been struggling to be open and honest with the people in my life about my problems and feelings. It's a strong sense of guilt, I suppose? Hence why I'm posting on an alt I haven't touched in almost a decade. Maybe putting this out to complete strangers will give me the relief I need. The new year has left me feeling like I could be doing more with my life. But I also feel like everything has lost meaning. I'm so tired of fighting, of trying. I know it could be worse, but somehow that makes it feel shittier.
whatexactlyisthefunctionofarubberduck
What has helped in the past when you've struggled and felt like this
BuckinCrazy
Ignorance is Bliss. Of all the knowledge I have, most of it is pain. The little happy bumps in between are truly the cycle of abuse brought to you by the Universe.
DustyBibbles
For me, I want a full system wipe. No memories of me. I never existed.
JowesCrow
I dream of this a lot as well.
MidnaShadow
aluckygrl
I hope venting helped. If you need to talk more i’m here for you
Andunistar
Drop me a dm any time you want to shoot the shit about any old thing you want to shoot the shit about. Open invite if you just want to vent.
AntiTrollPatrol
You don’t have to do MORE with your life dude. I’m going through some dark times too, and I am finding the less pressure I put on myself, the easier the road is travel. The only advice I could give is try and be present in the right now and not live in future you. It’s overwhelming, and also somehow underwhelming to live there too. We live in a really uncertain world right now too, filled with negative headlines every single day. It’s hard to navigate. Try and take it easy on you. You are you.
amrakojic
Same
thegreyacemaven
I started speaking up for myself last year. Things still suck, but it's improving. If I was in the same headspace now as I was last January, I would not have survived the election results, let alone yesterday's dictatorial installment. I still am struggling, and I still have bad days more than not; but my friends check in more often, my family has given me more grace and understanding, and I'm getting better about not shrinking into myself. The struggle is real, but you don't have to go it alone
NChomsky
AtlantisTheLostEmpire
I'm no professional and I don't know all the details, but either you continue on this path that it drives you insane. Or, you try something new which you've just done now with this post (yes, venting is a step in change).
Now, get up, dust yourself off, and try another step. Have a shower, get a good meal, straighten up that fucking picture that's been annoying you forever. Get rid of all those little tasks your brain constantly nags you about and maybe it'll help you confront the bigger steps.
whatexactlyisthefunctionofarubberduck
Do you feel like screaming, no matter where you are,very moment of every day? It's rough..you are doing well
userlessname
Gonna be a dark month for a lot of people. There's very little happening to give us hope. I wish you the best. I'm in a very dark place as well.
Ghlain
MoonBoots92
If i take every bit of good advice I've ever heard and boiled it down into one small, digestible bit, it's this:
All we have is each other. Be good to yourself. And help one another.
MoonBoots92
AKA
macgerdo
I started seeing life like a visit to the zoo and it helped me a lot. It can be interesting and stuff and you can learn a little, but you are just a visitor, the animals don't live in their natural habitat and it is kinda sad they are caged and you shouldn't support it, but they need money for food.
If you can't explain to the ape whats wrong and he is instead throwing shit at you, don't feel bad or angry. He is just an ape and confused just like you.
Take their shit and throw it back at them.
WellThatsOriginal
If you need to feel like you have accomplished something, go to a retirement home and play checkers with people that don't have family. In some situations, it can turn into a career. Especially if you have experience or education in something related.
Neferium
Be as productive as you want. As living beings we really don’t have that much we are “supposed” to do. This idea that we have to be “productive” is hogwash… our lives aren’t about making a corporate profit etc. enjoy life, you only get it once. Just don’t hurt people lol.
NomDeImguerre
You know, there's a saying about people loving you for your faults. The truth is, your "faults" are you, a part of you, they make you human, make you real. And people love that. Not just for your sake, but also, people enjoy the feeling of being helpful, of mattering to others. The sense of guilt you're feeling is often because of well, sorry, bad parenting. You're taught not to express yourself, to be yourself, and so when you do, you're feeling guilt.
fformulaa
I work remote and sometimes i feel like i want to get a hut with internets in costa rica and dissappear from family and friends, i just don't know spanish. Then again i wouldn't plan on hanging out so
farfie
Same several years ago. I just want a vacation from all the different types of shit in life. (Horseshit, batshit and bullshit) I drink instead. That's a long enough break for me, an evening here and there.
TarquateseTeote
Do it if you can afford it! Costa is Pura Vida!!🌊
jdoeimgur
Learning a language is the easiest step. If you really want to get there, you will learn it in no time.
idrinkcheapbeer
have you tried drugs? the illicit ones. the prescription ones dont do much,
Sprezzaturca
I am right there with you. Let me know if you ever figure out how to get out of it.
MediocreTheropod
Funny thing about that sense of guilt, I've found it's stripped away when you make steps to open up to internet strangers. Something about not being linked face to face helps get the words out, and I promise after that first scary step, you'll feel a weight lifted.
If you feel up to it, say what's been weighing on you here, if that's feeling like too much, feel free to dm me 🫂
NervAssEva
ianrl337
You aren't alone, been there, done that, we have a newsletter. Go do something stupid by yourself. I went to Disneyland and had a blast.
TarquateseTeote
You can afford to go to Disneyland? You must be stoked!!
ianrl337
It is way cheaper when you go alone. Same with Vegas if you don't gamble.
scoutMoonDiver
There’s a newsletter??
GatorConspiracy
Yes, consume more bullshit, that’ll help…
ianrl337
If you are able to separate fantasy from reality then occasionally just saying fuck it and embracing the fantasy and being a kid again can be a great release. I went at the Christmas season, it had just rained so the park emptied out and was mostly adults late at night. It was great.
notifybay151
TarquateseTeote
I’m still upset they canceled OA
whyforetho
Wish I had something productive to say other than, you aren't alone in those feelings. I've spent a lot of time just trying to be ok with living whatever life I can, the simpler the better. As a young kid, I couldn't handle the pressure that the word "potential" put on me. It seems like your "could be doing more" feeling is putting this pressure on you, and I'm really sorry to see that. Not all of us need to grow up to be astronauts. Even the janitors at NASA helped put men on the moon.
Togame21
I always think that the whole 'you're great, because you have so much potential' has it backwards in at least two ways. First of all, nobody can predict the future, and also it doesn't exist yet. You don't have potential, nobody does, you were just a bright kid, you didn't promise anybody that you would do anything with that. And second, the worldview that you are only worthy because you did good things leads to the idea that only useful people should exist, but then, what are they useful for?
Akurei00
Potential is just the ability to be something, not clairvoyance that something will amount to anything worthwhile. Yes, people often put it on a pedestal like "you could be the next Einstein" but it doesn't have to be so grandiose. Maybe just finding something you like doing for a living, or being a good partner, or a good parent.
Your goal should be to do good things. Otherwise, you end up a sociopath. Use your potential to create some good, or at least not spread some bad.
Togame21
If some horrible accident happens tomorrow, and it makes me unable to learn anything, is my potential gone? Or was it never there in the first place because I was always going to be in that accident, and so never learn anything after tomorrow?
Also, can you tell me what you think a sociopath is? A lot of people use that word in a lot of different ways, and the only common trend is 'person who does bad things', and it makes communication difficult, I think.
Akurei00
Yes, some of your potential can absolutely be lost. Lose an arm, probably not going to play guitar anymore. There's still things you can do, just not that. It's not a measure of intelligence.
Some characteristics of a sociopath:
Lack of empathy for others.
Attempting to control others with threats or aggression.
Using intelligence, charm, or charisma to manipulate others.
Not learning from mistakes or punishment.
Lying for personal gain.
Feel free to research it more, yourself.
Togame21
My research says that 'sociopath' is not a mental health diagnosis nor a scientific term, and so there is not one single definition of it. So I am asking you personally, when you made this argument, what definition did you have in mind? I don't want to respond to that part of the argument without understanding what you meant.
Togame21
If only useful, able people exist, and only for as long as they are useful, then what would they direct that usefulness to? Helping old people, or ill people, or the disabled? Those are not useful, and are gone now. And now the useful people are useless, so we're done, there's nobody left. The only way out of here that I see is that we are all here to help and be helped and wonder at things and enjoy ourselves. You have value, because you are a person.
IAmSauce
Unfortunately I can't seem to edit my post (or maybe it's not showing, idk), so I want to express my appreciation for you guys. I wish I could've put more detail, but at the time I was also feeling physically ill.
IAmSauce
ah shoot hitting "enter" sent this early
IAmSauce
I do want to clarify that I don't want to die, but living the way I have been has put a lot of strain on my mental health. My options are very limited. I'm one emergency away from being broke, but I can't just switch jobs because this one is the most accommodating to my disabilities. Moving isn't an option because of finances + my elderly mother doesn't want to move. But on the bright side, if I can just hold out at most 2 more years, I'll have a bit of extra support from my S/O.
IAmSauce
A lot of my life has been sheer luck, and I don't want to toss it away. I just struggle talking to the people I know, because I always feel like they're in a worse spot than I am right now. The people I hold dear don't mean to remind me that I could have it worse, just sometimes the "look on the bright side"s make me feel like I'm not being grateful. I am. I really am. Every good thing seems lucky when you start out with a bad hand. But sometimes so much pressure builds up.
IAmSauce
I've tried drugs (at least ones that won't kill me faster, so alcohol is a no-go. Don't got the organs for it). I've tried disconnecting from online stuff. I've tried music, meditation. I've tried bringing back old hobbies. Refreshing new hobbies. Usually creative outlets help. Hard to do when I feel like I have no time and energy. Been burning out faster without it. The "productive" feel was less to do with capitalism, with the state of the world, and more to do with stagnation