sleeperkid
33578
1103
18
Aug 18, 2025 6:04 PM
sleeperkid
33578
1103
18
Rubyrose99
Jesus was bi, right? I mean, it's not called The Straightble.
LilSloppy
I remember in Bible Study coming across a passage about Jesus’ siblings and I highlighted it. I was obsessed with the movie Dogma and was trying to figure out if the Last Scion was a real thing.
Goatfer
I guess if they don't like that we could just say he was gay. Mid 30's and a single man living with his disciples at a time most people had several kids by then...
JasonThorn
Viewing people that lived 2,000 years ago through a modern lens and making judgments without context seldom works.
Ghlargh
In the minds of Christians, the bible is the absolute truth and anything that speaks against it must be a lie.
Except when the words in the bible are the slightest bit problematic for their own situation, then they can be "interpreted another way" and ignored.
Osiricus
I heard, from the literal mouth of God, that all religions are bullshit.
redditmcredditface
I would ask about the book but honestly I dont give a shit
freakdiablo
Honestly I like the idea. Jesus - the demigod who could walk on water, perform miracles? Haha ok. But Jesus - the family guy who just wanted everyone to be awesome to eachother? An idea I could actually get behind. But if you believe the former, you do you.
Durgon8tr
Don't forget. Jesus rode dinosaurs
DemonicFruitfly
PriestofThor
That's yoink
IKindaLikeImgurAlot
Lmao. Jesus was a gay guy. My coworker got so made when I said that And told me there is no evidence
TsubakiTragic
I do like it when the god-botherers get out-voted 6 ways to sunday.
Comet260
Remember, the bible is the CLAIM. Not the EVIDENCE.
bullyboy1963
It's not new. Holy Blood, Holy Grail.
JasonThorn
Which was the basis for THE DA VINCI CODE. Not exactly the pedigree you're looking for.
bullyboy1963
True. Just pointing out that the concept is nothing new.
Slimewire
http://www.gnosis.org/naghamm/nhl.html
MCHammer90
I am a practicing Christian. Why couldn't the dude get married??? I love love, man. Happy monogamous relationships are the best. If I'm encouraged to have one, why isn't God?? Definitely checks out.
NightOwlRally
That's one of the biggest underlying dangers of organized religion. It isn't Faith they want to spread, it's blind and unquestioning obedience.
Osiricus
Religion is like a penis...it's great that you have one and that you're proud of it...but when you start trying to shove it down me or my children's throats, we're going to have a problem.
redsmerf
Legit curious here though, what's the basis?
SmokeyIsTheBandit
Ummm. That's not new, just newly releases to Catholics unless they found another gospel
LitheXD
Christians are still trying to get over he wasn't white. This must have really blown their minds.
meganical
What new book? And, I would think much less of Jesus if he had two children because sacrificing himself for others isn’t such a great deed when you’re leaving behind vulnerable individuals that depend on you for survival
BaddyOneShoe
It's kind of a silly deed when you sacrifice yourself to yourself to appease yourself and you only stay dead for a weekend.
IceWeaselX
Sounds like a typical rager.
• Sacrifice yourself (get blackout drunk)
• to appease yourself (for funsies)
• and stay dead for a weekend (fucking hangovers, man)
apneax3n0n
And then escape tò your father's house Who Is still you
IndianJoe
It is also said that he scored four touchdowns in a single game while playing for the Polk High School Panthers in the 1966 city championship game versus Andrew Johnson High School, including the game-winning touchdown in the final seconds.
bianchinino06
Hmmm--- that DOES sound familiar. You may be on to something.
TsubakiTragic
4!!?? Come now, that's a bridge too far for any right thinking man/woman.
Jaqdakloun
75 yard sprint to the end zone as I recall
90sLego
There is ample evidence that Jesus existed. Roman accounts and primary sources from antiquity demonstrate him to be real as any historic figure (short of finding his exact remains). Anybody suggesting this to be insufficient should note that Julias Caesar's remains have yet to be uncovered. However, who he really was and what sort of life he actually lived is much harder to determine, particularly if you were to step outside the religious context and view him objectively. 1/2
90sLego
2/2 Biblical accounts are estimated to have been written 30 or more years after his death. Divine acts such as healing and feeding would be oral stories, as the class of people he acted amongst would be largely illiterate. Paul was revolutionary to the following because he was classically trained in Greek, Roman, and Hebrew, hence the major reliance on his works in the New Testament. Preserving articafts related to Jesus didn't matter until Christian ideology domination hundreds of years later.
LevainAvatar
I believe Jesus was a real person and did many many kind things for people and spoke of great ideals. I do not believe there is an omnipotent god figure that dictates our world. If there is and this is all just a simulation, it's beyond any humans ability to comprehend
Toetag1
The Jesus I know has 8 kids, is a carpenter and landscaper and enjoys Mariachi music.
invaderjak
"Its not in my infallible, immutable tome passed on by a creator that only exists within, so there's no evidence for it!"
decarnatedame
I mean, it was, but someone burned that scroll.
masiakasaurus
In fairness extra biblical evidence for a historical Jesus is pretty slim, so if it's not in there, there probably is no evidence for it.
invaderjak
I've always been under the impression that it's more likely "Jesus" was an amalgamation of several individuals, but it's been a while since I looked into it, so I could be very wrong. I grew up catholic, but stopped attending church as soon as I was able to. I just get a kick out of the mental gymnastics.
Hexrowe
_Probably_ one or more real people (it was a popular name and apocalyptic preachers were swarming like locusts at the time) as well as several fictional characters, plus a whole bunch of popular story beats and motifs. AFAIK there's no good justification to say anything more definite than that (well, except that he was DEFINITELY NOT an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving magic man).
invaderjak
What I really wonder, is how many people would be confused that he would answer to the name Joshua instead of Jesus.
Hexrowe
And it wouldn't be pronounced "choshua", either! Remember, kids: in Latin, Jehovah begins with an I...
jackal12345
A book that's been rewritten and re translated dozens of times based off stories told orally for generations.
invaderjak
yet somehow infallible and immutable
DukeDarkwood
So the parts about caring for the poor, showing kindness and mercy - those are infallible and immutable too, right?
invaderjak
They’re also apparently optional and open to interpretation
DukeDarkwood
If they can ignore the parts they don't like, we can ignore the parts we don't like. There's no halfsies, here.
Just because they don't care about their hypocrisy doesn't mean I'm not going to shove it in their faces every single time.
iamthemanwithnoname
You can spread what with a butter knife? Irony? Christians? The new book? I don't get it.
meganical
Yep, we’ve all been known to spread books and Christians around with a butter knife
iamthemanwithnoname
I've never spread irony with a butter knife either
sleeperkid
Irony.
iamthemanwithnoname
What does it mean?
naomiMoonBeast
There's actually quite a few temples dedicated to Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene in the Middle East
NothingPrince
when you got there do they wash your feet with their hair.
earthlingextraordinaire
FlyingTigerRose
thebigbaka
TheWorldAccordingToAtlas
If you see a single set of footprints in the sand, just know that you should make plaster casts.
DonL9
(sigh) "My name's Darryl."
MaybeIllDisappear
At least there is a photo of Bigfoot...
HandFireWeapon
That's not bigfoot, that's your mum.
QuartzPoker
There's photos of Jesus on toast, too. Photos aren't exactly the best proof. XS
xizar
Nothing wrong with that https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/05/140506115622.htm
Pizzeption
I thought that was a photo of your MOM? ... (I'm sorry, I'll go back in my box now.)
earthlingextraordinaire
RedTailedHawk
earthlingextraordinaire
:-P
alluro2
https://media0.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1eHl3ZXZ4ajg0aGN5ZXE5cXllMnVsOGl5ZDU1a3MxdzJ4YmdwdDdmayZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/xT9IgG50Fb7Mi0prBC/200w.webp
ChiLLeCheeze
Allegedly
earthlingextraordinaire
SoapyWandKenobi
spiceass9000
At the same time?
deegeeeeez
It was a sick Bigfoot
ChiLLeCheeze
Bigfoot would like to forget about that incident.
Sinisfun
JohnWickdidnothingwrong
I have it on good authority that jesus was a thrillseeking hosemonster, a real party boy, not that I'm judging.
redsmerf
pretty sure that was his brother Craig
JohnWickdidnothingwrong
Is he the one that turns water into Coors Light? Might have been. They look a lot alike.
Sageypie
Coincidentally, we have records, such as they are, of Jesus having at least the one brother, because said brother was responsible for building and maintaining his first temple. But a lot of Christians will rail against the idea that Jesus was anything other than an only child.
redsmerf
Which I never really understood. Dogma called it
Osiricus
I heard the same thing from a bunch of illiterate goat herders that weren't even there at the time...it must be fact.
Pokegeologist
They had a council to decide what was and was not canon. These stories were expunged like 1000 years ago...
CedricDur
There's been more than one uncovered in the dead sea. Christians don't like it because it makes more sense that Jesus was a god with super powers of which there was only one in (their) recorded history never to be seen again. Even all the apostles slinging magic around. Only once and then never again. The impossible other possibility is that Jesus was a regular guy who ate and shat like all of us and had a good message that he spread.
Blackadam7
When all you think is the super powers, you kinda forget the teachings.
AndersCalrissian
That's what I believe.
BilltheCatisBack
Bad! There is no evidence that the perfect flesh Jesus ever shat.
Soufange
Kim Jong Un wants to know your location
FlyingTigerRose
There are plenty of Gospels that didn't make it to the bible because a group of guys decided "Nah, 4 is fine", then handpicked Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John... but no one else, including Gospels of Mary Magdelene, Jesus, and Judas.
Fubb1ck
"Good" message...
CedricDur
From what little we know of it. I can't consider the washed, doctored, retconned, lore that trickled down the centuries as whatever the guy said, but we're not going to argue that do good, help the others, etc as bad, right? Lets not confuse the message from the guy with the myriad other characters in the plot who practiced incest, rape, and murder.
Delathi
The red letter stuff in the Bible is pretty good for the most part. It’s the ‘interpretations’ after and the cruelty of the Old Testament that are the more serious problems.
Sypurist
The message was good, it's just that bad people used it to gain power, power corrupts, and now the whole thing needs to go in the trash.
The basic message of "Don't be a dick" mostly gets lost.
ArchaeoEejit
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_purpose_of_a_system_is_what_it_does
jasjourno
^ that link is not very eejitty
ArchaeoEejit
Eejits are allowed to be right from time to time.
Stoneagedudeman
Look. There is a real argument that Mary Mag and him were married.
thebigbaka
Primary Sources - The Gospel Of Mary
PBS https://share.google/apHj7c9RGKwAa3MFZ
thebigbaka
https://youtu.be/mkXywGCVkA4?si=Soejrrx8iROyRQ7z
FuManLu
I heard he had a sister... Not sure if this was also a seed from God and not traditional sex
QuartzPoker
My favorite theory is he was dating John the Disciple, as the Book of John repeatedly and specifically says they had a special relationship and John was "the one [Jesus] loved".
Soufange
John: anyway we were ROOMMATES
jakedafish
Getting Christian’s to acknowledge that the ‘original’ Bible was pruned several times is nearly impossible. They refuse to read, refuse to learn history, and refuse to think. You’re better off just pushing them all into Florida and then building a wall.
Stoneagedudeman
It's fun to explain there are 10 books that were just cut from the KJV, and one book that the catholics cut from orthodox. Like, im a bad christian, but i give good effort to actually understanding the basis of my faith.
Wizzbit
Bring up incest, they really don't like that one
TheDisscoPotato
Hey now, I am an ex Christian and I am white, non practicing, please don’t trap me here with these monsters. 😭
Soufange
TOO LATE
https://media4.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPWE1NzM3M2U1eGIzY2Zua2lxc2h0dGM2b2JpODljd2I1eXV0dG43aWx3NzFpbm01MyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/zNyBPu5hEFpu/200w.webp
jakedafish
The only part of this that would make me sad is losing the Everglades.
TheDisscoPotato
I understand. 😂
3nd3rwiggin
I also heard from a very reliable source that Jesus had several siblings and was black.
ToenailClippingsJar
Yeeah, he definitely wasn’t a white-washed member of the ariyan race…
RufusTheThirteenthApostle
Hard to have a New testament without him...
rrlyrae
Degarafarat
And as a descendant of David, he could've had red hair.
JT1984
I heard from that same guy that there was a thirteenth apostle.
vericon151
Rufus
SrPootStank
You doofus!
sal0qwerty
There actually is, Judas gets replaced by Matthias
androgenoide
The gospels name four of his brothers and mention unnamed sisters.
JonWallace1985
James, Simon, Judas, and Joe. Everyone agrees James was a brother. I’m not sure if the Bible claims the other three are, but scholarly articles I’ve seen say there is debate over the exact relation of the other three.
androgenoide
I think James was pretty active in the early church. I've heard that he and Paul did not see eye to eye.
KsuviKhor
Jesus was most assuredly some shade of brown, no doubt about that. Whether you believe in his divinity or not, he was a Middle Eastern man, and being pasty-white would have been a statistical improbability.
Dude was definitely brown.
Wizzbit
Mary could of doinked a whote guy giving the mixed race skin, " Mary why is the baby that colour,"
"Erm it's God's doing"
chris16447
He had fair skin but emitted a mysterious aura that made no one think it was odd. He also had the divine ability to not get horrific sunburn from the oppressive afternoon sun. You can't disprove it!
MidnightBaelfire
They put that same aura Clark Kent's glasses
Pseudobatrachotoxin
Nazarene, so almost assuredly olive skinned.
BarryARief
Based on our knowledge of skin colour of today's inhabitants, or those who lived there 2000 years ago? I've always been curious about that.
TruthJusticeFreedomAndAHardBoiledEgg
Albino Jesus.
ToenailClippingsJar
That would be cool actually. He’d have red eyes then. Would love to hear them explain that away..
maday1br
And he has at least one brother IN THE BIBLE.
DrowsyDude
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yH1cFnzzp7w
JonWallace1985
Not only referenced: he wrote a section that’s named after him! Others like Judas or Simon may have been brothers or maybe cousins, but The Book of James is agreed by the church and scholars to be written by his brother.
DrowsyDude
yeah wasn't it Craig or something?
SrPootStank
He turns water into Coors light
MajorasTerribleFate
MajorasTerribleFate
absolutelymad
Chuckle