dad jokes - rimgo

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81 and he said no.

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My desire to spontaneously sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is always just a whim away.

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My partner accused me of having no sense of direction. I got so angry, I packed up my stuff and right!

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Every morning and night I send my adult kids memes, dad jokes, advice, warnings about cats, words of encouragement and affirmation, and a little nightmare fuel. Here’s the latest.

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Have you heard about a new sport called Quiet Tennis? It's like regular tennis but without the racket.

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I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure

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I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.

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Ok.

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Every morning and night I seen my adult kids memes, dad jokes, daily jams, warnings about cats, etc. Today my youngest completed hoods day of college. Hooray!!

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I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn't find country music helpful at all.

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I hate making spelling mistakes because all you have to do is mix up a few letters and your whole joke is urined.

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I lost my mood ring today - I don’t know how I feel about it.

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You should really start training for the marathon. It will help you in the long run.

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Albert Einstein was a great man, but his brother Frank was an absolute monster.

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What did they use to cut trees in prehistoric times? DinoSaws!

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Captain: Does anyone know what the number 2 is in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain!

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A crow lost the ability to communicate. The scientists are currently looking for the caws.

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I've finally decided to give up my career as a graffiti artist. To be honest the writing's been on the wall for a long time.

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I sneezed at the dinner table, and my brother said something like “Gazoon Height”. I had no idea what he meant by that. Probably a blessing in disguise ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Got a new experimental shrub trimmer today. It’s cutting hedge technology.

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To the person who stole my place in the queue - I’m after you now!

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I've always wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.

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He should do stand up.

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Every day I send my adult kids memes, daily theme music, words of encouragement, and general silliness. Here’s the latest.

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My account was hacked..

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Who Knew This Wasteland Would Come In Handy

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Why do riot police wake up early? To beat the crowds.

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Today I learned the navy doesn’t build their subs. They use a sub contractor.

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Learning to Apologize

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Dead Dad Jokes

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♰ Why can’t vampires work in the business world? Too many stakeholders ♰

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I tried taking up origami as a hobby but couldn't get into it ... Too much paperwork for my liking.

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I have a bad feeling about these memes.

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What shivers at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck (ó﹏ò｡)

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I have a bunch of dead batteries that I've decided to give away - They are all free of charge.

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Every morning and night I send my adult kids memes, dad jokes, advice, warnings about cats, words of affirmation, silliness, wake up memes, bedtime memes (disturbing ones). Here’s the latest.

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If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.

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What did the DNA say to the other DNA? - "Do these genes make me look fat?"

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I failed math so many times at school, I can't even count.

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Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells? Because D shells were too big.

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In high school Robert E. Lee was voted most likely to secede.

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Every morning and night I send my adult kids funny memes, dad jokes, warnings about cats, weird shit, advice, words of encouragement, and other whimsical stuff. Here’s the latest.

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