
whimsicalmind
96996
4278
262

Pretty sure it will die in usersub but I wanted to share with ya’ll my biggest achievement of standin up for myself.
I work for a big organization and I was paired with a guy on a employee professional networking shuffle where every month you get paired with a new person from a different team to connect over coffee or lunch. So this dude happened to hail from the same city as I am and spoke the same language. We met 3 years ago for 30 mins over coffee. You know how women have this instinct when you know something is not right? I always had that feeling with him. He occasionally pinged me on work chat with a hi hello blah blah and i always responded back professionally. One year ago he took our conversation as asking info about roadtrips and ended up talking about him having to piss on the shoulder and mentioned that there were no girls in the roadtrip (I have no idea why he even gave me that info). I was in a hurry to get to a meeting and I shut him up saying I gotta go. Never heard from him until two days ago when he pinged a hi on the office communicator. I didn’t immediately respond but didnt wanna be rude so I responded back today. Two messages of pleasantries exchanged, the dude talks about how he fancies bare breasts. On a friggin work chat.. to someone he barely knew.. I am a child sex abuse survivor, suffered sexual harassment at my first job after college (and i never had the courage to report the manager). Even after years of therapy I couldn’t stop myself from going into panic attack. I was bawling my eyes out. I spoke to a close friend of mine at work and she encouraged me to report this to the HR. I have never been this courageous to stand up for myself on sexual harassment and I am proud I did. I am talking to the HR tomorrow where they are following up my report.
Thank you all for listening to my achievement.
Edit: Thank you my imgur family for the tremendous support. I lean heavily on this community for mental support and healing. For people wondering if I was over reacting, I told the guy that it is inappropriate for him to have said this and closed the chat window. I have never had the courage to even call out someone (forget this guy) in the past if they exhibited inappropriate behavior. unfortunately cannot block people in work chat. That’s after when I decided to go to the HR. I have documented everything as ya’ll have suggested. Wish me luck for my chat with the HR.
Edit 2: I had a chat with the HR rep assigned to my org. I have shared with her all the work chat communications that I have had with the guy not just from yesterday. HR indicated that they will move this anonymously and reach out to the guy. Thank you my Imgur family for the support as always.
MAJ0RW00DY
Rule no 1 gentlemen. And if you just have to, ask her on a date in a proper manner without being a creep whatever the answer is.
CiGr
Sorry you were subjected to this. Those of us who have had to file a complaint understand what you are going through. Sending best wishes
Nekocatz13
InfinitusEquitas
Please please please, keep a copy and record of EVERYTHING. HR is not there to help you. Good luck.
ExcuseMeIAmAnApple
You did good. Imma send you all the positive vibes as this goes on
CrimsonReaper1985
Don’t trust the organization to protect you, it’ll protect itself first. Get your own council if able. Always remember CYA, cover your ass.
AlohomoraButterbeer
Ew! I hope you got a screen shot of that! Also, double check your work has a non retaliation policy and have a lawyer on hand just in case.
DumbShitIsMyTrigger
Done it 3 times, nothing ever happened. One time I got told I "misunderstood" comments about anilingus. Still glad I did it though
DumbShitIsMyTrigger
Fun fact: the first time it happened, a guy pulled me into his lap. Got told I was being "dramatic". The owner was later arrested for -
Iowyn
Save everything. Back it up away/outside of any work associated computers/networks and if HR isn't responsible, go further.
DemonFluffer1000
korkalek
I'll be the bad guy : That seems clearly inappropriate, but also not worth much more than a slap on the wrist from HR so far.
ShtrudelFlush
Yeah, just cause it is strange doesn’t make it harassment, More like being over familiar
pandamonstre
I think that's good enough for now. If he does it again, they'll already have this complaint and can build a case to punish him.
WowSoSparkly
it doesnt matter, OP needs to stand up for herself as principle, and he needs to be reported because he needs to learn social norms exist.
TaterTits
This might be the 3rd slap on the wrist he's received. This shit still needs to be reported in the event of unmitigated trends.
DrKriegersClone
True, but maybe a slap on the wrist will be a lesson to smarten up before he does something worse.
SomeGuyInCanada
Im a man (28), and I had no idea until about 3 years ago how freaking many of my female coworkers deal with this crap daily. Its disgusting.
WowSoSparkly
I can assure you each and every girl / woman you know has her own story(ies) to tell, at work or elsewhere.
SomeGuyInCanada
1/2 I saw a post about HR protecting the company first, true in my experience. But REPORT ALWAYS! Doesnt matter if they are clever... 2/3
SomeGuyInCanada
Some fuckin asshat gets reported enough its gonna stick and the company will cut bait and run!
greach
Good! But record your evidence, a lot of big companies if you bring them a problem it means you are the problem (your not!)
ISeeMusicInYourEyes
Always have a witness to the meeting! Perhaps even advisable to record the meeting (you need to be up front about that). Stand firm.
ThisNameIsNotAboutYou
Sorry for your situation OP. I was stuck in a similar situation last year but never reported as I knew it had an end point. I wish I had tho
Ravenselm
You are 100% right. Report his creepy ass. That being said, protect yourself by keeping screenshots and copies of any and all evidence.
Trastion
But be aware of any rules that can get you terminated for doing something like that. You may have to send them to your attorney instead..
Cucumberclouds
This. Gotta have the evidence.
imemewhatimeme
This is something I also had to do at a previous job. Helps to clear your name of false accusations as well.
MoBullieMom
AND send the copies to your HOME email or download to a thumb drive — DO NOT ONLY KEEP THE RECORD ON A WORK MACHINE. Stuff “goes missing.”
practicallyperfect
Can confirm. Worked in HR (I know, I know) at a place where the Head of IT helped a buddy out by deleting all evidence off the work laptop
Thojira
Keep record for yourself, you never know when you will need it, and if the company will provide it or not.
PlbMak
DON'T trust HR. Get a record of everything said. I have had a successful grievance against HR because I followed this advice.
mawmac
Good for you taking the right step. I work at a high school and girls always say “I didn’t want to be rude” when responding to unwanted and
drmccormick75512
So for anyone that has issues like this in case work chats are stored, use a picture grab tool like Snipping Tool and save it as evidence
drmccormick75512
Meant aren't stored
sesamesnapsinhalf
Make sure you take a picture of the chat and copies of any correspondence for your protection.
MechaNinja
There are just so many questions. Putting aside the obvious ones like "why on work chat?" and "are you sure your relationship has gotten ...
MechaNinja
... to that point with this gal, buddy?" there's "bare breasts as opposed to what?" and "why do you think she wants to know you pissed ..."
MechaNinja
..." the side of the road and how is that a top of conversation anyway?" Man, I just don't get people.
thelastboomer
Remember HR is there to protect the company.
aoipe
Harassers are a liability. This is absolutely their job.
PhailRaptor
In this situation, they would undoubtedly protect the employee. A survivor of sex abuse being sexually abused is a slam dunk lawsuit.
giganticroboticpenguin
Human Resources. In stockholders viewpoints, resources are there to be exploited. HR is there to make sure Humans get exploited.
Starbr1ght
Literally scrolled through the comments hoping someone had already said this, since I'm about 4h behind. This is so true!
Kassimila
So. Inappropriate work conversation, 100%. Report to HR, 100%. Sexual Harassment.....not so much.
TaterTits
https://humanrights.gov.au/our-work/sexual-harassment-workplace-legal-definition-sexual-harassment
TaterTits
We're pretty loose cunts but even we know talking about tits with your colleagues isn't on.
ShtrudelFlush
Yeah, I mean “stick and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me” What he said is strange, but it isn’t harassment
pandamonstre
c'mon with all the mental health awereness out there, I thought people would have forgotten about that saying. Words can hurt deeply!
Zahnradfee
Depends on laws. As far as I'm informed it would count as sexual harrassment here in Germany. Making sexualized comments towards a coworker>
Kassimila
Germans taking things too far? I'm shocked! That's never happened! :) The comment isn't really sexual. More, ironic about masks.
Zahnradfee
falls under this category here.
Zahnradfee
https://www.dw.com/en/you-too-sexual-harassment-in-the-german-workplace/a-41215231
TaterTits
Ditto Oz
SullivansMuff
You rock OP. I'm glad you're trusting your instincts and that you've gotten to a place where you feel you can report this kind of stuff
Raoin
Wait. I'm legit confused. He said he had to relieve himself on the side of the road and that he fancies bare breasts? That's sexual harassme
ShtrudelFlush
It is? Because to be honest while reading this I thought that while this was kind of strange, it doesn’t really classify as harassment.
Raoin
Like he wasent talking about yours? Like he just like tits. Did you tell him that you ain't about that kinda talk? Just straight to HR?
GraeYstaG237
Exactly, i expected he at least tried to touch her for it to qualify as harassment. Women will abuse this power until it loses effect. Think
NickRivieraMD
Yeah, is breasts something you would bring up to a relative stranger of the opposite sex in an irrelevant civilian work context though?
NickRivieraMD
Probs not, and nor would most people. He's probably got a reason for doing that where most people wouldn't.
Raoin
I hope I'm not being rude, the army kinda broke what I consider normal. I'm just trying to get a bearing in what y'all consider inappropriat
noWhiteHorseHereJustBatturuPrinsu
To be fair, in the army the subject of body & physique is somewhat work related. Also many women fear working there because of this culture.
ineedtotalkaboutsomethings
I have a female friend who was abused by a superior and left because when she reported it she was accused of lying. This is common.
Raoin
Yah. It is also very common for a female to abuse the system to try to get special treatment. It's a hot mess last I checked.
thescarby
Talking about which body parts one sexualizes, in a WORK CHAT is pretty inapprop in most places. And talking to the other person instead 1/2
fbastian7
Yes. 100% AND if you talk tobtest kind of guy directly, they may stop harassing you but they will find a new victim who might be less strong
fbastian7
? tobtest = to that
thescarby
Of using HR to mediate can be it’s own punishable offense in many formal workplaces. Companies hate uncontrolled confrontation. 2/2
ShabbalabaDingDong
Id still ask in that work chat if it was appropriate to give them a chance to reflect and apologise. If they don't backpedal then go to HR
Raoin
Whoa that's fucked up. Just.. wow. Welp thanks for explaining it because I had no idea.
EternalSunshineOfTheSpotlessMind
According to one of OPs comments, the guy was essentially making a joke about how, because everyone has to wear masks all the time, kids (1)
EternalSunshineOfTheSpotlessMind
will grow up being attracted to lips in the same way he's attracted to breasts, because they're always covered. Weird? Yeah. (2)
EternalSunshineOfTheSpotlessMind
Inappropriate for work? Probably. But I wouldn't call it harrassment. Dude probably just thought he was making a joke and didn't (3)
EternalSunshineOfTheSpotlessMind
realize how it sounded. (4)
jhackofalltrades
I'm amazed you haven't been downvoted yet.
Ironchefamerica
I bet this isnt his first time being a creep, This might not be screaming sexual harassment, but HR might have dozens of similar complaints.
TaterTits
The "not my intention" excuse is still unacceptable.
CrazierConspiraciesThanTrump
Good job for doing a very challenging thing. As someone who was sexually harassed myself its hard. Luckily my wife's sister likes jail.
DrKriegersClone
wat
colloquy54
Do tell
SirSlurmsMcKenzie
Yea I wanna hear about that as well
PxC4
Sounds like there's a lot more to this story lol
WarBearGrrrrrrr
#OP If you a union join it if you haven’t already, take your rep & don’t have meetings without them, if you can get free legal advice get it
thrane88
its inappropriate behaviour, but sexual harassment? think its a little exaggerated 2 report a persn who might just b awkward w/ females
Jace99
No. People who say that on a WORK chat are not “awkward”, they are straight up creepy. If he’s that immature he should go back to grade 8.
ForTheDumps
Behavior or comments that ought to have been known to be unwelcome is harassment. He crossed a line and will only get a warning. Been there.
alex5775
Telling a woman you barely know at work that you like bare breasts is definitely sexual harassment. There is no reason for that shit in 1/
JoVaLDrawsShittudes
Yeah but that wasn't the whole story but about masks and corona.
textilelover
Talking about what's sexy at work with someone who isn't a good friend is not smart. Just shouldn't do it.
alex5775
The work place. There's a difference between being awkward with women and saying creep shit to them
tallguygreg
But straight to HR? Maybe if she said “that’s inappropriate for work, it makes me uncomfortable” and he continues. 100% straight to jail.
alex5775
Yes straight to HR. He should know better already and situations like this often escalate quickly. Report this behavior immediately
TaterTits
She's already been made to feel uncomfortable, and now she has to put herself in an even worse position to someone who made rude comments?
TaterTits
Yeah nah
goodbyeitwasfunwhileitlasted
Good for you. However, remember that HR is there to protect the company, not always for your benefit. Make sure they don't brush it off or
nevergoingtogiveyouupnevergoingtoletyoudown
Take screens of the harassment just in case.
StapMeVittles
Very true - document absolutely everything. If you have a chat “off the record”, write it down & email it to them to confirm “understanding”
Deathyt
this
PrincessNakedMoleRat
I find what most people think HR is, is actually what you get from a union.
AnAdvancedCaseOfIdioticIdealism
I see this said a lot. HR at every place I've worked has been super supportive and places people over company. Can't have one without people
AnAdvancedCaseOfIdioticIdealism
Also… talk to your union (if you have one). Also you have the right to always have a witness/support in *any* meeting at work about you
BaklavaMatatas
Worked in HR for a major global company. Would advise to go through an anonymous employee hotline rather than HR
kerlkerber
If you work for Whole Foods, you're fucked either way.
greach
Unfortunately when I made a complaint, the city I was working for had the bring me a problem you are the problem approach to these things
WamWam23
HR needs to both have a system in place to report sexual harassment but also address it properly. If they don’t the company becomes (1/
WamWam23
Liable according to the current precedent on sexual harassment and the person could so. So it’s actually in there best interest to help (2/
WamWam23
The person who brings up the harassment unless the want a lawsuit they’ll likely lose on their hands.
mitharas
Thing is... as soon as there's a report, "protecting the company" becomes "serious problems for the guy".
BethWifeEver
I went through HR for a similar issue and it went well. Good on you for following through. That’s shit’s hard.
IMCloseToTheEdge
Do you have personal representiv dept. We have and they help if the HR will not help you. The most importend thing is to have a prove.
TheFishFace
Brushing off sexual harrassment is not good for the company though. Good HR departments will not do that.
RabidDingo
Good point, but having a sexual harasser working for the company is bad. You just have to screen shot the chat to have proof & extra copies.
MADchemEE
"Document everything". Write down ahead of time in preparation for your meeting with HR. It's a good way to make sure you don't forget any…
MADchemEE
…circumstances, events, interactions, etc. Is to easy to get flustered/emotional in the moment and forget to mention something that they…
MADchemEE
…might later challenge because you didn't mention it at the first meeting. HR will have questions for you. Jot them down. It's easier still…
MADchemEE
…if you can record the meeting. If your state (country?) _DOESN'T_ require "two party consent" (Google it), you are free to record it. …
MADchemEE
…Otherwise, inform ("ask") them as you start. Explain its for your records & "documentation purposes" (aka - your protection). Make sure…
goodbyeitwasfunwhileitlasted
"sweep it under the rug". Stand your ground and make sure they actually do something about it.
fbutt09
They ain’t called human remains department for no reason. Most HR do not benefit the employee.
iamwang
I think it stands for human robots not remains
UnnHHhhhHHh
Working in HR, that is a huge liability to keep a sexual harasser. I have definitely fired people for that misconduct. Not all HR is bad.
goodbyeitwasfunwhileitlasted
You're right. Most people who get into HR probably really want to help the people they work with. Still, HR is there to protect the company.
thisiskissel
Can you request minutes of a meeting w/HR to protect yourself? I would. I wonder also if it’s helpful to lawyer-up b4 talking w/ HR.
GuyWithDog
Unpopular opinion: the guy said he likes breasts and it triggered PTSD which is extremely unfortunate for OP, but I don't see the extreme
GuyWithDog
bad he did besides being awkward. Sounds half of imgur could be that guy but knowing how to communicate perfectly
GuyWithDog
I'd wanna see the conversation before going full blown sexual monster mode here. Yes, speak up and go to HR, but don't expect to get the guy
GuyWithDog
crucified over mentioning he likes breasts to a colleague of 3 years. It's overreaching to me, sorry
TheDepressedCommunist
GUYS WE FOUND THE SEXUAL PREDATOR!!!
lupusnyx
And if they do sweep it under the rug, then....what? What do you do? Asking as someone who made a report, and it got swept. No one cared.
Doober12082
Next rung up the ladder... somewhere someone will notice.
lupusnyx
Higher-ups were aware. They didn't care either. The guy was given a slap on the wrist and sent on his way.
goodbyeitwasfunwhileitlasted
If nobody in the company will listen, do some research on your area's laws and contact a lawyer to see if you have a case.
gargoylenipples
That's when you take it to media, as long as you have SOME evidence and consult with a lawyer to make sure you're square
axiomatic
I made an hr complaint. Worst mistake of my career
[deleted]
[deleted]
CommentBot3000
Did your mother drop you on your head because of the meth abuse or the inbreeding?
SeamusRedfern
Tortfeas0r
Not making a complaint bars your claim, this isn’t good advice
Layinginbed
Ditto
Spettel
Same
Bystandr
Depends on how you make the claim and the company, who is in charge, and if management isnt in the abusers corner through nepotism, etc.
Bystandr
Here, OP is clearly in need of intervention, IMO and it is worth risking employment to make the claim, so document EVERYTHING, and built it
Bystandr
like a case you have to win in court. Because you may have to do just that, just in case the process goes off the rails. A consultation with
Bystandr
a lawyer might not be a bad idea, either, though here, it seems via OPs' wording she has confidence its being dealt with. Good luck, OP.
Bigblunt83
Care to elaborate, at least for the benefit that we know what not to do?
Drath101
I have made many in my career. My experience is HR is filled with specialists at talking and little else. They will say anything to shut you
UrinalCarrier
That's why when I reported misconduct, I was sure to include the union rep in the CC. They were strangely diligent...
Nalianna
Similar situation (but not HR related). if i CC ombudsman into emails with politicians, their responses are different, too...
Drath101
Up so that the company doesn't get bad press. But they won't follow through. Alot of "wow, that's terrible, we'll pass that to legal!"
Drath101
And then wait for it to die down. Delay, delay, delay. Bog you down in red tape until you give up, quit or generally go away
fake40nedeso
Those situations are horrible. Coworker complains with HR about line manager. HR informs, w/o telling, line mgmt in all details imaginable
Adderkleet
In almost any EU country, that's a really quick Unfair Dismissal settlement.
fake40nedeso
Sure, but the cause has not been mitigated … settlements are hush-money
fake40nedeso
gets coworker sacked for overstepping boundaries (aka. complaining to HR). When demanding an audit, he then gets escorted out by HR & SEC…