Hope this is the right use of the meme

Oct 23, 2020 4:37 AM

whimsicalmind

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Pretty sure it will die in usersub but I wanted to share with ya’ll my biggest achievement of standin up for myself.

I work for a big organization and I was paired with a guy on a employee professional networking shuffle where every month you get paired with a new person from a different team to connect over coffee or lunch. So this dude happened to hail from the same city as I am and spoke the same language. We met 3 years ago for 30 mins over coffee. You know how women have this instinct when you know something is not right? I always had that feeling with him. He occasionally pinged me on work chat with a hi hello blah blah and i always responded back professionally. One year ago he took our conversation as asking info about roadtrips and ended up talking about him having to piss on the shoulder and mentioned that there were no girls in the roadtrip (I have no idea why he even gave me that info). I was in a hurry to get to a meeting and I shut him up saying I gotta go. Never heard from him until two days ago when he pinged a hi on the office communicator. I didn’t immediately respond but didnt wanna be rude so I responded back today. Two messages of pleasantries exchanged, the dude talks about how he fancies bare breasts. On a friggin work chat.. to someone he barely knew.. I am a child sex abuse survivor, suffered sexual harassment at my first job after college (and i never had the courage to report the manager). Even after years of therapy I couldn’t stop myself from going into panic attack. I was bawling my eyes out. I spoke to a close friend of mine at work and she encouraged me to report this to the HR. I have never been this courageous to stand up for myself on sexual harassment and I am proud I did. I am talking to the HR tomorrow where they are following up my report.

Thank you all for listening to my achievement.

Edit: Thank you my imgur family for the tremendous support. I lean heavily on this community for mental support and healing. For people wondering if I was over reacting, I told the guy that it is inappropriate for him to have said this and closed the chat window. I have never had the courage to even call out someone (forget this guy) in the past if they exhibited inappropriate behavior. unfortunately cannot block people in work chat. That’s after when I decided to go to the HR. I have documented everything as ya’ll have suggested. Wish me luck for my chat with the HR.

Edit 2: I had a chat with the HR rep assigned to my org. I have shared with her all the work chat communications that I have had with the guy not just from yesterday. HR indicated that they will move this anonymously and reach out to the guy. Thank you my Imgur family for the support as always.

Rule no 1 gentlemen. And if you just have to, ask her on a date in a proper manner without being a creep whatever the answer is.

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

Sorry you were subjected to this. Those of us who have had to file a complaint understand what you are going through. Sending best wishes

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

sorry to hear that OP +1

5 years ago | Likes 81 Dislikes 5

Please please please, keep a copy and record of EVERYTHING. HR is not there to help you. Good luck.

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

You did good. Imma send you all the positive vibes as this goes on

5 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 3

Don’t trust the organization to protect you, it’ll protect itself first. Get your own council if able. Always remember CYA, cover your ass.

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 1

Ew! I hope you got a screen shot of that! Also, double check your work has a non retaliation policy and have a lawyer on hand just in case.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Done it 3 times, nothing ever happened. One time I got told I "misunderstood" comments about anilingus. Still glad I did it though

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 1

Fun fact: the first time it happened, a guy pulled me into his lap. Got told I was being "dramatic". The owner was later arrested for -

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 1

Save everything. Back it up away/outside of any work associated computers/networks and if HR isn't responsible, go further.

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

I'll be the bad guy : That seems clearly inappropriate, but also not worth much more than a slap on the wrist from HR so far.

5 years ago | Likes 29 Dislikes 8

Yeah, just cause it is strange doesn’t make it harassment, More like being over familiar

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 11

I think that's good enough for now. If he does it again, they'll already have this complaint and can build a case to punish him.

5 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

it doesnt matter, OP needs to stand up for herself as principle, and he needs to be reported because he needs to learn social norms exist.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

This might be the 3rd slap on the wrist he's received. This shit still needs to be reported in the event of unmitigated trends.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

True, but maybe a slap on the wrist will be a lesson to smarten up before he does something worse.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Im a man (28), and I had no idea until about 3 years ago how freaking many of my female coworkers deal with this crap daily. Its disgusting.

5 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 0

I can assure you each and every girl / woman you know has her own story(ies) to tell, at work or elsewhere.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

1/2 I saw a post about HR protecting the company first, true in my experience. But REPORT ALWAYS! Doesnt matter if they are clever... 2/3

5 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Some fuckin asshat gets reported enough its gonna stick and the company will cut bait and run!

5 years ago | Likes 13 Dislikes 0

Good! But record your evidence, a lot of big companies if you bring them a problem it means you are the problem (your not!)

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Always have a witness to the meeting! Perhaps even advisable to record the meeting (you need to be up front about that). Stand firm.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Sorry for your situation OP. I was stuck in a similar situation last year but never reported as I knew it had an end point. I wish I had tho

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

You are 100% right. Report his creepy ass. That being said, protect yourself by keeping screenshots and copies of any and all evidence.

5 years ago | Likes 521 Dislikes 8

But be aware of any rules that can get you terminated for doing something like that. You may have to send them to your attorney instead..

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

This. Gotta have the evidence.

5 years ago | Likes 36 Dislikes 1

This is something I also had to do at a previous job. Helps to clear your name of false accusations as well.

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

AND send the copies to your HOME email or download to a thumb drive — DO NOT ONLY KEEP THE RECORD ON A WORK MACHINE. Stuff “goes missing.”

5 years ago | Likes 89 Dislikes 1

Can confirm. Worked in HR (I know, I know) at a place where the Head of IT helped a buddy out by deleting all evidence off the work laptop

5 years ago | Likes 29 Dislikes 0

Keep record for yourself, you never know when you will need it, and if the company will provide it or not.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

DON'T trust HR. Get a record of everything said. I have had a successful grievance against HR because I followed this advice.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Good for you taking the right step. I work at a high school and girls always say “I didn’t want to be rude” when responding to unwanted and

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 2

So for anyone that has issues like this in case work chats are stored, use a picture grab tool like Snipping Tool and save it as evidence

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 1

Meant aren't stored

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Make sure you take a picture of the chat and copies of any correspondence for your protection.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

There are just so many questions. Putting aside the obvious ones like "why on work chat?" and "are you sure your relationship has gotten ...

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

... to that point with this gal, buddy?" there's "bare breasts as opposed to what?" and "why do you think she wants to know you pissed ..."

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

..." the side of the road and how is that a top of conversation anyway?" Man, I just don't get people.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Remember HR is there to protect the company.

5 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 5

Harassers are a liability. This is absolutely their job.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

In this situation, they would undoubtedly protect the employee. A survivor of sex abuse being sexually abused is a slam dunk lawsuit.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Human Resources. In stockholders viewpoints, resources are there to be exploited. HR is there to make sure Humans get exploited.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Literally scrolled through the comments hoping someone had already said this, since I'm about 4h behind. This is so true!

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

So. Inappropriate work conversation, 100%. Report to HR, 100%. Sexual Harassment.....not so much.

5 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 9

We're pretty loose cunts but even we know talking about tits with your colleagues isn't on.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Yeah, I mean “stick and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me” What he said is strange, but it isn’t harassment

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 6

c'mon with all the mental health awereness out there, I thought people would have forgotten about that saying. Words can hurt deeply!

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

Depends on laws. As far as I'm informed it would count as sexual harrassment here in Germany. Making sexualized comments towards a coworker>

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Germans taking things too far? I'm shocked! That's never happened! :) The comment isn't really sexual. More, ironic about masks.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 3

falls under this category here.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

You rock OP. I'm glad you're trusting your instincts and that you've gotten to a place where you feel you can report this kind of stuff

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

Wait. I'm legit confused. He said he had to relieve himself on the side of the road and that he fancies bare breasts? That's sexual harassme

5 years ago | Likes 31 Dislikes 7

It is? Because to be honest while reading this I thought that while this was kind of strange, it doesn’t really classify as harassment.

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 5

Like he wasent talking about yours? Like he just like tits. Did you tell him that you ain't about that kinda talk? Just straight to HR?

5 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 19

Exactly, i expected he at least tried to touch her for it to qualify as harassment. Women will abuse this power until it loses effect. Think

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 22

Yeah, is breasts something you would bring up to a relative stranger of the opposite sex in an irrelevant civilian work context though?

5 years ago | Likes 16 Dislikes 2

Probs not, and nor would most people. He's probably got a reason for doing that where most people wouldn't.

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 1

I hope I'm not being rude, the army kinda broke what I consider normal. I'm just trying to get a bearing in what y'all consider inappropriat

5 years ago | Likes 22 Dislikes 11

To be fair, in the army the subject of body & physique is somewhat work related. Also many women fear working there because of this culture.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

I have a female friend who was abused by a superior and left because when she reported it she was accused of lying. This is common.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yah. It is also very common for a female to abuse the system to try to get special treatment. It's a hot mess last I checked.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Talking about which body parts one sexualizes, in a WORK CHAT is pretty inapprop in most places. And talking to the other person instead 1/2

5 years ago | Likes 41 Dislikes 2

Yes. 100% AND if you talk tobtest kind of guy directly, they may stop harassing you but they will find a new victim who might be less strong

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

? tobtest = to that

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Of using HR to mediate can be it’s own punishable offense in many formal workplaces. Companies hate uncontrolled confrontation. 2/2

5 years ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 2

Id still ask in that work chat if it was appropriate to give them a chance to reflect and apologise. If they don't backpedal then go to HR

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 7

Whoa that's fucked up. Just.. wow. Welp thanks for explaining it because I had no idea.

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 4

According to one of OPs comments, the guy was essentially making a joke about how, because everyone has to wear masks all the time, kids (1)

5 years ago | Likes 25 Dislikes 4

will grow up being attracted to lips in the same way he's attracted to breasts, because they're always covered. Weird? Yeah. (2)

5 years ago | Likes 23 Dislikes 4

Inappropriate for work? Probably. But I wouldn't call it harrassment. Dude probably just thought he was making a joke and didn't (3)

5 years ago | Likes 27 Dislikes 12

realize how it sounded. (4)

5 years ago | Likes 26 Dislikes 10

I'm amazed you haven't been downvoted yet.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 7

I bet this isnt his first time being a creep, This might not be screaming sexual harassment, but HR might have dozens of similar complaints.

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 1

The "not my intention" excuse is still unacceptable.

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Good job for doing a very challenging thing. As someone who was sexually harassed myself its hard. Luckily my wife's sister likes jail.

5 years ago | Likes 21 Dislikes 2

wat

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Do tell

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Yea I wanna hear about that as well

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Sounds like there's a lot more to this story lol

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

#OP If you a union join it if you haven’t already, take your rep & don’t have meetings without them, if you can get free legal advice get it

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

its inappropriate behaviour, but sexual harassment? think its a little exaggerated 2 report a persn who might just b awkward w/ females

5 years ago | Likes 32 Dislikes 15

No. People who say that on a WORK chat are not “awkward”, they are straight up creepy. If he’s that immature he should go back to grade 8.

5 years ago | Likes 20 Dislikes 3

Behavior or comments that ought to have been known to be unwelcome is harassment. He crossed a line and will only get a warning. Been there.

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

Telling a woman you barely know at work that you like bare breasts is definitely sexual harassment. There is no reason for that shit in 1/

5 years ago | Likes 18 Dislikes 4

Yeah but that wasn't the whole story but about masks and corona.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 2

Talking about what's sexy at work with someone who isn't a good friend is not smart. Just shouldn't do it.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

The work place. There's a difference between being awkward with women and saying creep shit to them

5 years ago | Likes 15 Dislikes 1

But straight to HR? Maybe if she said “that’s inappropriate for work, it makes me uncomfortable” and he continues. 100% straight to jail.

5 years ago | Likes 7 Dislikes 9

Yes straight to HR. He should know better already and situations like this often escalate quickly. Report this behavior immediately

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 4

She's already been made to feel uncomfortable, and now she has to put herself in an even worse position to someone who made rude comments?

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Yeah nah

4 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Good for you. However, remember that HR is there to protect the company, not always for your benefit. Make sure they don't brush it off or

5 years ago | Likes 1638 Dislikes 19

Take screens of the harassment just in case.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 1

Very true - document absolutely everything. If you have a chat “off the record”, write it down & email it to them to confirm “understanding”

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

this

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

I find what most people think HR is, is actually what you get from a union.

5 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 0

I see this said a lot. HR at every place I've worked has been super supportive and places people over company. Can't have one without people

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 1

Also… talk to your union (if you have one). Also you have the right to always have a witness/support in *any* meeting at work about you

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Worked in HR for a major global company. Would advise to go through an anonymous employee hotline rather than HR

5 years ago | Likes 75 Dislikes 0

If you work for Whole Foods, you're fucked either way.

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Unfortunately when I made a complaint, the city I was working for had the bring me a problem you are the problem approach to these things

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

HR needs to both have a system in place to report sexual harassment but also address it properly. If they don’t the company becomes (1/

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

Liable according to the current precedent on sexual harassment and the person could so. So it’s actually in there best interest to help (2/

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

The person who brings up the harassment unless the want a lawsuit they’ll likely lose on their hands.

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Thing is... as soon as there's a report, "protecting the company" becomes "serious problems for the guy".

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I went through HR for a similar issue and it went well. Good on you for following through. That’s shit’s hard.

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

Do you have personal representiv dept. We have and they help if the HR will not help you. The most importend thing is to have a prove.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Brushing off sexual harrassment is not good for the company though. Good HR departments will not do that.

5 years ago | Likes 17 Dislikes 2

Good point, but having a sexual harasser working for the company is bad. You just have to screen shot the chat to have proof & extra copies.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

"Document everything". Write down ahead of time in preparation for your meeting with HR. It's a good way to make sure you don't forget any…

5 years ago | Likes 24 Dislikes 0

…circumstances, events, interactions, etc. Is to easy to get flustered/emotional in the moment and forget to mention something that they…

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 0

…might later challenge because you didn't mention it at the first meeting. HR will have questions for you. Jot them down. It's easier still…

5 years ago | Likes 8 Dislikes 0

…if you can record the meeting. If your state (country?) _DOESN'T_ require "two party consent" (Google it), you are free to record it. …

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 0

…Otherwise, inform ("ask") them as you start. Explain its for your records & "documentation purposes" (aka - your protection). Make sure…

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

"sweep it under the rug". Stand your ground and make sure they actually do something about it.

5 years ago | Likes 547 Dislikes 2

They ain’t called human remains department for no reason. Most HR do not benefit the employee.

5 years ago | Likes 50 Dislikes 0

I think it stands for human robots not remains

5 years ago | Likes 5 Dislikes 0

Working in HR, that is a huge liability to keep a sexual harasser. I have definitely fired people for that misconduct. Not all HR is bad.

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 0

You're right. Most people who get into HR probably really want to help the people they work with. Still, HR is there to protect the company.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Can you request minutes of a meeting w/HR to protect yourself? I would. I wonder also if it’s helpful to lawyer-up b4 talking w/ HR.

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Unpopular opinion: the guy said he likes breasts and it triggered PTSD which is extremely unfortunate for OP, but I don't see the extreme

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 85

bad he did besides being awkward. Sounds half of imgur could be that guy but knowing how to communicate perfectly

5 years ago | Likes 9 Dislikes 81

I'd wanna see the conversation before going full blown sexual monster mode here. Yes, speak up and go to HR, but don't expect to get the guy

5 years ago | Likes 12 Dislikes 78

crucified over mentioning he likes breasts to a colleague of 3 years. It's overreaching to me, sorry

5 years ago | Likes 10 Dislikes 71

GUYS WE FOUND THE SEXUAL PREDATOR!!!

5 years ago | Likes 6 Dislikes 1

And if they do sweep it under the rug, then....what? What do you do? Asking as someone who made a report, and it got swept. No one cared.

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Next rung up the ladder... somewhere someone will notice.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Higher-ups were aware. They didn't care either. The guy was given a slap on the wrist and sent on his way.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

If nobody in the company will listen, do some research on your area's laws and contact a lawyer to see if you have a case.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

That's when you take it to media, as long as you have SOME evidence and consult with a lawyer to make sure you're square

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

I made an hr complaint. Worst mistake of my career

5 years ago | Likes 66 Dislikes 6

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5 years ago (deleted Oct 23, 2020 9:48 AM) | Likes 0 Dislikes 0

Did your mother drop you on your head because of the meth abuse or the inbreeding?

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 1

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Not making a complaint bars your claim, this isn’t good advice

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0

Ditto

5 years ago | Likes 3 Dislikes 0

Same

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Depends on how you make the claim and the company, who is in charge, and if management isnt in the abusers corner through nepotism, etc.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Here, OP is clearly in need of intervention, IMO and it is worth risking employment to make the claim, so document EVERYTHING, and built it

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

like a case you have to win in court. Because you may have to do just that, just in case the process goes off the rails. A consultation with

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

a lawyer might not be a bad idea, either, though here, it seems via OPs' wording she has confidence its being dealt with. Good luck, OP.

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

Care to elaborate, at least for the benefit that we know what not to do?

5 years ago | Likes 44 Dislikes 0

I have made many in my career. My experience is HR is filled with specialists at talking and little else. They will say anything to shut you

5 years ago | Likes 31 Dislikes 1

That's why when I reported misconduct, I was sure to include the union rep in the CC. They were strangely diligent...

5 years ago | Likes 11 Dislikes 0

Similar situation (but not HR related). if i CC ombudsman into emails with politicians, their responses are different, too...

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Up so that the company doesn't get bad press. But they won't follow through. Alot of "wow, that's terrible, we'll pass that to legal!"

5 years ago | Likes 31 Dislikes 0

And then wait for it to die down. Delay, delay, delay. Bog you down in red tape until you give up, quit or generally go away

5 years ago | Likes 28 Dislikes 0

Those situations are horrible. Coworker complains with HR about line manager. HR informs, w/o telling, line mgmt in all details imaginable

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

In almost any EU country, that's a really quick Unfair Dismissal settlement.

5 years ago | Likes 2 Dislikes 0

Sure, but the cause has not been mitigated … settlements are hush-money

5 years ago | Likes 1 Dislikes 0

gets coworker sacked for overstepping boundaries (aka. complaining to HR). When demanding an audit, he then gets escorted out by HR & SEC…

5 years ago | Likes 4 Dislikes 0