TheBiggestAsshat
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The future generations will hail him as the hero that saved us all.
Sep 15, 2014 7:40 PM
TheBiggestAsshat
7963
9644
106
Captainplanetmotherfucker
Someone get this man the Nobel prize.
wambu
I was led to believe that people were not buried with their shoes on.
imgurprocrastinator
This.. this is my hero.
JNapier
It aint much, but i will appreciate it!
trocarsandbutterflies
As a funeral director/embalmer, i fucking hate this guy.
SmerkBich
Why?
TheDepartmentOfMilitarySciences
Coming this Judgement Day: the Benny Hill apocalypse
stygiansojourn
www.youtube.com/watch?v=MK6TXMsvgQg
ImCoveredInBees
The syntax. That's the real zombie apocalypse.
TheFantasticJurassic
The Tripping Dead
jsnen
I need to put this in my will.
Gucky
not all heroes wear a cape
namelesscynic
No, that's vampires
truegearhead
No capes!
ian9outof10
Love reading this in her voice.
WhereTheWildGooseGoes
Unless you're Batman. Batman totally gets a pass on the no capes edict.
AlmightyMurloc
Do you remember thunderhead?
NeverTrustAWombat
Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids.
copingcabana
Bitch, I might!
Tomkatie
http://i.imgur.com/W6ICuj0 Not a lot do.
kennypowersMFCEO
You're the real hero
ShovelWareHouse
I'd like to be buried in roller skates so that should I return as a zombie, I have an advantage.
FeckItImAubreyPlazaNow
I think a commercial did that already. Now if only I could remember which one.
TheBiggestAsshat
The future generations will hail you as Satan.
TheMonsterWithinYou
Hahaha I laughed at the image in my mind of a zombie in roller blades. Then even harder when I imagined said zombie with horns and a tail
FatElvisWasBest
Yes, you would have a job at Sonic
morganb211
Hahaha I'm crying right now
morganb211
MANNNNNNNNNN these comments are killing me
MyPornNameisVitaminD
a zombie!
21cutdryguy
I'm fairly certain that the funeral home I work at would accept that request
LMNOParis
Now I need to have a film short created with a zombie on quads rollerdancing down the street while everyone waves and he points back
fantasyprone
I have a roller derby league, this could happen
LMNOParis
Well, we DO have Halloween coming up also...
Skelezombiewolfensteinmonsteresquirethethird
Ooh please do this.
TinyLiehon
You remind me of that one zombie in High School of the Dead that was wearing a motor cycle helmet when he got infected.
BelfryBats
That is brilliant, and reminds me that people used to bury suspected vampires face down so they would have trouble escaping.
[deleted]
[deleted]
BelfryBats
How well a post does can be heavily based on timing. A good post at a bad time won't do so well.
CanadaIsMyHat
Lmao, "your problem now, China"
iamireland
I'm calling bullshit.
Tzaot
*awakens* "Oh grrread, they buurried mey upshite down. Now all my trrransplanar forrcesh of evil, commanding shadows and death are useless."
AssamLaksa
Oh no, some in my country bury the dead standing up and wrapped up in cloth. Do you think they can tear off the cloth?
rossimus
They found that the people who burried her hundreds of years ago placed a huge stone slab on her coffin. Just in case.
qussow
The steak through the heart was originally to pin them to the ground.
Litten
Stake or steak. :o I like the second one even though it's equally bad for my heart.
Jester123ish
It would stop them making a stake out of you.
UnpopularOpinionPuffinPersonified
Your misuse of homophones now has me laughing at a piece of meat ammed in a vampire's chest.
SherMattLockSmith
Well, not the ground, inside a coffin with graveyard soil.
qussow
Neat. I expected this comment to be correcting my spelling of steak to stake, to be honest.
SherMattLockSmith
(At least that was the plot line in one of the original silent films with vampires.)
poopadocduvalier
Rock Hudson...anybody?
TasslehoffBurrfoot
won't they notice they're face first due to gravity, or is it implied upon resurrection they'd suddenly float back against the lid?
VerticalInfinity
Do you see any vampires? Sounds like it works.
Inchpunch
For idiots that thought vampires were legitimate danger, that's pretty ingenious.
Satanslittlechariotsoffailedpotential
Big difference between simple ignorance and actual lack of intellect. Some of the smartest people in history were completely un-schooled.
FeckItImAubreyPlazaNow
Actually...I'm pretty sure there was an outbreak of rabies when the tales of vampires started circulating, so to simple village folk (1/2)
FeckItImAubreyPlazaNow
they were quite real. Not to mention people got mistaken for dead and buried alive all the time. (2/2)
Exploderizer
Is it any more ridiculous than our fanaticism of zombies/the undead
Jester123ish
Words of wisdom here people!
raff4669
Buffy would never have gotten off the ground!
JosephDunaravich
Does everyone still bury the dead with coins in their eyes or shoes, or just us?
CaptMacLeod
Not everyone has bus-fare anymore. 'Tis sad. On the prior note, why do you think headstones became popular?
iamthisguy247
Must be working, I haven't been hearing about vampires escaping their graves as much lately.
ifigetloggedoutofimguriwillprobablynotbeabletologinagain
They also put bricks in their mouth to stop any "biting".
TheDarkLordOfTrees
Damn vamps...
BelfryBats
Which might be after they cut off their heads and/or stuffed them full of garlic and other herbs.
aShogunNamedMarcus
11 herbs and spices
DeadGodJess
We're they preparing them for burial or roasting?
thatanonymoususer
Broasted takes on a whole new meaning.
BelfryBats
The herbs were used for their purifying properties and the garlic was thought to repel the undead.
DeadGodJess
I'm assuming the joke took a completely different route from you.
iamireland
I call bullshit.
ifigetloggedoutofimguriwillprobablynotbeabletologinagain
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2153307/Vampires-Venice-Bricks-bones-scared-Medieval-world-undead.html
iamireland
There's SO much wrong with that article. Hair doesn't grow after death. Vampire mythos hadn't reached Venice by that time. No sources cited.
ifigetloggedoutofimguriwillprobablynotbeabletologinagain
This isnt an article that is news, because it was already known. Just do your own research on it and you'll find it to be quite interesting.
ifigetloggedoutofimguriwillprobablynotbeabletologinagain
already been scientifically proven to have just been an after effect of death and not any actual vampire activity happening.(2/2)
ifigetloggedoutofimguriwillprobablynotbeabletologinagain
I should also note that it had nothing to do with the mythos, it had everything to do with the dead leaking from their teeth, which has(1/2)
TheMonsterWithinYou
I'm a little confused...how is putting them face down going to work?
iamthisguy247
They are left exposed from Frankenstein butt-sexings.
TheFrumpyButler
"No, no, no. Dig up, stupid"
oneoldman
Because really deep sleepers/drunks/etc stuck face down will often suffocate from their own weight (why EMS doesn't tie people face down)
ItsSneakyAdolf
A.) because it's going to be hard to reorient yourself while in a coffin. B.) because they will expect to be facing up and dig 1/2
eggmuffin
The logical conclusion is that the American Midwest will be flooded by the Indian Ocean.
howjom
towards Australia 2/2
fhgurlie3000
Flipping yourself around would be annoying but wouldn't you be able to tell you were buried facing down because of gravity?
Jashon
You would be able to tell. However flipping around would be impossible.
ItsSneakyAdolf
in the direction they are facing, they will wind up digging themselves deeper down.
DrBlackMiami
Your logic is flawless
IanMVB
No, dig UP stupid!
Scirus
The dirt would just keep filling in around them, your logic is flawed
blmcdonald
The hell kind of gravity are you dealing with that you can't tell the different between laying on your back or your face?
docawesome
That shit happens to divers in the dark, I think returning to life might be a bit disorienting
EchoOfSnac
It is possibly similar to how people buried by an avalanche have trouble with determining their orientation.
bilbobaggyballs
That's a big problem for people caught in avalanches, they can end up digging the wrong way
marquisdechocula
It's well established that vestibular system function is impaired in dead people
ItsSneakyAdolf
The same kind that has people so disoriented during avalanches, that they wind up digging down to their death instead of up
ScaleScentedAnalDildo
See point A. Coffins are wide and shallow, no space to turn over, the only way to dig is straight ahead.
Zephronias
Vampire gravity.
Flyndaran
Rotting meat gaining movement isn't a problem. Them having poor sense of proprioception is?
Tzaot
You must see the world was a disc back then, gravity was a mere theory and theories are witchcraft.
rossimus
In old Bohemia, there was a princess who every suspected of being a vampire. A documentary crew just got permission to investigate her tomb
BelfryBats
That sounds like it could be very interesting.
SherMattLockSmith
Did you know that the "Stake through the heart" was not to kill them, but to pin them inside a coffin filled with graveyard soil.
poisonivybaby11
They also put crosses on the boss and had them blessed
BelfryBats
Yes. The best thing to do was to burn them to ash and spread the ashes over different bodies of water.
Angatita
Everyone knows you have to chop off the head. Common' guys.
howjom
Yes, because that comment has more points than yours
SherMattLockSmith
Ground != coffin with graveyard soil....
SherMattLockSmith
Vampires had coffins with the dirt from their grave in it, as they had to "return to their native soil" during the day, so they took 1/?
SherMattLockSmith
2/? The soil with them to travel. To banish a vampire you consecrated the soil and when they returned in the morning to sleep, ambush them
SherMattLockSmith
3/? and drive a stake through their heart pinning them to the consecrated soil (sometimes with communion wafers) inside the coffin.
thescarydude
I think you're confused. It is done so vampires can do some pushups and get muscles in case they weren't strong enough to break out.
vulturelad
I hear vampires still won't do CROSS-fit! Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Tip your waitress.
FatElvisWasBest
Seems like garlic and silver would work better? Maybe..? I dunno
DeathMach2
There's a.comic or something where vampires don't die from garlic, they just don't like it
FatElvisWasBest
I dont like it, and Im not even a Vampire. I dont blame em.
iamireland
That's really common for vampire mythos, it's generally considered repellent to them because of the strong smell.
dmf81
Manga / Anime called Karin
DeathMach2
cheers, was only told about it, not what it was called
heathyboyj
silver is for werewolves. Garlic, crucifixes, holy water, sunlight and Granny Weatherwax for vampires.
Canadianredditor17
I've heard the idea of silver killing werewolves is relatively recent. About the 30's.
LupusYonderboy
Though I recommend Nanny when dealing with dwarves.
iamireland
Silver for vampires, because that's... like basic vampire lore. C'mon man.
Protean2648
You forgot regular running water. Vampires can't cross it for some obscure reason.
LupusYonderboy
Silver is also for vampires (depending on lore, of course). Granny is good for many things, fairies among them.
FatElvisWasBest
So, then bury them with all of these thingses that you referred to?...Maybe?
IJUSTMADETHEVOICEINYOURHEADYELL
THOSE ARTIFACTS ARE JUST THE CONDUIT, THE REAL POWER COMES FROM THE PERSON.