notSinceTheIncident
149694
5468
44
I'm assuming it's a guy. Dunno if that makes me sexist...
Aug 11, 2022 6:54 AM
notSinceTheIncident
149694
5468
44
I'm assuming it's a guy. Dunno if that makes me sexist...
lovingspace
Sounds like a great way to give yourself hemorrhoids, doesn't it?
drunkbs
Ew... 'bog fluid'??
ThreeDimesDown
That happened to me last year. Ugh.
WonderfunkJones
I don't know whether to laugh or cry
vowofloudness
If you take fiber supplements (psyllium husk) your poop sort of gels and preserves the shape and even some of the turns of your bowel.
vowofloudness
Source: I am old.
davescifi1350
So many technical terms, I'm gonna need one of them word books
4thwalled
LiillooDallasMultipass
Quality shitpost
4thwalled
ThanosTheGreat
The smiley face at the end really makes this worth reading. Just so much passion and knowledge in that whole paragraph.
HalfPintKatie
Knew a dude who drove the butt cam. Some gross stories!
LatrineUsedToBeShitHouse
I think "nurse" made me read it in a female voice. Guess I'm sexist too.
slackboy722000
coothlesscthulhu
Think I held it too long, gape is not going away.
Kragevalgt
Holding it til its hard causes fissures kids. If your bum feels lightly toasted for a while after its too late.
whataluckygoldfish
Really? Holding causes fissures??
Kragevalgt
https://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/anal-fissure-causes
whataluckygoldfish
Thank you!
Kragevalgt
Np! No one wants to find out the other way.
Dolenmorgul
so graphic
ElBarbu
Why yes, I do read the tags
NYC2BrklynCubz
laisametschbaetzlaondsoidawirschd
A shitpost, teaching the basics here.
spinballwizardmtg
Quality shitpost
NotADutchman
Shitposting 101 indeed!
Aforaseem
I'm sleepy, and read it as Rock hard Trump... Not that far off
chaylar
As a person with anal fissures, DO NOT HOLD IT IN LONGER TO MAKE IT HARDER!
PhustrKluk
I've been impacted multiple times. This person speaks the true true. Longest without going was nearly a month. I would gladly choose death.
chaylar
A month?! Holy hell! I tore myself a new asshole after just a week. And I thought I was gonna have a stroke trying to pass it.
PhustrKluk
I would end up in the hospital for a week to two at a time. Gastro tube to force Golytely into the system. I have a "distended" colon now.
chaylar
fun times. atleast its out now.
Mavgurian
It once happened by itself for me - during it felt like it would never come out ever again - after it was a feeling of bliss, fh it's over!
ilhares
There've been a couple times in my life where I just had to know what had exited me and took a look. "There's no damn way..." Yowch.
chaylar
Giant turd and a bunch of blood is never what you wanna see in the bowl. PSA: drink more water.
ilhares
At my age, blood isn't all that uncommon even with a lot of water intake. And yes, I've been to see my doctors about it.
AManisNotACamel
Fun fact: shit is tapered so you’re arsehole doesn’t slam shut!
astrangehop
Mine makes the door closing sound from Aol instant messenger
solopeace
Mine used to sound like a rubber band being popped on a wrist, now it’s more like mucus covered balogna flapping in the wind.
DaskIpsa
:(
blainetog
Ruik
FelixG
Need to upgrade yo, get that minecraft door closing sound installed.
Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvtttt
So pretty much what happens when u get constipated and it feels like your trying to shit out a mountain
mgfk
Give anal birth to Dwayne the Rock Johnson
johnnyhandbags
That's when it's important to have a poop knife handy
onlyheretoargue
When you say the word "poop" your mouth makes the same motion that your butthole does when you actually poop.
sirfanciesadrought
Haha yeah. A lot of other words are also pronounced as the sound. Also many words think a negative connotation sound that way & visa versa.
onlyheretoargue
The same can be said for the phrase "explosive diarrhea".
blainetog
I suppose, in a, "million monkeys at a million typewriters," kind of way.
solopeace
While funny, I think it’s prolly more accurate to say that it looks like a blowup dolls mouth.
JCBalance
More like
jtthemediocre
madcatii
Bukulu
A heckin' chonker
CorgisButtsDriveMeNuts
Ah, I see, she works in a zoo
JaxJamesTheTenaciousTurtle
Yooo I can almost imagine how relieving it must have been to have finally shit that out
Toffeeaccident
morphine will do that I guess
ScienceChub
God no joke, though
r0twhylr
lonosham
Browsed the comments to see this exact post. Bravo
madcatii
I never miss an opportunity to post this. It fascinates me.
nokahn
Hou know someone is going to be feeling better.
Nykidemus
dear god
DaskIpsa
god doesn't live in man made temples
TemetNosce000
The human anus can stretch up to 7.5” wide. A raccoon can squeeze through a hole as small a 4”.
ImOnlyOutOnTheInternet
Oh I can fit wider up there...I uh...I mean...7.5" you say? Fascinating.
happywalker
these are the comments you make time for :-P
ItHappenedInThe20thCentury
Were that picture real, that would be a HUGE watch.
L0rdinquisit0r
Glass jar guy
sirfanciesadrought
So, 2 thin raccoons, you say?
Onsvaltti
Reminds me of how in "You, me and Irene" they wondered if an egg fit inside guys ass, ended up putting a chicken's head in there.
Onsvaltti
https://youtu.be/pH-fR9InxAE and yes I found the scene.
cantbelievethisisstillavailable
I'll take "Things I Can't Unsee" for $1000, Alex.
sebastianthelobster
Imagine how the nurse feels!
notSinceTheIncident
cantbelievethisisstillavailable
Fuck I love Brian Cox! RABBIT!!
AccountCreatedToUpvoteDogs
I could feel that description and was clenching uncomfortably.
OnePieceRoboFranky
DillPixels
Reminds me of the time when I was like 14 and was constipated and shit a nerf football out. Had to dissolve a bit before flushing.
DillPixels
Wish I'd had a poop knife.
starkiller34
Hah. I assumed its a female nurse. Dont know why. Maybe I associate nurses with females more.. but I associate poop with males...
ilhares
I'm fairly certain that women make up the majority of nursing staff (at least in the US), so it's not an unreasonable assumption.
tyrsfavoritesword
There's more male nurses now and the numbers are gradually getting more equal. About 1/3 at my hospital are male nurses.
ilhares
They may be increasing, but according to Google's latest numbers, the US ratio is still 9.5 females to 1 male, vs 19 to 1, like it was.
ilhares
*clarification: Google's top reference for numbers, which admittedly was dated 5 years ago.
tyrsfavoritesword
Yup and still trending upwards. It probably won't hit even but there's alot more now.
starkiller34
Honestly i was mostly making a poop joke.
ThongsAreFootwear
I happen to know my butthole is a triangle shape because my poops always look like a shiny Toblerone
professortim7
Does it have the little separate portion sections and dehydrated fruit?
whataluckygoldfish
I like this nurse. Informative and has a sense of humour!!
PicassoCT
Light the mood, unclenches the hood
TheDrunkenWrench
Spouse is a nurse, I've partied with her co-workers. The majority of them are like this.
Deoxyribonucleicacidwashedgenes
Some jobs you need a sense of humour to make it through, and this nurse has seen some shit.
plainoldfool
I'm married to a nurse. This is a common trait in the profession.
Dogsarethebestever
Jamerperson
I think most nurses have a sense of humor. They just have to be extremely careful with who they share it with while working.
YesmynameisGreg
I blame my ICU nurse mom for my belief that humor has no "line". (when it comes to "appropriate" not in using humor to hurt people).
squelcheswetly
Most nurses I know are freaks. In a good way.
Demmayyy
We had a very humorous “if it last longer than 4 hours call your doctor” chat today during report which was funny AND appropriate :) -RN
Trekahn
^This. When you deal with serious illness/injury and death/dying on a daily basis ya kinda get a dark sense of humour to survive semi-sane
Rage3
They share everything all the time if it's colleagues. Doesn't matter what and when; bad cases of w/e at the lunch table is all fair game
SpqrMcmlxxxvi
Went to a happy hour with a bunch of NICU nurses. They have some fucken real ass stories.
MenloPart
Not my sister or any nurse I date... or anyone I date...
Jamerperson
Including your sister?
MenloPart
Nobody in my family has a sense of humor.
bangbangbangbangbangbangbangban
Well you pick up a few jokes on the way of wiping adult asses.
Dogsarethebestever
Most of us are like this it takes a weird sense of humor to be a nurse
KaptainObveeus
Speaks professionally and informatively will using simple words we can relate to, like asshole.
4vie
How appropriate you use that word in this context!
JCBalance
And gaping
Felinicus
Endoscopy seems like a job where you'd see a lot of crap.
AtmaDarkwolf
Imagine, sitting there one day, and SERIOUSLY thinking 'I think I want a career dealing with POO!'
FBIhere
Better than getting a lot of crap as a sewer technician...
SterlingArcherSecretAgent
I hear it's a shit job lol
PetitChocolat
stevendruien9110
Endoscopy is referring to a medical scope in ANY hole. This happens to refer to a colonoscopy.
9zf2v2cvws3
If there is shit involved in endoscopy, something has gone wrong.
alleycleaner
Obviously the citrate of magnesium has failed to do its sworn dooty!
fickeroffick
Retirees from the industry get too old for that shit.
breadedfishstrip
Getting a promotion is a real pain in the ass
vauhtihirmu
Luckily, not yours.
BirdieBones
Yes and no. If patients dont take a bowel prep we really cant do our job very well!
swc0806
Med sales rep here.1.You’re talking Colonoscopy,2.You see very little in ColoRectal surgeries.Most,if not all,poop is flushed well before.
VanillaJester
And it's every day with the assholes you gotta deal with.
CitizenPrime
More like Buttoscopy
Makerofroads
And likely a lot of isopropyl alcohol and hand sanitizer. It's like the sunblock of dermatologists.
davescifi1350
Bumblock
JCBalance
I got scoped yesterday, they're not supposed to see any crap. 24 hours of Gatorade, water, and Miralax beforehand.
EchoRomeoIndiaCharlie
That's nursing in general.
IamtheAIyoushouldfear
terwashere
And everyone you deal with is an asshole.
Mbanker30
And deal with a lot of assholes*
CrazyViruss
Thank you
MenloPart
I had a colonoscopy on Monday--my second in 6 months. The VA said they couldn't really see anything, I allegedly have a "Difficult colon."
MenloPart
I have been telling everyone the VA said I was a challenging butthole. By the way, the civilian hospital didn't complain about my colon.
MenloPart
It sounded like I just needed to prep a little better.
SausageHulk
Not all of them are assholes...they're just a pain in the butt to deal with
IdMessWithTexas
It’s a total crap shoot
ThicclikePaulBunyan
It's a little depressing, you never get to actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.
BasilBall
It's OK. We have LEDs on the end of our scopes, so we're making our own light. We don't always like what we see, but we can see it!
NerdNerdburger
It's for the best. In this case, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel would be life-threatening medical emergency.
PicassoCT
Teething problems?
NerdNerdburger
We were talking about colonoscopies. Google "pipelining" or "spit roast", if you dare.
VolcanoHerder
AlmostHappy
Not too much. You’re required to empty your bowels beforehand. https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/diagnostic-tests/colonoscopy
Dominiricanish
As someone who worked in a GI center for 7 years I can tell you a lot of people don’t do it right and there is a lot of shit.
BlightPanda
As someone who worked in medical records and had to scan the images of procedures, i can confirm, lots of people cant clean shit.
bunniestbunny
That’s for a colonoscopy, not an endoscopy.
freckledkink
You still have to take the same prep. I've had both. Separately and at the same time.
AlmostHappy
Ah, you’re right. Confusing stuff.
bunniestbunny
Haha - one goes in the front end, one goes in the back end. I just had an endoscopy so it’s fresh in my mind (not my butt)
VolcanoHerder
Apparently, at least for dogs, it can go in either end. That or my vet didn't explain it well. And you DO need to empty your bowels for an
drcookieninja
Endoscopy is catch all for colonoscopy or gastroscopy, along with others like thoracoscopy, or cystoscopy/ureteroscopy.
drcookieninja
And if you did one in the mouth, is likely an esophagogastroduodenoscopy (EGD). Others like EUS, ERCP etc.
titaniumsnail
Thankfully they shortened that one. Phew.
bunniestbunny
Ah! You are correct! I guess I misunderstood because they only told me I was having an endoscopy and all I had was a tube down my throat.
bunniestbunny
Good to know!
myotheralt
Which end are you scopying?
bunniestbunny
Endo is front - they stick a camera down your throat
PicassoCT
Pay was good butt then inflation gut real
Sircowdog1
"I've seen some shit you wouldn't believe."
fbutt09
Looking into the average persons rectum isn’t really glamorous but sure pays the bills.