Yesitisathing
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Update: It got bad enough I’m at the ER. I can’t eat, can’t drink, can’t sleep, can’t shit. Not the best way to spend the weekend. Fun! Update 2: turns out I had a hernia that was blocking my intestines completely. Had emergency surgery. What a day. Final Update: thank you everyone for the great advice and support. Getting sober has been a journey and I appreciate others sharing their stories and experiences. I’m an old school Imgurian, been around for over a decade. I enjoy the unique community we have here and the camaraderie we share. For the one person complaining about attention grabbing I think you don’t know the real Imgur. We’re a community, we share our thoughts, struggles, and experiences along side silly posts of animals and measuring odd things with banana scales. I’m home from the hospital, the journey is just beginning but I’m more hopeful for the future than I’ve been in years. Cheers to all you weirdos!
Shapster
WATER!!!Drink WATER!!!!
Mohareb
Maybe forgot to drink enough water. Can be a bit hard to remember if you used to get the most of the liquid intake through alcoholic drinks
RealityIsOftenDisappointing
Coffee can help
poundingCode
Walking also helps your colon pump
springelmogizmo
Consider foods or supplements containing fiber
camcam1234
Prunes and a large glass of water before bedtime and you will be shitting pretty in no time.
I used it last night, sure it felt like I passed a semi-trailer out my asshole this morning, but damn I feel better.
Bobby360
Worthers sugar free chewy toffees. But prepare to blow your bowels out. They should be illegal.
OneOfTheEnemiesWithin
Way to go with the sobriety!!! Now I hope you can…go…soon! Miralax works for a lot of people. It’s a very common side effect from so many changes. Don’t ignore the problem, a lot of serious issues can happen from constipation.
gwhizcontrols4
Wheat/oat bran, apple sauce, and prune juice mixed together in equal proportions. A big spoonful once a day.
One or two macerated prunes each day can be pretty palatable. Magnesium citrate as well, but be careful with this stuff - start with a small dose and then wait! Take too much and you'll have the opposite problem.
wobblecopterrrr
magnesium supplenents work, drink plenty of water too.
cosonfused
Magnesium Citrate specifically. Not to be confused with Magnesium Glycinate.
Valentijn101
Only one solution. Sugarfree gummybears
Mooseman1991
Jumping on the bandwagon here,
Prune Juice and Water, then more water…afterwards. And I mean chug that juice like a beer bong.
Miralax ain’t gonna do it on this one.
sumthinsumthinsumthin
Congrats! (On the sobriety, not the constipation.)
somethingstupidandclever
My brother is a doctor. Basically any time someone is constipated he tells them to take a "mega dose" of miralax. You can take a lot safely. It's what they use to clear you out before surgery. If its been days of constipation its pretty risky stuff. You could hemorrhage and end up getting really sick. Its basically mixing in the smallest miralax you can buy into a gallon of water and just drinking it down. Its actually pretty amazing.
annoyedOnion
No shit bro
Also congrats you're doing amazing
5NoteHalf
Prune juice and/or coffee.
5NoteHalf
(GO EASY on the prune juice.)
peedrinkingcrapface
same thing happened to me in september! alcohol is a diuretic after all and my colon was used to all that beer-lube. makes sense but doesn't often appear on the lists common of detox side effects. OTC laxative cleared it up for me after a week. BUT THEN i started pissing like crazy - at least double what i was used to. turns out the chronic boozing was making me retain more water weight, which sobriety was shedding at a rate of like 20 pees per day. lasted a few weeks.
BetterBelieveitsBread
I'm a month in and still need a laxative. This might not be encouraging. Great work regardless, you got this!
JavaCofe
Ha. Alco is indeed a diuretic! Time to up your coffee intake like me! Ps. Congrats on the milestone! (3yr sober)
GoatNutz
No joke Metamucil (or psyllium husks) will clean your pipes
Purplecoconut
That stuff gives me the worst gas!
PipWhipple
Prune juice, plenty of water, and a sport drink! Annnd maybe clear your schedule for that day and be near a toilet.
markorazmakbabic8
Nurses use prune juice to solve constipation with patients. Works like a miracle.
If it doesnt work go to the doctor.
5NoteHalf
seconding this, @op - after surgery one time I couldn't shit for four days. GI doc at followup (a REALLY GOOD GI surgeon. Like, gives lectures that OTHER good GIs pay attention to) looked me right in the eye and said "best thing is prune juice."
HillOfBeans
Stool softeners help make the eventual blast a bit smoother
Minagoroshi
A couple bowls of oatmeal mixed with dates will soon solve that!
Snarkywisecrack
... And jump on a trampoline
Weblord
A good roughage/ lubricant combination right there. That's the key to not shitting yourself on prunes alone.
OhmyBandit
Drink enough water with thuis or constipation will get worse.
glagnar
Keep it up! It will get better!
heyletsbefriends
dates, my guy. eat dates. i mean the fruit.
Chaoticgoodsoul
Nice save there in the end buddy
tucker148
spontaneous9
3 prunes pre-breakfast (yeah, it's oatmeal, no milk) & coffee. 2 prunes for dessert.
3 prunes pre-lunch, include a salad & I don't mean potato salad or macaroni salad. Get some greens between your proteins. Avoid rice, avoid white bread, avoid dairy if you can, too. 2 prunes for dessert. Starting to see a pattern yet?
Seriously, it's dried prunes. Tools for a clean colon. Get a 2lb bag & put yourself on a steady regimen. 2 prunes before your beans, vegies & Fish for dinner.
Day 671: 0 alcohol
RoutemasterFlash
How the hell do you eat oatmeal with no milk?
spontaneous9
Easy.
I make mine savory, not sweet. Old fashioned oats (not instant, yuk). !No sugar! minimal salt. Curry spices, a ton of cayenne, 2 or 3 tablespoons of olive oil, then when it's just too thick to keep on the fire anymore, a shot of apple juice to finish. The apple juice loosens up the mixture just like your milk would, and adds fruit flavor too. That's the only sweetener.
IMO, whoever decided breakfast should have white flour, milk, and refined sugar in it should have their head examined.
spontaneous9
NOTE: the olive oil goes in late in the process, not first. Spices first, let them "bloom" for 5 seconds before adding the water. Let that boil, then add oatmeal. Stir constantly. If I didn't use olive oil, it would need butter, which I'm not eating anymore.
It works for me. I eat it almost every day. Your mileage may vary.
RoutemasterFlash
What's wrong with flour and milk? Assuming you're not intolerant to either of those things.
TakeAFannyGallop
Sounds like you don’t give a shit about being sober.
copperdomebodhi
HandsomePenguin
That's *can't* give a shit
Dissipo
This mother fucker right here...lol...+1
Yesitisathing
wildwestpb
East prunes, drink apple juice, and plenty of water.
SirBonSama
let your gf do you with a strap on. that ought to loosen you up real good.
FaecalJacksonPollock
Or...
v
ChrisYourself
Yogurt will also help a lot
Hekatombe
Go west, life is peaceful there...
bunnyishungry
Go west, out in the open air
gelos
Eat prunes till your piss is blue
This is what you're gonna do
WienerBeener
West prunes taste better, metamucil (Psyllium husk) works well too but is a bit of a process. Also more water.
AntaNce
Figs! South prunes. Artichoke. Cabbage! Drupes in general. Pineapple!
Muffincatcher
Water with a tiny piece of squeezed lemon and a lil Himalayan or Celtic salt when you first wake up. Go to your local supplement store and get some probiotics, psyllium husk, digestive enzymes, and maybe some detox stuff that incorporates charcoal/apple pectin, zeolite clay, aloe. And stay hydrated :)
melmboundanddown
The Eastern Prune Empire has fallen to the Ottomans. Go West, life is better there.
Doubtthedevout
Idd add exercise, otherwise great advice.
ipscfuntime3
You can also take lactulose. Just don't overdo it, follow the recommended dosage.
NotTheMamaNotTheMama
And some porridge with a nice ripe banana. Ripe soft pears are also great
OneOfTheEnemiesWithin
I wanted to see what porridge was made from, so I looked it up. Did you know there are two meanings?
porridge noun:
“UK slang. a period of time spent in prison: ‘He did ten years porridge for armed robbery’.”
I suppose either one could alleviate the problem.
ButteryBiscuitBass
....and know where your nearest toilet is.
cosonfused
Kiwi's are supposed to help too.
VaxxedCanadian
A little expensive if you have to fly to New Zealand for help.
itsokimaussie
Gummy bears, looots of Gummy bears. Just make sure you stay near a dunny because when the gates open, you'll be praying to the porcelain gods that you were close.
slinks360
electrolytes, not just water.
Canigetbannedagain2
Or you know take fiber supplements. also, try konjac root, its fiber is like psyllium husk but less earthy, dry, thick tasting, and more like slimy jello. (flavor it with jello maybe)
justfiguredoutimc4azyanddumbb
What about an msg and prune juice laxative cocktail with sugar free gummy bear chaser?
wildwestpb
You know how a juice box gets as you’re trying squeeze out that last little bit where the straw doesn’t reach…
Yeah.
justfiguredoutimc4azyanddumbb
You blow in it, jam a straw up there and wiggle it around until you achieve maximum flow.
wildwestpb
justfiguredoutimc4azyanddumbb
Got a snorkel?
ispendtomuchtimehere
HEY! I'm on day 6 too! Hell, I'm not even drinking coffee..I just need to stop smoking so I'm cold turkey sober and it is rather difficult but I like it.
astrangehop
Oh man, if you're already constipated and you quit smoking you're doomed. Start drinking olive oil I guess! 😂
ispendtomuchtimehere
I'll live..
comeonjointhejoyride
If you like it now, give it 3 month. And then Alain after 6 months you wont believe you liked it at 3 month. After a year it's a new life. Just keep to it. If you struggle go to a meeting and talk to others.
hannibalhague
Crazy lads. Me too. Me too. The three Amigos !
ispendtomuchtimehere
there is no shortage of support for us..for me it just became necessary to quit smoking and that just triggered a cascade..it's nicotine that is my giant demon, the drinking and the weed etc. just makes quitting more impossible so I just stopped my life for a while to kill the giant.
ispendtomuchtimehere
in doing so I realize they all feed each other so I'm determined to defeat them all..I'm not a kid anymore.
Gen1Optimus
You can do it. You and @OP
Yesitisathing
Hell ya! We can be Imgur accountabilabuddies
suggestedCleverUsernameGenerator
This is all so wholesome.
Also Magnesium Citrate powder will help the poops. I use Calm. You can get smaller bottles for pretty cheap. (Do not use citromag… it’s too strong). Work your way up with dose and it will help
funkystay
Sounds hot.