ebonyfaery
153202
2084
105
I think I'm gonna take off at some point. It won't stop. Send help.
Most viral! Aw, guys, on a post about my gassy ass? You shouldn't have! Send the usual!! Love you all!
OneUniverse
I hope that if actually figuratively, otherwise blowout the candles and open a window, before you have a candy factory explosion.
CorneliusTunt
ebonyfaery
To infinity! And beyond! *toot*
Afewflowers
Your body produces digestive enzymes based on what you eat, if you change suddenly it takes awhile to adjust
executivedisfunction
Most commercial 'probiotics' are Not helpful here, unless they have a capsule coating tested to withstand stomach acids for over 3 hours.
executivedisfunction
Which is Rare. There is one trade marked coating now spreading through the industry. And a few proprietary ones.
ebonyfaery
Oh my god really? This is really interesting do you have a link or sth. What about acidophilus?
lonosham
Literally?
giganticroboticpenguin
Three cups of beans a day will do that to you. Sometimes it's better to start introducing stuff gradually.
LaughingInTheFaceOfDanger
DocNitro
Free Jetpack!
ebonyfaery
Wheeeeee!
magicrhombus
When you say veggie only, do you mean plant based, or do you mean literally only vegetables?
ebonyfaery
Plant and pulses and stuffs
MyLastAccountWasShadowbanned
...and you are not showing us the perforated sheet? Maybe your claim is not so literal after all?
ebonyfaery
I don't think people want pics of my almost sharty sheets
Targe0
@OP you just have to wait for your gut biome to adjust to your new diet. Your gut is currently not tuned for a heavy plant diet, so ->
Targe0
you're getting a lot of additional gas build up. Once the bacterial balance adjusts to heavy plants, you will be fine.
ebonyfaery
Thankyou!
Astramancer
Also if you light your farts, wear cotton underwear and light the farts past them. You won't risk any burns or scorched hair that way.
ebonyfaery
Solid advice.
ancalime
Then you need better sheets, this comment is brought to you by Sheets & Giggles.
ebonyfaery
It's all sheets and giggles until....
turkeydonkey
That sounds more like veganism than vegetarianism. I do the latter because cheese, milk, and eggs exist and are delicious.
migratingotter
Most ppl are to some degree lactose intolerant, & this can cause gas & diarrhea. Hard boiled eggs make my bf & me fart. Unfiltered beers too
ebonyfaery
I still eat some cheese but I'm nog sure eating cheese is gonna make me LESS farty, somehow. Haha!
Snorfax
Wait you think vegans don't like cheese, milk or eggs? We LOVE IT, but have you looked at the dairy and egg industry?
ebonyfaery
Hey, I'm not here to have a moral debate, I just wanna stop being fat and unhealthy! Haha.
Snorfax
It's both. Both include more plants and fiber.
Manymanypets
And meat doesn't exist? That's a weird argument. Veganism is usually due to concerns about health, animal welfare or environment, not taste.
turkeydonkey
good god what is imgur on today? I'm not arguing anything for fucks sake
Sherpafish
Naw. Eggs are sulphurous nasty. Good in cake and waffles, though.
turkeydonkey
I've only had that problem when they're overcooked, otherwise deeeeelicious.
MeatyNoodle
May I politely recommend adding some probiotics? Cruciferous vegetables, oats, legumes are all pre-biotics, your guts are working overtime
ebonyfaery
Thank you! I'll Google and grab some today.
MeatyNoodle
Good luck to you and your butthole!
ebonyfaery
Thanks! Haha
cmovbe
Your gut bacteria take some time to adjust
ME2BNS12
In the meantime, start downing the Beano, it really helps
StrangerRangerDanger
try eating some live fermented foods, like sourcraught or kimchi or probiotic yogurt , might speed up the process op
AndyYouGoonie
“Sourcraught” bone apple tea yall!
StrangerRangerDanger
too lazy to Google it for spelling
TheInternetWoah
Not nearly enough people have mentioned yet, but you also are supposed to slowly introduce more fiber over time - not all at once.
pareidoliaperson
So all at once?
YesButMaybe
All at once!
tabdelrazaq
pareidoliaperson
Only read first line and last two lines. Great story. 10/7
Besamel
Apparently months
forResearchPurposesOnly
^
executivedisfunction
^^
Iwouldbenick
Leaky gut
elb98rm
"joke" -> yes. "real diagnosis", no... this is usual until your gut finishes transitioning.
BixbyConsequence
In the meantime -- enjoy. Farts are fun.
Daphault1
Literally. Right
ebonyfaery
Yeah! Literally figuratively !
IDrinkAndIKnowThings
Try Beano. It will help tremendously until your body acclimates.
GravyEducation
Reminds me of the Community joke, "I had a cheeseburger and now I'm not cold all the time." Your body just adjusting
medicalcrackpipe
Haha, it goes away. Sort of. Your body adjusts.
ebonyfaery
Phew.
blueyedwineaux
As a veg for 26+ yrs, more fiber! More fermented foods like kimchi. Less processed stuff. Less sugar and dairy. If you need recipes, DM me.
FrolickingFrolicking
“DM me” always sounds like “come into my van.” Why not post it on internet and then link to it
FrolickingFrolicking
or even an IMGUR image post (better than nothing) of a few recipes then link image in your comment
ebonyfaery
Oh, so cynical for one so young! It's very difficult to keep track of comments when I have almost a hundred! Easier in a DM
ebonyfaery
I've dmd! Thank you!!
MagicChickens
Go Indian the best at veg only food
Ularsawa
While I totally agree, Indians do smell a lot! They sweat out all that garlic, ginger and what not. I just noticed that very drastically a
Ularsawa
Couple of days ago
ebonyfaery
I shall check! Thank you!
TotallyNotSarcastic
Make sure you drink lots of water too
ebonyfaery
Thankyou! I've just set water alarms now you've said that. I'm trying to get better at looking after my body.
FrolickingFrolicking
People don’t need water alarms. Just drink water whenever you’re going to drink a drink of anything, instead of something else
ebonyfaery
I'm terrible at drinking anything except alcohol and I don't really get thirsty. I think I do need alarms! At least to start with. Good to >
ebonyfaery
cultivate some discipline until it becomes habit!! Have a great day!
johnfsfrank
Those of us with ADHD would disagree with you. I need alarms and reminders for damn near everything.
TheobromineAddict
*figuratively
ebonyfaery
Yep! Thanks!
thisisausernamelikeanyothersbutthisonesmellsweird
zeiji
gut bacteria is very specific and any major change will cause some upset before it's readjusted and it normalizes.
SedatedSl0th
Oh yeah. First month of doing this with the SO we slept in separate rooms. It gets better. Your gut biome has to adapt.
ebonyfaery
Luckily we sleep in separate rooms anyway cos we both sound like dying warthogs when we sleep! Hahaha.
rookie23
Light matches away from self.
ebonyfaery
Pahahahahahahaha I'm that bad atm that you can't light a match within five feet of me!
VeryStableGenius
Pics or it didn't happen.
inthenameofthemooniwillspoonyou
No thanks
scribetree
ebonyfaery
Of.... My farts?
extraDimensionalAnxiety
Only fans?
extraDimensionalAnxiety
Wait wait wait... Only farts.
SpaceCheeseBaron
craque
this is so low quality it looks like it's made of different clips
ebonyfaery
thatsmyfetish.png
dasobserver
Of the "literal" hopes in your sheets, i would think
WODPOD
And the dreams, too!
Nofoxlefttogive
They were hoping this would never happen, and dreaming of a time it hadn't .
dudeloveall
The holes caused by them
ebonyfaery
Ahh, shit, I've been caught out using hyperbole for dramatic effect on the Internet! Run away!
MaximumMarks
I mean, you did use the word 'literally'
Arbitrarynamehere
Literally also means metaphorically
TotallyNotSarcastic
Yeah but like it’s literally the internet
GroumphLePreux
!!! With shit ???
ebonyfaery
Not yet!
Nofoxlefttogive
This should be top comment.
baercrow
If the cat/dog is not throwing up, it's fine
moxythree
Is this one of those times where “literally” doesn’t mean literally?
PineappleLoopsBrOether
In this use of the word, it means “I mean to exaggerate to the point that it might as well be happening literally, it’s so very much”
z64fan13
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wl0OXMFAq9k
WeAreNotSmilesTImes
God I hope so.
hessukoo
I for one choose to believe it literally.
carnsolus
prescriptivism will always lose against descriptivism
Scezumin
yeah well only a sith deals in absolutes
giveittomestraightlikeapearcidermadefrom100percentpears
That's language for ye.. It now has two definitions, one meaning exact/precise. The other meaning figuratively. It's literally mind-blowing.
Unknownium
Literarily
JollyJokzr
It's like "could care less". Do it wrong for long enough and it becomes the way language is used.
CyanideBreathMint
For all indentured porpoises, this is true.
q2grapple
OMG. I literally just died reading that
ebonyfaery
Rip
koitk
It's like farting jets of laser beams for OP - holes everywhere
ebonyfaery
Hahahahahaha
zackingsman
I hope not. We need more litteralism when it comes to the important shit
happygrumpydad
It is. Literally.
Imadethisaccounttopost
https://youtu.be/fu5XDrdD7KM
Targe0
I figuratively don't know what you mean.
ebonyfaery
Yep :)
aThingWithTheStufAndTheJunk
moxythree
Don’t do that.
AltruisticMoron
"We define literally in two senses: 1) in a literal sense or manner : actually. 2) in effect : virtually." - Merrium Websters
applesforjuice
Shitbuttfartpoopasscrapturdpissqueef
OR WHAT
gracefalls
Why not?
ebonyfaery
Cos it may offend some sticklers I guess!
ebonyfaery
Oh, I'm sorry! I used hyperbole in a casual sentence on the Internet! Run!
Ignistick
When I read the post I thought you were actually putting holes in your sheets, until I read the comments that is.
applesforjuice
You used literally to mean figuratively as hyperbole and that annoys some people. Someone on the internet criticized your post! Run!
AltruisticMoron
"We define literally in two senses: 1) in a literal sense or manner : actually. 2) in effect : virtually." - Merrium Websters
ebonyfaery
Noooo! How will I survive?
TheLesserOfTwoWeevils
You used a word meant specifically to indicate things are not hyperbole to indicate hyperbole.
ebonyfaery
That's why it's hyperbolic silly!
fluffyfish007
But that... That's what makes it hyperbole
AltruisticMoron
It does tho: "We define literally in two senses: 1) in a literal sense or manner : actually. 2) in effect : virtually." - Merrium Websters
moxythree
Read: Enough people have used it incorrectly, we’re forced to acknowledge it.
AltruisticMoron
Humans in a nutshell
MrHappySmiles
Farting is healthy, fart more!
ebonyfaery
If I fart any more I will just be one long wind noise.
Targe0
So you're saying we should tap your ass as a natural gas pipeline and sell its emissions to Germany? Replace Russian gas with your ass.
ebonyfaery
Yes! Good idea.
Alkuam2
From nord stream to turd stream.
JustASlightJingleOfPocketChangePulsing
Yep, most people don't eat nearly enough fiber and when they start, this is the result, it will normalize.
FrolickingFrolicking
It’s clearly that OP is eating bunch of unnecessary protein supplement (out of “meat is magic” veggie paranoia) which then goes to gut flora
FrolickingFrolicking
Notice how OP says “during weekdays” which raises all kinds of flags about mindset
Shapster
IT WILL NEVER NORMALIZE. THIS IS YOUR NEW NORMAL!!
fedeColorTerror
Your intenstinal bacteria change. The ones who are used to sugar and fats die (that's why you fart) and the ones who eat veggies prolificate
fedeColorTerror
It balances out in few days or weeks. Meanwhile getting some probiotics helps getting stuff faster
Scr0lls
It never improved much for me, I learned my Problem foods & taking a Beano pill before meals helped if I was planning to be around ppl
Fairemont
So, what you're saying is farting holes in my sheets will feel like the new normal?
dadanedude
3 months in with a diet consisting of sufficient amounts of cabbage. Still farting like crazy. But I went from 89 to 75 kgs, so I'll take it
sirwolfyy
Not just fiber but also your gut bacteria has to adjust to digest it better.
sirwolfyy
It being veggies
HasteTheFool
Fermented food can help renew the gut-biome, as can eating ass (specially the ass of a regular veggie eater). But it takes time.
elb98rm
This is true. The farts are your gut bacteria changing (and actually improving). After the change it settles down.
AgainstMethod
Depending on the person, they can also get way too much when going vegetarian.
QuickAndFun
"It will normalize" In other words: Get used to it. You'll soon find this normal.
limbernoodle
Yeah it doesn’t stop
basserstaunt
Mustn’t be about the fiber, a friend just cannot process soy-based products well and experiences a similar effect.
What3Birds
It is not the fibre, it's the increased plant sugars which excite bacterial growth which generates methane. About 2 doz types of sugar
Wynja
Are you saying that it "must NOT" be about the fiber (denying the fiber reason) or that it "MUST not" (opening for other reasons)?
Wynja
If the first, you both have the same very limited info, so their claim is as good as yours
Wynja
If the second and it's a language thing, "doesn't have to be about the fiber" would be a clearer way of phrasing it
basserstaunt
Thanks. As a non native english English speaker, 80% I meant this while the 1st option is also part of why I wrote it like that.
elb98rm
It is. I can eat soy and I had it while I transitioned. Then it calmed down to back to normal.
FatBastardVegetarian
Just the first few days. Ask me how I know.
MrInconvenient
Woah what?!?!??!?!
DatDarthCaedus
I think ANY major changes to ones diet will risk messing with your stomach. I used to get an upset stomach when I tried those vegan meat 1/
DatDarthCaedus
replacements, but now I'm doing it more often (way cheaper than real meat), and get an upset stomach when I eat red meat instead, hah.
ProppaGanda
idk, I'm a vegetarian, I eat a lot of fiber and, let me tell you, nobody i know farts as much as I do.
JacktheKind
@OP also maybe there is one thing your stomach is sensitive to? I had to cut out anything fresh onions (powder as seasoning is ok)
ebonyfaery
Hmm this is an interesting possibility .. I'll look into it? Thanks!
gatorwatch
Garlic, nightshades and FODMAP foods also common culprits if they’re new to you or in higher volume now
Birbsicle
For me it's a bit of both - onions and cabbage specifically are ass raspberries, but too much of other veggies will still do it...
Birbsicle
Try to balance out with grains if you can, they're a lot less gassy - barley, bulgur and quinoa are my faves but so many good options there
ebonyfaery
I'm loving lentils rn
azarza
corn is a great source of fiber.. generally able to be added to any meal
LinemanMatt
My sister has been vegan for nearly 20 years...it hasn't yet. Exactly how long does it take?
Canigetbannedagain2
Speaking of, psyllium husk is a great way to add extra fiber if you need to.
dicot
tastes gross by itself, recommend sprinkling into cooked food
[deleted]
[deleted]
OleSlappyHams
I fucked up the dosage the first time I tried it. And literally ruined a concert. My favourite rapper too. Never touching it again
executivedisfunction
Metamucil is Not psyllium husk, it's psyllium husk plus an artificial sugar that does more damage to microbiome bacteria than fiber helps.
comacomacomacomachameleon
there's a sugar free version. It's psyllium husk and some citric acid for orange flavor.
executivedisfunction
Amazon and local sources carry pure psyllium husk,Cheaper. I'm still checking on Dextrin, (Benefiber) which is Suspect coming from wheat.
executivedisfunction
Psyllium and Dextrin are Soluble fiber. We also need non-soluable fiber, mostly found in foods like nuts. Search engines detail all this.
MaxieMooo
What if you dislike nuts
somnif
Psyillium husks (whole) have both. The husks themselves stay intact after releasing their goop. The texture is... not great.
FishieStardust
I shat myself today, to see if I still feel 🎶
Schitzoflink
read this to Johnny Cash "hurt"
xjmjguy
Nine Inch Nails originally, Cash covered it
fastlaserjockey
Yeah, but even Reznor said that song is Cash's now. Like Hendriix taking over the Watchtower, it's just too good to see it as a cover
aguacatedeldiablo
That's not what he said IIRC. The song is super personal to Reznor, and he said it was hard seeing it covered, but that ultimately he 1/
RubyPorto
I focus on the strain, the only thing that's real
WaterUnderTheRocketAppliances
A turd outside the bowl, the old familiar stink
ottman001
Try to clean it all away, but I release everything
ThrobbinHoodz
What have I become, my stinky end
ebonyfaery
I hope so, I won't be able to leave the house ever again otherwise!
toddthewraith
if it makes you feel better, i recently increased my fiber as well, except i work in a warehouse.
Itslukus
If they don't like your fragrance then do what I do and immediately blame it on someone else. Damn John wtf bro 🤣
ThrobbinHoodz
It do. I went veggie for 3 years and it settled down pretty quickly. Those southern winds still stank though.
HandoB4Javert
Get a dog and solve two problems at once. Someone to give responsibility to and they love walks...
28dayslaterwasawarning
That's cos they want to get out of the green fog at their nose level
urboyevan2
It’s true, it’s most likely your gut bacteria reacting to the change in diet. The fiber makes the good bacteria grow and divide and flourish
urboyevan2
So give it a week and your whole digestive system will be in better shape. You rock friend! Great job with the veggies!
NeoDarkElf
There's also a possibility you have ibs like my wife who has excessive gas related to allium, brassica, or other non low fod map. Hope not
ebonyfaery
There's a decent possibility but I've also been doing things I KNOW are bad for my gut for ages. Time for change.
NivalisAngelus
Sure you will! Eventually you'll reach orbit.
TeelMoobeel
Every time you fart, just say "rootie tootie" out loud. Eventually, people will laugh along :D.
Gerdalearnedme
😆 “oh, excuse me.” There’s a pause, then “Rootie tootie”.
ebonyfaery
Rootie tootie, that was my booty!
TeelMoobeel
Rootie tootie, fresh and fruity!
ebonyfaery
I wish they were. Sad times
StevieTheAussie
Have you ever heard of corks?
thundergrunt
Unfortunately, that carries a significant shrapnel risk...
ebonyfaery
Interesting concept....
Aksuuuh
This is your superpower now. Use it for good.
migratingotter
epazote in any bean dish, lactase with any milk product (most ppl are varying degrees of lactose intolerant), and gas-x for anything else.
ApricotX
That depends on where in the world you are: Most Scandinavians don’t have issues with lactose. Most…not all.
SidewalkWidflower
Where does one get epazote in the US?
LizLemonDifficult
Any latin market and probably many grocery stores. It is a herb so in the spice aisle.
migratingotter
Mexican store in usa or Jungle Jim’s if you live near Cincinnati Ohio.
migratingotter
Google it, there are many options, one of which is Target. Or you can go Amazon. But it’s not that hard to get, but a Mexican store would be
MolekuleSlowerDowner
It takes usually about a month for your stomach to adjust, then there will be less gas.
DaddySchlongleg
It's true. I take fiber supplements because I don't eat healthy, and when I first started the gas was crazy. It settles down pretty quickly
caledric
After awhile you just embrace it. The trick is to blame it on someone next to you almost immediately.
nepomuck
And then your child screams in the supermarket: HAHA dad you just farted!!!!
RandomVoiceFromTheInternet
Cowardice! Own your farts, your body worked hard to make that fucking awful stench.
BishlamekGurpgork
*BRRRRRRRRRRRRT* Jesus, caledric, see a doctor, that is foul.
iaddsan
Like Peter Griffin
Deathpunkin
Elevator.gif
bemxuu
That's why you get yourself a dog. To reduce the chance the dog is in another room when you need it, make it two dogs.
Fryfryfryfry
Or get a few cats if you can fart in silence, cat farts are silent but truly vile from my experience
caledric
This only works if you take your dog with you EVERYWHERE.
therealbardman
He who smelt it dealt it.
28dayslaterwasawarning
He who denied it supplied it
SarcasticComment
consider taking a prebiotic to help your gut health during the transition, or work in some kimchi which is perry easy to make
Kakhtus
But if you do you will walk a lot faster.